6 Things to Know if You Love Someone With Anxiety

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Dating anyone is any challenge, but dating someone with anxiety can be especially challenging. Anxiety is unpredictable, confusing and intrusive. It’s tough not just for the people who have it but also for the people who love them. If you’re one of those people, you know too well that seeing some experience anxiety is bad enough and you’d do anything to make it better for the one going through it. When someone you love has an anxiety spell coming on, there’s nothing you can do to calm it down. Because you’re not in control of it and can’t stop your partner from experiencing it, it can be particularly overwhelming. People who struggle with depression and anxiety may experience a feeling of uncertainty or a feeling that what just happened was foolish and embarrassing. When you love someone with anxiety, being supportive is everything. Being with someone with depression and anxiety takes a special person. It may be complicated at times, but well worth the effort. Just requires a little extra TLC. Here are six things to know if you love someone with anxiety.

You are Not the Enemy

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You may think your loved one’s anxiety is about you, but it’s not. In their anxious moments, there may be times when they take out their angst on you. While that’s not fair or right, that may just be there way of learning how to work out their anxiety. If your loved one is making you feel like you’re on different sides during anxious moments, have a conversation about how to keep that from happening. While your loved one should have the space to express their emotion and anxiety, they shouldn’t let that be an invitation to take out those emotions on you. Doing this sets fair boundaries that honor you both. You guys are on the same team. You each need to know that you’re there for each other, not against each other.

Don’t Try to Suppress Their Anxiety

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While you probably have the best intentions, there are certain things you should never say to someone with an anxiety disorder. The first is “calm down.” Not only is this unhelpful, but hurtful as well. You’d better believe that if someone with an anxiety condition could just calm down, they very well would have relaxed by now. This isn’t just a “phase” or a “moment,” it’s a condition. Just as someone with a fever can’t just cool their temperature, someone with anxiety can’t just calm down.” Another thing you should never say is “It’s not serious.” Yes, it is serious. For a person with chronic anxiety, there are often physical symptoms associated with the disorder. The noise going on in the person’s head – along with the physical symptoms that often follow – feel quite serious.

Don’t Guilt

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If your loved one has anxiety, don’t guilt them. Most mental health issues aren’t caused by sinful decisions a person has made. Being anxious isn’t the result of a sin your loved one committed. Rather, they are specific manifestations of the universal human fall into sin and misery. They are signs of the same broken, sinful nature that abides in each of us. Let your loved one know you still respect and admire them. They need to know your good opinion of them hasn’t changed. Listen to them patiently. You may hear the same, or similar, story over and over and over. Don’t roll your eyes. Don’t let exasperation slip out, even if you feel it once in a while. Instead, listen actively, and patiently. Ask gentle questions, not to fix it but to hear it.

Learn Everything You Can About Their Condition

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You will have a difficult time communicating with your partner if you can’t understand what anxiety is or what it feels like. Look up people talking about it, for example. Read everything you can about the condition. There are so many websites that offer insight into the condition and ways to deal with it in your relationship. And even so, some people end up in counseling themselves to try to understand how to help themselves deal with their partner’s anxiety. If you make the effort to understand, your partner will appreciate it more than you know. It will also help you to be equipped to handle anything you might face. Learn everything about their condition and take each day as it comes.

Healthy Activities Can Help

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Fun and simple activities can reduce anxiety. If you or someone you know is battling anxiety issues and the resulting depression and other things that often go along with them, then you should be aware that drugs are not the only way to deal with anxiety. There are many activities that can be done with your partner that can help reduce their anxiety. Take a walk or a bike ride leisurely through the park. Slow dance in a class, or even in your living room. You can suggest healthy activities to do with your love one which can serve as a helpful transition once the intensity of the anxiety has subsided. These healthy activities can be game changers for those suffering with anxiety.

Pray For Your Loved One

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Pray for your loved one who is experiencing anxiety. Pray with them. For them. Out loud. Few things will fire more warmth and trust in a relationship than the simple act of asking God to help your loved one. A childlike plea will do. Often, the very act of praying for a loved one in need becomes the answer in the moment of need. Remember, God hears you. Sometimes we hear the thought in our head “God does not hear my prayers” and we think it’s our thought. Quietly, we agree with this subtle attack of the devil. The enemy constantly accuses us and lies to us. He is the father of lies (John 10:10) and he spews his lies and confusion all over us to thwart God’s beautiful plans for our lives. We cannot give into this voice that says God doesn’t hear our prayers. God listens.