Five Easy Rules to Deal with Difficult People by Dr. Steve McSwain l Handling Arguments l How to Get Along l When You Clash with Others

5 Easy Rules to Deal with Difficult People

At one time or another, we have all had dealings with difficult people. Do you remember the last time you did? Do you recall the last time someone intentionally spoke words to malign your character, question your motives or to just upset you? It would seem that some go out of their way to make life difficult for others. How did you deal with it? What was the outcome? What can you do next time it happens?

It’s a fact of life that we encounter difficult people with a negative attitude, who are toxic thinkers, who oppose what we think, sometimes for no other reason than to just be objectionable. Perhaps they simply don’t like us. Not everyone will, and that’s okay. Some people look for opportunities to trip us up, or will find almost any excuse to start an argument. But we certainly don’t have to go along with it.

Think Before You React

Before you react, before you formulate a response, think about these things: Difficult people will only bother you to the degree you allow them. As someone has said, “Nobody can ever upset you without your permission.” If you react to someone who has learned to push your buttons, you can trigger an avalanche of emotions and witness the landslide of your own character.

Remember, “Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall.” (Proverbs 16:18) You don’t want to get buried under the weight of this unnecessary burden. Not reacting to difficult people sends a clear signal to calm down. Be patient and polite. By doing so, you set observable boundaries.

Don’t Take It Personally

At all times, we are either presenting or perceiving. Usually, someone’s outward expression or reaction is really a reflection of some inner conflict within them. They mistakenly project it, however, onto someone else. You see, the trouble is within difficult people, so there is no need to take it personally. It is of greater help to understand, from the standpoint of compassionate awareness.

Remember, too, you don’t know what is going on in the other person’s life. They may be dealing with hardships you know nothing about. These things could be causing a stress reaction in them and they may not even be aware of it. Be as understanding and sensitive to their feelings as you can. When the other person sees that you care, it is very possible they will change their attitude toward you. But, even if they don’t, you have maintained your higher self.

Dial it Down

If you allow your ego the satisfaction of reacting, you will likely escalate the conflict and, as a consequence, rob yourself of your inner joy. Remember: “A soft answer turns away wrath, but grievous words stir up anger.” (Proverbs 15:1) There is no sense in adding fuel to the fire, is there? Instead, use every opportunity to de-escalate. If you cannot leave, you can redirect the conversation.

At all times, take the high road. Be true to who you are. And, remember one more thing. You may have difficult people in your life at this time, but there is a pretty good chance you have been the difficult person in someone else’s life. Be humble. Be true to yourself. And, above all, be Christ-like at all times.