8 Phrases That Signify Zero Respect in a Relationship

Respect is a tricky objective to achieve with a significant other. However, it is critical for a successful relationship. There are phrases that could be called the ‘emotional vocabulary’ that either usher love in or cast it aside. When an individual in a relationship respects their partner they are saying ‘I do care.’ This respectful individual cares about their spouse’s opinions, feelings and desires even if they differ from their own. On the other hand, when an individual in a relationship is disrespectful they are saying “I don’t care.’ This disrespectful communicator is saying that they care more about their own opinions, feelings and desires. They put themselves before the emotions of their spouse. Respect means that ‘”one does not have to understand or agree with something for it to be someone else’s truth."

I Don't Care

A relationship is by nature a part of a whole. It is ideally two unique and independent beings celebrating and maintaining their individuality while joining together to become an emotionally successful team. Therefore, the phrase “I don’t care’ is counterintuitive to an individual who has consciously made this commitment. When one is a member of a team they have a larger responsibility than had they remained a party of one. Teams are assembled in sports, business, etc. in order to achieve success. They must and often do thrive because of the diversity of backgrounds, beliefs and talents that permit them to. The team members care if they win a game, create a successful project, etc. Therefore, why should a relationship be any different? The ultimate success of the relationship depends on whether or not a spouse respects the other.

Why Does That Matter to You?

This phrase could be interpreted one of two ways. In a respectful relationship that actually involved good communication it could be a healthy conversation. A back and forth to understand what the other partner is thinking.so that a compromise can be made; or perhaps to gain an understanding of how they feel or what they are saying. However, if a disrespectful communicator is asking this then it is often an attempt to prove to the significant other that something shouldn’t matter to them and that their feelings are not valid or relevant. Why? Simply because it is not in the other partners world view or personal truth and therefore they do not allow their partner to have varying opinions, feelings or beliefs.

That Shouldn't Bother You

This is a classic shut down phrase of a disrespectful communicator. A respectful communicator would say something such as, “I understand that you are bothered by that. I didn’t have the same experience, yet I know that you did.” This is a confirmation of the validity of the other individual’s thoughts, feelings and / or experience. All individuals have the right to process their feelings and how something impacts them. A spouse does not necessarily have to agree with that for it to be the other spouse’s truth. In a relationship individuals should be permitted to have their feelings expressed. Each individual does not have the same reaction to emotions, events, etc.

You're Overreacting

This ‘emotional vocabulary’ phrase is telling the partner, “I would not act that way nor should you.’ There are of course situations in the best of relationships that one spouse or the other may be overreacting to. A person could be overly fatigued, stressed, etc. and over-react. However, if a partner habitually uses this phrase it is indicative of a lack of respect. Each individual enters a relationship and brings their past with them. Therefore, usually there are childhood pressure points that a respectful spouse will understand and be responsive to. For instance, a parent who was always late might make a spouse overly stressed if they are running late. A respectful spouse would find these couple of childhood priorities something that should be respected. They would work to minimize the chance of being late when going to or arriving at places with their spouse.

Conclusion

Every human being deserves respect. All individuals should be allowed the luxury to thrive in a relationship with someone who allows them to be themselves and be heard without making apologies for it. It is in essence, the definition of unconditional love not just respect. Unfortunately, personal egos and poor communication skills get in the way of ‘emotionally profitable’ relationships. If more individuals ‘allowed’ their significant other their own emotions, perspective, and world and point of view then each would be happier within the relationship. However, respect can prove elusive in many relationships when in fact, it should be the foundation of a relationship. Individuals should learn the positive and negative ‘emotionally vocabulary’ phrases for ‘emotionally profitable’ relationships beginning with - Disrespect = I Don't Care ---- Respect = I Do Care.

That's Ridiculous

‘That’s ridiculous’ would be another ‘Warning Will Robinson’ emotionally dangerous phrase that a partner’s significant other is lacking respectful communication. Why would the thoughts, hopes, actions, worries, etc. of a spouse be ridiculous? The problem is that disrespectful communicators are often not on the receiving end of the same types of phrases and reactions. If they were then perhaps they would realize the pain of being dismissed. They would realize the frustration of attempting to get another to understand their world and point of view. The out of control feeling that comes from being habitually told that their thoughts don’t matter or essentially what matters to them does not at all matter to their partner.

That's Silly

This is again, a classic emotional ‘shut down’ phrase indicative of a disrespectful communicator. If thought about logically, why would another human being have the right to dismiss the emotions - thoughts, hopes, dreams, beliefs, worries, stress, sadness or wonder of another? In relationships without respect and therefore good communication there is a constant attempt to convince the other partner that “if your beliefs are not the same as mine, then they are stupid, senseless, unimportant, irrelevant, unnecessary, frivolous, over-reactive, pointless, wrong, or absurd. There is arrogance to an individual telling another human being that what they are doing or thinking is silly. That is simply one person’s opinion and respectful communicators would feel badly patronizing their partner.

You're Making a Big Deal Out of Nothing

Disrespectful communicators simply find it challenging to agree with much of what their significant other feels or says. This is another attempt to shove their own personal point of view and opinion down their spouse’s throat. Just because something does not matter to them does not mean that it is not a big, huge, ginormous, palatial and mammoth ‘something’ to their spouse. Individuals have different reactions and pressure points to what is either a ‘big deal’ or a ‘little deal’ in their own world. Who is another person to make that call for another individual? It quite frankly isn’t a significant others right to talk their partner out of their emotions.

That's Not My Problem

This disrespectful ‘emotional vocabulary’ phrase is completely contradictory to being in a relationship. An individual in a relationship by nature must care about what is happening in their partner’s world. It does not necessarily mean they have to solve their significant others problem; however it does need to be relevant and important in their world as well. If an individual has a problem at work, with the kids, etc. it is happening in the world that they built together. An over worked spouse, a sick parent, etc. demands that the other spouse be empathetic and understanding. Unfortunately, disrespectful communicators often find it difficult to be understanding and empathetic with situations, thoughts, etc. that they do not agree with.

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