woman depressed headache sadWhen you’ve experienced heartbreak, it can feel like the whole world is closing in around you. Coming out of that hurt is remarkably uneasy, especially when you didn’t see the relationship coming to an end. While closure is what we often say we want, it’s not always the first thing we seek when we’re trying to hold onto the love we lost. But closure isn’t the thing we need to be going after. When our hearts are broken, we should be finding ourselves and coming to a place of peace so we are no longer suffering so we can heal and move forward. If you’re looking to heal from heartbreak, it’s important that you make yourself a priority first.

One of the first steps you need to take in order to mend is to remove the memories of that person that are active in your everyday life. While you’re not trying to forget the person you were once with ever existed, having reminders of them all around you will only bring you back to the hurt again, and again, and again. Remove anything that is a constant reminder of that person around you. That includes gifts, letters and messages, even pictures around your room. When we’re hurting, we often go back to these things to hold on to the little piece we have of that person, but obsessing can be toxic to your own emotional health and well-being.

When you’ve been in a relationship for a long time, “you” isn’t always your first priority. But when you come out of a relationship with a broken heart, you have to take some time for yourself. In the beginning, it doesn’t have to be heavy. Take a weekend to hang with the friends that you haven’t caught up with since you got caught up in your relationship and do something you really love to do. This will remind you not only of how happy you were when you were around them, but also that you can stand on your own.

Another phase of “you” being a first priority is to make your health a priority, not just emotionally, but also physically. When we’ve spent a lot of time invested in someone, sometimes we let ourselves go because we’re so comfortable. After the relationship ends, it’s easy to let ourselves go even more because of all the stress and pain we’re dealing with. The gym is a great place to go to begin this process. When you sweat, the serotonin released from the brain acts as a natural anti-depressant which can improve your mood, and eventually your outlook. Exercising and eating right will also help build your confidence back. While going to the gym to get your body right so that person will notice you again is not a healthy approach, getting active to make yourself feel more confident about yourself is.

depressed-manNow, there will come a point where you need to deal with the heavier part of the heartbreak. When you finally get to this place, you’ll need to do some major self-reflection. Don’t be afraid of your emotions. You will hurt, you will cry. The important thing is that you’re confronting these emotions head on. During this reflection, you will need to ask yourself want went wrong in the relationship, not as a way to knock yourself or the other person down, but know what the relationship’s strengths and weaknesses were, so you can grow in your next relationship. This can be anything from I couldn’t love my partner, because I never was happy with myself  to I was cheated on or abused in the past, so I had trouble trusting again. It’s important during this process that you don’t obsess over fault. Remember, there’s a reason you are where you are and fault should never be the focus. Once you deal with the pain out loud, you can come to a point where you forgive and begin again.

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