3 Practical Questions to Ask Yourself When You’re Tempted to Gossip

The human tongue has the unique ability to tear someone down just by uttering the wrong words. Words are a very powerful force. We as humans have the ability to build someone up or tear someone down just by selecting the right words.

There is a 19th century folktale about a young man who went about town slandering the town’s wise man. One day, he went to the wise man’s home and asked for forgiveness. The wise man, realizing that this man had not internalized the gravity of his transgressions, told him that he would forgive him on one condition: that he go home, take a feather pillow from his house, cut it up, and scatter the feathers to the wind. After he had done so, he should then return to the wise man’s house.

Though puzzled by this strange request, the young man was happy to be let off with so easy a penance. He quickly cut up the pillow, scattered the feathers, and returned to the house.

“Am I now forgiven?” he asked.

“Just one more thing,” the wise man said. “Go now and gather up all the feathers.”

“But that’s impossible. The wind has already scattered them.”

“Precisely,” he answered. “And though you may truly wish to correct the evil you have done, it is as impossible to repair the damage done by your words as it is to recover the feathers. Your words are out there in the marketplace, spreading hate, even as we speak.”

There are many ways to hurt a person, but the easiest and simplest method is to gossip. Whisper a story about someone in an ear and see how quickly it manifests and grows out of proportion. Once gossip is spoken it can never be taken back. Trust is broken and the damage is done. You can ask for forgiveness for what you said, but you can never take back what was said and the trust level is shattered.

If you find yourself in a situation where you must talk here are some suggestions to use as a guide before telling what you think you know about someone else.

It is it true?

Are you absolutely certain beyond the shadow of a doubt that the information you are revealing is the truth? Is it the whole truth and nothing but the truth? Was the person emotional and upset when he or she was confiding in you? Sometimes when people are upset they have a tendency to leave out parts of a story, and this means you are in fact spreading lies about your friend or worse family member. Were you a witness to what you are about to reveal or did Janet confide in you over a cup of coffee or on maybe on a phone call? If Janet confided in you over a cup of coffee perhaps it’s not a good idea to blab their personal business everyone you speak to. It is interesting that we as humans are so quick to believe the bad that is said about others and we are so eager to tell others. Why? We live in such an advanced society yet we still are unable to accept the fact that gossip can and will cause significant damage to that person and maybe even their loved ones. Gossip is extremely hurtful and it is a sin in the bible, so why do we continue to do it?

Is it kind?

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Was Peggy telling you about her friend that is going through an emotional divorce? Or was John discussing his son who is an addict? Was Peggy emotional when she was confiding in you? Think about the last time you went through your own emotional journey. Now think about the friend that you leaned on and told your darkest secrets to. Would you want them telling others your very private conversations? Probably not. Generally speaking if you are about to open your mouth about something that is not kind to anyone you probably should just keep quiet. Still confused? Revealing intimate details about another couple’s breakup, a person fighting an addiction, someone with money problems is a violation of their trust, and those details are nothing more than gossip to anyone other than the friend who confided in you. Why risk the loss of a friendship over the temptation to gossip?

Is it fair?

Sometimes gossip is innocent. Perhaps we think we are merely repeating information to another friend or family member, just giving them up update. But why? Why do we deem it necessary to repeat another person’s private information if we are not a reporter for the National Enquirer? The issue with repeating information is that most of the time we only get half the story right. Sometimes we tell the truth, but we do not know the entire story and this dramatically changes the situation. Sometimes we are told in confidence and end up violating the other person’s privacy and shattering their trust with you. Sometimes we tell the truth in a way to make the other person look ridiclious. And sometimes we just flat out lie all for the sake of gossip.

The bottom line is gossip is hurtful and wrong. Gossip is violating to the person who spoke to you in confidence, it’s even hurtful to you. Gossip leaves you looking like a bored wash lady destroying the trust you once had with the person who once viewed you as a valuable, trustworthy friend.

Gossip shatters your trustworthiness.

People always conduct business with those they know, like and trust. If you gossip, people will assume you talk about them when they are not around. The person you are speaking to may seem delighted and eager to hear your “news” but their opinion of you will always diminish. When you choose to gossip you are breaking the confidence of others and violating their privacy. That, or you are merely spreading lies. Either way, gossip will always tarnish your character. Gossip drags a relationship in the mud, muddies it and eventually will dismantle the entire relationship. When you choose to participate in gossip you become the negative aspect of the stories you are spreading. Perhaps the best advice is to simply not gossip. This takes massive discipline but your friends, family and coworkers will respect you tremendously and as a result you will live a less stressful, happier and drama free life.