Woulda, Shoulda, Coulda

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When you look back on your life, is there anything you wish you could change? Most of us would say yes — and we’re not alone in that sentiment, according to a new Northwestern University study that categorized and ranked Americans’ biggest life regrets. “Regrets help illuminate mistakes we have made and allow us to learn from them,” says study co-author Mike Morrison, a graduate student in the department of psychology at the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign. “The sting of regret can motivate us to make positive changes in our lives.” Among the more fascinating findings: Twice as many women as men (44 percent compared to 19) reported a love- or family-related regret; men were slightly more likely than women to have career or education-related remorse.

See what else survey participants reported regretting most — and how your do-over wish list stacks up.

Love Stinks

If you stop and think about the stuff of sad love song lyrics — the one who got away, the one who broke your heart, and the one you should never have gotten involved with in the first place — you won’t be too surprised to learn that 18 percent of people surveyed put a romantic relationship at the top of their regret list. Want to keep your current or next relationship from imploding? Learn how to fight fair. “Avoiding conflict can be the kiss of death in relationships, but don’t vent anger toward each other [either],” says Christine M. Allen, PhD, a psychologist and a life coach in New York City. “Instead, use awareness of hurt and anger to express more directly and constructively your needs and concerns.”

Losing Your Religion

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According to the Pew Research Center, nearly 6 in 10 U.S. adults say that religion is very important in their lives. However, despite these relatively high numbers — or, maybe because of them — 3 percent of those surveyed felt sorry about something spiritual. “Common issues included not going to church enough or making choices that people later felt were immoral and not in line with their religious beliefs,” says Morrison. Instead of feeling overwhelmed by spiritual guilt, try to reconnect with your faith in a positive way. Prayer and meditation help us relax, causing blood pressure to dip, heart rate to decrease, and muscle tension to ease up — all very healthy side effects, says Michael Stefanek, PhD, director of the Behavioral Research Center of the American Cancer Society.