A Reason to Smile

A Reason to Smile


Q&A: We broke up, now we still hang out but I don’t feel good, what should I do?

posted by B. Dave Walters

You can be friends ... but not for a while

Question submitted via Formspring:

“One month ago my 2-year relationship ended. I’m in college. That guy was my first ‘real’ relationship and I still love him a lot but we hurt each other because we were both unhappy. Now we still hang out but I don’t feel good, can’t sleep, headache. What should I do?”

The simple answer is: Stop hanging out!

Quite often people end relationships, but want to jump straight into being ‘best friends,’ usually to try and make one person feel less guilty about breaking up in the first place.

Unfortunately, that very rarely works … and by very rarely, that means pretty much never!

The fact is it takes time to get over someone. I did an entire program on how to get over someone quickly; but no matter what you do it will require some time and space apart to let those old wounds heal.

Still trying to be together and act like nothing ever happened is just going to make it hurt that much longer, especially since many guys still try to get physical even though the relationship may be over.

As far as your situation goes, it seems like this relationship had already turned toxic; which is a big red flag for your first ‘real’ relationship.

You may want to take a good hard look at yourself and your hand in all of this, to see what you may have done that contributed to things going the way they did

OR

What it is that made you choose someone who treated your poorly in the first place.

Be very, very, VERY careful, especially if you have any abuse in your background, if your parents had a bad relationship, or if you have any unresolved issues with your own father, since it is all too easy getting stuck in a cycle of bad relationships that will each leave you feeling just like this.

Or it may be that you are young, and this is your first taste of heartbreak that everybody goes through at one time or another.

No matter what: Stop hanging out with him, tell him you need some time to adjust, heal and get over him. Although an odd thing about guys is that he doesn’t actually want you to get over him, and you can click here to find out why.

You don’t owe him any explanations, and don’t be afraid to be a bit selfish. If spending time with him is making you feel bad, don’t. *Not* spending time with him will feel bad for a while, too; but things will get better much faster this way, and eventually you may be able to have that friendship. Being apart about twice as long as you were together should be about right before you try to seriously pursue a friendship.

And yes, that may mean years.

What do you think ? Feel free to comment down below!

You are great, and I love you!

And if you love me back, click ‘share’ up at the top!

B. Dave Walters

Writer, Life Coach, and Talk Radio Host

Find out more about me:
http://about.me/BDaveWalters

Ask me anything:
http://formspring.me/BDaveWalters

Pages I support:
Jesus and Buddha  — Interfaith dialog

Gnostic Theism — Religion and Spirituality for the 21st Century (Join the Movement!)

Love One Another —  A group for the coolest Spiritual people on the Internet!

    



Previous Posts

Are you growing, or just growing older?
“I saw my life branching out before me like the green fig tree in the story. From the tip of every branch, like a fat purple fig, a wonderful future beckoned and winked. One fig was a husband and a happy home and children, and another fig was a famous poet and another fig was a brilliant professor

posted 4:27:15am Feb. 18, 2015 | read full post »

How to feel happy, and be at peace
“You always own the option of having no opinion. There is never any need to get worked up or to trouble your soul about things you can't control. These things are not asking to be judged by you. Leave them alone.” ― Marcus Aurelius, Meditations In my Coaching work, a question that comes up

posted 11:14:28pm Jan. 19, 2015 | read full post »

How to motivate yourself…finally!
“It's a New Year and with it comes a fresh opportunity to shape our world. So this is my wish, a wish for me as much as it is a wish for you: in the world to come, let us be brave – let us walk into the dark without fear, and step into the unknown with smiles on our faces, even if we're fakin

posted 10:59:22pm Jan. 02, 2015 | read full post »

Racism and the Law of Attraction (Video)
“I love America more than any other country in the world, and, exactly for this reason, I insist on the right to criticize her perpetually.” -James Baldwin Question submitted via Formspring:

posted 4:56:16am Dec. 19, 2014 | read full post »

How to finally attract what you want (VIDEO)
“Do not wait: the time will never be 'just right'. Start where you stand, and work whatever tools you may have at your command and better tools will be found as you go along.” ― Napoleon Hill As of the t

posted 5:24:13am Dec. 15, 2014 | read full post »




Report as Inappropriate

You are reporting this content because it violates the Terms of Service.

All reported content is logged for investigation.