Christine Arylo: How to Fall in Love with Yourself
Beliefnet talks to Christine Arylo, the author of Choosing Me Before We, about the romantic adventure of self-love.
When I call author Christine Arylo on a Thursday afternoon, she’s doing what one would expect of a self-love expert: being good to herself. “I’m at my girlfriend’s house. She’s gone for the week, and she left me a beautiful bottle of Zinfandel and some flowers,” she describes. “I’m sitting here in beautiful wine country. After we’re done I’m going to go to take a walk.”
Now, that sounds like the life, but it wasn’t always this good for Christine. Ten years ago, she was sitting in a parked car with her fiancé hearing the most crushing words a bride-to-be can imagine.
“On our way to our engagement party at my mother’s house where 40 people were waiting for us, he stopped and looked at me and said, ‘I don’t want to marry you. I don’t love you anymore, and by the way, I’ve been cheating on you for the last six months,’” she recalls.
Christine remained strong, determined to fix the broken relationship. She begged and pleaded with him to change his mind and describes those two weeks as “the lowest point in my life.” She says, “I really thought I was going to die. I couldn’t get to work with makeup on my face, because I’d just cry all the time.”
Finally a friend encouraged her to see an astrologer. She says, “I got my chart read and his chart read, and she said to me, ‘Honey, you can keep following this guy around for the next 40 years and he’s going to keep breaking your heart. Or you can leave and your life will open up in places you could never imagine.’”
Christine knew in her heart it was true. She says, “I knew that the day he proposed to me. I knew it the day we bought our house together. I knew it, but I was unable to admit it to myself. I was unwilling to look at what was going on inside of myself that was stuffing him into my own emotional hole. It was because I didn’t love myself.”
She moved out of the house and stayed with a friend. She describes the first night as painful. However, as she stared up at the ceiling, she says a voice spoke to her. “’The reason that your heart hurts, Christine, isn’t because he’s not there. It’s because you’re not there. While you’re very confident and successful in your career and you like yourself quite a bit, you don’t love yourself. You’ve been settling for a long time. You don’t really know what love is.’”
That night Christine made two personal vows: to fall in love with herself and to never settle for less again.