Angels on Your Shoulder

Angels on Your Shoulder


Grief, Father’s Day, angels and moving on

posted by Susan Gregg

Aloha everyone,

As you probably know my dad died last Tuesday. It amazes me how fast a week can pass. Last week this time I was sitting by my dad’s side reading him stories knowing he was about to release his tired old body. 

First, I want to thank all my readers for their kind notes, love, thoughts and prayers. I thought his passing wouldn’t impact me as much as it has because I had been through the grief process with my mom and I knew the only thing that was really dying was his body. I was wrong, so I simply allow myself to feel what I’m  feeling and I’m allowing time to work its magic. I still feel rather fragile but I know this will pass.

When my mom died I felt lost and downright miserable. A very dear friend of mine told me that once the grief had past I would once again feel my mother’s presence. She said grief was like a waterfall and our loved ones can’t reach through it. One night I had a dream, my mom came to me in the dream and told me she was fine, that she loved me and I felt her loving presence. In the morning I missed her even more and then I remembered what my friend had told me. As I opened my heart and my mind to the possibilities, I could feel my mother’s presence. Today I cherish the relationship we have. I can often feel her loving touch and know she is with me.

Since it was Father’s Day I decided to have a memorial service for my dad at the ocean’s edge. When I showed up I had to laugh. At the very edge of the cliff stood a small, black goat who ran bleating all the way directly to me. She was so cute and had a bell on her neck with a phone number on the tag. My first thought was, “How perfect, dad always was a stubborn old goat.” Since this was a young goat I laughed and thought, “At least I know he is moving on up!” I knew angels had sent this goat to me as a reminder of the love that is always present. I wanted to take a picture of the goat but by the end of the ceremony she was nowhere to be found.

A friend sent me a message with the following quote from The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint-Exupery. She said she thought my dad would like it read at the service and I am sure she was right. It was one of the books my parents read to me when I was a little girl. I was too choked up to read it but a friend of mine did and it was perfect.

“All men have the stars but they are not the same things for different people. For some, who are travelers, the stars are guides. For others they are no more than little lights in the sky. For others, who are scholars, they are problems. For my businessman they were wealth. But all these stars are silent. You-you alone-will have the stars as no one else has them-

“In one of the stars I shall be living. In one of them I shall be laughing. And so it will be as if all the stars were laughing, when you look at the sky at night… You-only you-will have stars that can laugh!

“And when your sorrow is comforted (time soothes all sorrows) you will be content that you have known me. You will always be my friend. You will want to laugh with me. And you will sometimes open your window, so, for that pleasure… And your friends will be properly astonished to see you laughing as you look up at the sky! Then you will say to them, ‘Yes, the stars always make me laugh!’”

Slowly but surely I know my grief will turn into joy. And as my grief lifts I will feel the loving presence of my father’s spirit. I look forward to seeing him in my dreams and hearing his laughter in the stars.

With love and aloha,
Susan

Remember, you really do have angels on your shoulders!

In loving memory of my dad.

dad.jpg



  • Your Name

    There was a foster father that I had at once time that I aminer. One day at the Church of Christ congregation that used to be in Sulpher Springs of Tampa, Florida. He said: Mary, you was the best little girl I ever had. My heart melt so happy that I wanted to hug him, but I couldn’t because I didn’t want to make these other people jealous that used to be foster parents at one time.
    Mr.Joe Tam was his name. He was the best foster father. He would tell me if I was good for the whole week, I would get my Frosty Rootbear and my BabyRuth candy bar. That made me feel so good that someone cares for me.
    Sometimes he would take me on his paper route. We would go to the Tribrune company when it was on plant Street back in about 1959 or 1960 and put the paper together off the press, roll them up, put a rubbler ban around the paper and thro the paper out to the customer home. He would sometimes take me to the egg farm with him to get his wife to fix for breaksfast and baking. I think of hime a lot. He is my true example of what a father should be.
    Mary Olson

  • http://joab041502.space.live.com Josephine A. A.

    When my father died, I was the most devastated person in the family next to my mother. I have older siblings but during the days he was comatose, I stayed 24 hours by his side even sleeping on a mattress under his bed. Nobody told me to do so but I know he is counting on me, I signed hospital waivers, send him to CT scan, whispered the rosary to his ears, massaged areas of his body prone to bed sore or just simply hold his hand. I hold on to this daily routine hoping if I exert all the more effort he will just wake up from his state. When his doctors finally talked to me about how critical his situation based on the blood clot in his brain I already accepted his condition and summoned a priest to anoint him. The pain of reality sets in when finally he passed on but on the third night of his wake he left me something I still feel to this day, I dreamed that my father sat next to me in the bed, when I opened my eyes I saw him smiling then he asked me why I am sleeping without my blankets, you’ll be cold he says. I sat up and he hugged me so warm and tight I feel all the pain in my heart evaporating, that same warmth woke me up to finally realize it was a dream, but I know it’s his way of telling me he will always be there for me.
    My father and I had a connection so strong sometimes it amaze my mother such things occur. Although he stays in the province he knows first hand if I’m sick or something is wrong. When I asked him about it he told me to just listen to what your heart says, it is difficult for a father to know how his children fare so far away from him so I sit here, pray and let God take care of you and somehow when there is something wrong he give me notice. In my heart I truly believe that.
    Both of us believe in dreams and we see signs in everyday life that help us with our daily decisions. He even coined my name from his dreams of a man holding a staff that grows flowers. So I know he would communicate to me through my dreams. The first night I returned to the city after his burial, I dreamed of waking up with flowers all over my place when I opened the windows of my flat, there was endless of violet flowers, and I saw my father and he told me I hope you like it I planted it for you, now grab those sunflower seeds and we’ll plant some more.
    A lot of instances in my life specially when I’m down that I feel his warmth enveloping, comforting me and I would allow myself to once again be comforted of my fathers love.
    You’re time of healing will come Susan, for now I send you my love, prayers and blessings in your time of sadness.

  • JUDY

    My dad died on June 18. June 21st was Father’s Day and my sister’s birthday. I loved my died and his death was sudden. He lived a long and active live. On Sunday he was out working in his yard and doing other tasks. On Monday he had a stroke and at 2:21 on Thursday AM he left this world. I woke up at that exact time and looked at the clock. In just a few minutes the phone rang and it was the hospital and I knew what it was. However the sadness I felt turned to peace when I saw him. And I have felt at peace every since. When thoughts of him make me feel said, I almost instantly feel peace. The song, “When we all get to Heaven” started going on in my head and we had that played at his service. I can see his smile, the twinkle in his eye – and more than anything, I can feel his love. He was my rock, the one person I knew loved me unconditionaly – that always worried about me not matter how old we both got. It is so hard knowing I can’t speak to him. I do know that I will try to live my life like he did. Thinking of others and being so kind and unselfish.

  • Your Name

    When my mom died I was devistated too. It was also sudden and unexpected. I always considered her my guardian angel and best friend. Anyway, a friend bought me a birth angel necklace. When I wear it, it makes me think smy mom is inside the necklace watching over me just like she did in life.
    I wanted to share this because sometimes the smallest things can make a person feel better. For me it just happened to be the birth angel necklace.

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