How to Stop Being Boring By Vanessa Van Edwards l Communication Skills

Boring is a sickness. It’s the silent plague that infects your dates, business deals, friendships and parties. Boring sneaks in and stifles your chance of being memorable, liked and attractive.

The good news is you are not boring. Deep down, you know this. You have tons of stories to tell, an amazing personality and lots to share. We become boring when we are afraid we have nothing to offer. Or we are afraid of being 'different.' We are taught that being different is bad. We learn that if we are ourselves we might be seen as annoying, offensive, or weird. And most often, we stay in the comfort zone of boring because we are afraid that people will judge us.

So, we do exactly what the boring parasite feeds on: we blend in, do what others do, we try to be average, we stay in our comfort zone. I say it’s time to fight the boring. We have to embrace our inner exceptionality, be ok being uniquely different and empower our differences. This makes you attractive, memorable, powerful and liked. And I’m going to show you how:

Speak Beyond Words

Body language, which is one of my favorite topics to write about makes up over 60% of our communication. Yet, we often only think about the words we say. Not thinking about your body language or worse, using bad body language is offensively dull. Try using these two body language tips that help engage people:

• Lean In: Leaning towards someone is a nonverbal way of telling them you are engaged. It is a great way to show respect and keep them interested. When you slightly lean towards someone, you subconsciously pull people in your direction.

• Head Tilting: Head tilting shows interest and engagement. If you are speaking with someone, let them know you are present and interested by tilting your head and gazing at them. Be sure to not look over their head, at your phone or around the room, this shows lack of interest and sensitivity.

Know Your Value

If you are confident that you have something interesting to say, you will be interesting - science backs this up. Harvard psychologist Craig Malkin, Ph.D., found that confidence is sexy. His research confirmed that confidence breeds trustworthiness and warmth faster than physical appearance. During my big life change I discovered how much of my identity had been based on my job and how little I truly knew about myself. I definitely didn’t value myself. You need to find out who you are and what value you have to offer. Don’t be afraid if it seems “different” or “weird.” People love uniqueness and that is what makes people memorable and attractive. When someone has a deep level of inner value, they are the true opposite of boring.

This might sound harsh, but if you aren't willing to really connect with people just stay home. If you want to keep blending in, stop going to networking events. Stop going on dates. Stop trying to pitch new business. What’s the point of going to events if you aren’t going to be yourself, speak your truth and show your value? I hope you will decide to challenge yourself and step outside of your comfort zone. There is a much brighter, unboring, better way to live and you deserve it.

Vanessa Van Edwards is an author and highly sought after behavioral investigator. She is a columnist for Huffington Post and her work and research has been featured on CNN, Forbes, Business Week and the Wall Street Journal. Vanessa speaks regularly and appears in the media regarding the latest research. Vanessa’s groundbreaking workshops and courses teach individuals how to succeed in business and life by understanding the hidden dynamics of people. Her specialty is human lie detection and body language in business. For more information visit www.scienceofpeople.com.