Gossiping has long been condemned in the Bible and in society (Proverbs 16:28). Proverbs 20:19 tells us, “A gossip betrays a confidence; so avoid anyone who talks too much.” Being someone who gossips is never seen as a good thing, as it can completely tear apart a friendship or a relationship. As Christ followers, we need to choose to walk in the way of truth and avoid gossip.  

Gossiping Versus Having a Safe Place to Share Feelings 

Recent studies have been hinting that gossip is actually good for us. This could be because many people are mistaking sharing feelings or venting as gossiping. There is nothing wrong with being open with your feelings to someone you trust and to tell them about what is on your mind. For example, maybe you had a challenging time at work and you told your spouse that one of your co-workers had been making you feel worthless all day. 

This is not gossiping; however, many people would say it is. Sadly, amongst Christian circles, there are extremes. The truth of the matter is that sharing your feelings with someone is not gossiping. Gossiping is when you talk badly about someone with ill intent. It is often associated with lying. 

Informing your spouse, your friend, or your family about a person or event at work is not gossiping. It is simply telling them what happened, and opening the conversation for healing, growth, and renewed hope. 

Telling the Difference Between What is Gossip and What is Not

The Apostle Paul tells us, “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen” (Ephesians 4:29). 

It is helpful to discern what is gossip and what is not. Ask yourself these five questions to gauge yourself:

1. Are your words rooted in truth? 

2. Are your words grounded in love?  

3. Are your words hurtful? 

4. Are your words full of kindness? 

5. Do your words build others up?   

6. Are you bringing glory to God with what you say? 

7. Would God be proud of your words? 

Think about how you feel as you are answering these questions. They will help you to gauge whether or not you are gossiping or not. If you answer each of these questions with a “No,” then you are gossiping. Whenever you find yourself guilty of gossiping, then it is time to return to the Lord and stand before Him with a heart of repentance. He will be faithful to forgive you (1 John 1:9). 

You also need to ask yourself, “Would I want someone to speak about me in this way?” If you wouldn't want others to speak of you in a negative way, then you should not speak of them in a negative way or in a way that makes them look bad. This is in alignment with the words of the Lord, “Do to others as you would have them do to you” (Luke 6:31). 

Gossiping will only bring others down. There is no truth or benefit in doing this. It will only wreak havoc in your own life as well as in the lives of others. If you continue to gossip, many of your friends might stop being your friends. Not to mention, you might end up alone in life. Gossips do not tend to have many friends because other people know that you will speak poorly of them when they are not around. 

When you are in doubt of whether or not your words are gossip, even after going through the questions above, bring the matter before God. Ask Him to help you differentiate gossipping from sharing or venting your emotions. This step can be hard since so many people who grow up in church think they are gossiping if they say one thing that is not completely positive about someone else. 

Trust in God and allow Him to guide your steps, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight” (Proverbs 3:5-6). 

The Benefits of Speaking Your Mind

Gossiping is bad, but speaking your mind and sharing your worries, thoughts, and concerns is a great thing! Being honest with loved ones about when you are struggling, when you have gone through something challenging, when someone hurt your feelings or was mean to you, or when a friend betrays your trust is not gossiping. Sharing your feelings and having the freedom to speak freely will open your heart and mind to many benefits. 

For one, you will genuinely feel free. Rather than feeling guilty for sharing your concerns or thoughts, you will have the freedom to be genuine and authentic with your thoughts. It can truly be freeing to know that you can share what is on your mind without believing the lie that you are gossiping. 

Secondly, feeling free to speak your mind will ensure your relationships with others will become stronger. You will begin to trust them to a greater capacity and vice versa. Being authentic in your conversations with others will breed deeper and more meaningful relationships with those around you. It could be you will also help someone feel more open to sharing their own thoughts, opinions, worries and concerns. 

Lastly, being able to communicate with others around you will aid in your overall mental health. You may feel as though you need to bury your feelings deep within you, but avoid doing this. Burying your feelings and your own thoughts will lead you to feeling more anxious, restless, and depressed. However, if you start sharing your thoughts and concerns with trusted loved ones, it will help you feel known, seen, and loved. 

Gossiping and sharing your thoughts, worries, and concerns are two different things. To gossip about others or to be a gossip is never a good thing. However, sharing your thoughts, worries, and concerns with loved ones is great, and can benefit your overall well-being.