Failure is a part of life. You can ask anybody this and they will confirm this unfriendly fact. It's that moment where the best thing to do is to just give up. Why bother moving forward when the core of a person is already crippled? Not so fast, friend. "Often we view failure as caused by internal sources, then the external ones. This means we blame ourselves for things that are actually external, and out of our control," said psychologist Nicole Martinez Psy.D., LCPC. In addition to the loss of self-esteem, we tend to sink our perspectives while fighting our inner monsters. You might not achieve all your goals but that doesn’t mean you're a loser and doomed from ever enjoying happiness again. No matter if it's a failed relationship or dream, here are principles to ponder after you've been sucker punched by life.
Take a stand.Okay, things did not work out, but this is the time to make a decision that you won't play the martyr. This doesn’t mean there is no acknowledgment of the events or outcomes said poet Maya Angelou. “You may encounter many defeats, but you must not be defeated. In fact, it may be necessary to encounter the defeats, so you can know who you are, what you can rise from, how you can still come out of it.” Maybe your business failed or you didn't get the job. Make the decision that this doesn't have to be the end, but the beginning. God has another route for you to take instead.
Get pumped up again.Invalidating emotions will continue to fuel the dark clouds above you. We are told to not “Throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded. You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what He has promised.” Every time you accomplish something or do something good, write it down on a slip of paper and stick it in a jar as a reminder of your success. This is an effective way to keep that motivational level up and to prompt you to press on.
Let it all out."Don't keep how you feel trapped inside of you like a shaken up soda," said Patrick Allan on Lifehacker.com. Go to the gym, rant in a diary, cry about your disappointment and let go of your anger. You need to allow your emotions to have a release. We can become exhausted from the unconscious anger and resentment when we hold onto the stress. Then it could manifest into depression. Psychology Today shared that anger is the result of beliefs that lead you to place exorbitant requirements on conditions. "The belief that you are entitled to fairness results from the mistaken idea that you are special."
Don’t make it your identity.Work to separate failure from you as a person because it does not reflect who you are as a person. This doesn't mean you're less talented or whole. "Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong," we are reminded in 2 Corinthians 12:9-10. Obsessing over failure will not change the consequence and it will just incapacitate you from moving ahead.
Change your view.Start looking up people who failed. Read biographies, articles and watch videos. The most successful people in the world have fallen. You will find that they too, tasted the hopelessness. What separates them from you is they altered their perspectives. Stop looking at everything with all-or-nothing thinking or looking at things as black-and-white. Life is not that way and you need to change course if this is part of your thinking. All-or-nothing thinking is a typical thought pattern many people have who are goal-driven. However, many subscribe to this way of life and think in extremes. Think back on what you did accomplish. When you do this it will shift your thinking and emotions.
Make a fresh start.Renew your approach to life and projects. Failing takes down the ego and allows you to re-chart another path towards a fresh start. This can include starting another business or taking another career path. Forbes entrepreneur writer Susan Tardanico pointed out, "Thomas Edison reportedly failed 10,000 times while he was inventing the light bulb. He was quoted as saying, 'I have found 10,000 ways something won’t work. I am not discouraged because every wrong attempt discarded is another step forward.'" Point taken, Edison, and in your case, look at this as a new chapter in your own life.
Move it.Keep moving forward in your purpose. Go take a trip, or embrace a change of scenery to clear your head. If you need help seek a trusted friend to give suggestions. When we keep focusing on the same images again, it makes us more depressed. Sometimes we need to force ourselves to walk away from things that no longer serve us. This may even re-inspire you to get back in the game.
Not so easy, huh? We know, but you can't allow failure to take down self-esteem, health and your future. Give life another whirl and resist the temptation to curl into a ball and emotionally die. The powerful choices you make today can alter your tomorrow for the better or for the worse.