5 Marks of a Narcissist

It’s really hard to see narcissistic characteristics in someone when we’re blinded by love. One of the biggest reasons we have trouble seeing narcissistic or psychopathic behavior is probably because it’s really hard to believe that these types of individuals actually exist. We can’t really imagine that someone is devising or hurting us, with no conscience or that someone is lying and making up stories so that they can hurt us. It’s also hard for us to understand the reason behind all of it – the physical and emotional pain and destruction. Unfortunately, these types of people really do exist and you may know them personally, or intimately. Relationships with narcissist usually involve deceit, lack of empathy and intentional exploitation. The following signs indicate that you may be dealing with someone who has narcissistic tendencies. It’s especially important that we protect ourselves from those who wish to hurt us, both intentionally and unintentionally. If these behaviors are showing up in your relationship, it’s probably in your best interest to step away from the relationship. Here are five marks of a narcissist.

They create confusion, chaos and conflicts.

Shutterstock.com

Narcissists are known to create confusion, chaos and conflicts. The narcissistic lover with a narcissistic personality will create turmoil on a regular basis and on purpose to keep you in a heightened state of anxiety. He or she will do this even when things are good so you don’t expect the relationship to go left or to be kicked to the curb. This is why the silent treatment always catches us off-guard, sending us into a tail-spin trying to figure out what happened. Creating chaos is one of the oldest narcissistic tactics in the book, next to the silent treatment and is absolutely intentional. Everything that a narcissist does is done with the purpose of keeping you on your toes. The chaos they create tends to be a passive-aggressive, manipulative type of behavior and overtime, it becomes an everyday occurrence.

They fool you.

Shutterstock.com

Narcissists are experts at flattery – they fool others with their flattering words. They want other people to think that they’re better, more attractive, more interesting and smarter than everyone else. And in the initial phases of a relationship they tend to tell whoever they’re dating that he or she is wonderful, attractive, interesting and smart, because they think that it reflects well on them: they’re marvelous, so they choose marvelous partners. The trouble is that they can’t deal with the inevitable result of what that proves: your development of affection for them. So what do they do? They flip the script. The minute you start getting close to them, the fear of exposing their intrinsic lack of lovability starts to kick in and they’ll begin to push you away, leaving you confused, upset and in pain.

They take advantage of you.

Shutterstock.com

Narcissists are known to take advantage of good and vulnerable people. If your partner is constantly consumed with their life and their needs, proceed with caution. They will take advantage of you. They play on the kindness and sympathy of good people, and then try to mislead them. They will demand mercy, but never give any themselves. They will also push for warmth, forgiveness and intimacy from those they have harmed with no empathy. They also have no real intention of making amends or working hard to regain lost trust. A partner that does not concentrate equally to both individuals in the relationship will not change their priorities down the road. They are also known to be shape-shifters. They love to have their egos stroked. They embody a new persona in order to please people and get what they want. Usually, what they want is there ego stroked and constant admiration.

They are controlling.

Shutterstock.com

Narcissists not only demand control, they crave it. Controlling people use a whole arsenal of tools in order to dominate their partners – whether they or their partners realize what’s happening or not. Sometimes, the emotional manipulation is complex enough that the person who is being controlled actually believes that they themselves are the villain, or that they are extremely lucky that their partner puts up with them. Their highest authority is their own self-reference. They reject feedback, real accountability and make up their own rules to live by. They are the type to use Scripture to their own advantage, but ignore and reject passages that might require self-correction and repentance.