8 Things Recovering Addicts Wish You Knew

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It takes strength to turn away from addiction. It takes courage, resourcefulness, and a sincere desire to change. Every day, countless people make the difficult transition from addict to recovery—a triumph deserving of celebration.

But others don’t always join in that celebration. Addiction occurs for a variety of reasons. Everyone has a deeply personal story attached to their own—few people are cartoon villains, twiddling their moustaches as they decide to be bad for bad’s sake. Some come from places of unimaginable pain, their souls grown so calloused that the only way to experience happiness is to inject it. Others hail from places of incredible boredom and lack of opportunity, and end up snorting their excitement.

Wherever the motivation for addiction comes from, it is certainly destructive, and the worst results of addiction are what most people think of when they think of addicts—the gaunt faces, violent tirades, theft, domestic abuse and mental illness-like symptoms that often accompany substance abuse.

But focusing only on stereotypes leads to misconceptions and discrimination, and impedes recovery when the addict’s support system doesn’t truly believe in them. To dispel some of these stereotypes, take a look at these 8 things that recovering addicts wish you knew.

Addiction doesn't make them bad people.

The mythology of addiction is compelling. Sensational media, television, and film often depict addicts—recovering or not—as lifelong criminals who will jump at the chance to regain their fix, that they’re ticking time bombs just waiting for the right provocation to steal, abuse, or kill. Because of this, the popular opinion is that addicts are bad people, clearly on the dark side of the divide between “them” and “us”.

But reality is seldom so simple. This mythology exists because of fear—fear of the unknown, fear of those unlike ourselves. To those who have never experienced substance abuse, a recovering addict is often simplified down to a mix of stereotypes. But to think in this way is to ignore the complexity, the suffering, and the very humanity of recovering addicts.

These are people who have, like all of us, committed a mixture of good and bad deeds, and now suffer from a disease that could have affected any of us. They are someone’s mother or father, they are pastors and doctors and businessmen and caregivers. In the end, if you take nothing else away from this, remember one thing.

They are us.

They have a human story.

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Recognizing recovering addicts as “us” people rather than “those” people is only the beginning. Behind every addiction is a story, and it is through stories that we learn to have empathy for others.

Imagine that you’re enduring intense emotional or physical pain. You’ve lost a loved one, or you have a chronic disease, or you’ve been abused. Now imagine that you’re introduced to a substance that can take that pain away for a little while.

You’d be tempted, wouldn’t you? Imagine that the losses keep piling up, the pain increases, and your opportunities continue to slip farther and farther into the realm of the impossible. Those substances are looking even better now, aren’t they?

People don’t delve into substance abuse because they want to be evil. They take opiates because of chronic back pain. They drink to forget the loss of someone they loved. They get high to escape the boredom of a life without opportunity to grow and move up.

Recovering addicts want you to know that they have a story. If you take the time to learn it, you’ll find a greater empathy for those suffering from addiction.

They need you.

A support structure is incredibly important for recovering addicts. With 20 million people currently struggling through addiction recovery, chances are that you have a friend, family member, or spouse who is engaged in or recovering from substance abuse.

A vital part of addiction recovery is the emotional support of loved ones. This creates a healthy environment in which healing can occur, and is one of the most decisive factors in a person’s ability to recover from substance abuse.

Again, addicts are people. They need you—they need to be loved, validated, and, sometimes, kept accountable. They need you to be one of the few people in their lives who will listen to their story and withhold judgment, treating them like a human, supporting them while not enabling the behavior that got them into addiction in the first place.

So if you ever do find yourself facing a loved one who is going through or recovering from addiction, be there for them. They need you.

They know you're disappointed.

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Most recovering addicts know that substance abuse is wrong and destructive, both for themselves, and for those who love them. It can be tempting to continually express your disappointment in an expression of “tough love”.

Don’t do this. Someone who has made the effort to break an addiction and attempt recovery has displayed an incredible feat of strength.

A much better way of interacting is positive reinforcement. Praise your recovering friend or loved one for what they’re doing well. Make sure that they know you’re proud of them.

Addiction often comes from a place of pain, so make recovery as easy as possible by providing comfort. This doesn’t mean that you refrain from holding your recovering loved one accountable for their actions, but rather that you remain positive in your interactions—so no name-calling, put-downs, or assumptions.

They’re going through a very difficult time as they recover. Express pride rather than disappointment.

Addiction can happen to anyone.

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When we dismiss addicts as bad people, what we’re truly doing is asserting our own superiority. But one of the most startling facts about addiction is the fact that the problem is spread out across every demographic, race, nationality, and social class.

That’s why it’s so important to remember that recovering addicts aren’t “them”. When we remember that they’re “us,” we can better guard against addiction in our own lives, and in the lives of those around us. There’s a certain cultural blindness that prevents the average person from believing that someone in their world could fall to substance abuse. But it happens. And a sense of superiority leads to the naive idea that we are somehow immune.

Young or old, man or woman, rich or poor, many of us are only one bad day away from an addiction. Remember that. Drugs and alcohol don’t discriminate, and neither should we.

It doesn't help to bring up the past.

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It can be incredibly difficult to understand the logic behind substance abuse—after all, why would someone put something harmful into their body?

But learning to, as we’ve said, listen to a recovering addict’s story and take into account their current actions is incredibly important to their recovery. Constantly bringing up a troubled past won’t help safeguard the future—it will only drive the person away and create resentment.

Realize that people grow and change, and what was once a valid criticism may no longer be. You’re trying to indict a version of a person that no longer exists. Instead, discuss issues that are happening now. If problems exist, address them. Addressing problems that have already been resolved keeps the focus off current issues.

If someone is in recovery, they’ve already taken steps to resolve the troubles of their past. Let those troubles stay there, and focus on the present.

They are not their addiction.

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When you look at your loved one or friend who is recovering from substance abuse, train yourself to see them, rather than simply seeing an alcoholic or a “druggie”. These labels carry huge stereotype baggage, and conjure images of gaunt-faced, violent criminals, and can change the way we feel about an otherwise good person.

Yes—the choice to begin substance abuse rests solely in the hands of the addicted. But to stop seeing a human being, and begin seeing only the addiction results in making the addict feel like an outcast, and that feeling is a huge factor in the downward spiral of many addicts.

How can you realize this for the recovering addict in your life? Talk to them! Learn more about them, about their dreams and aspirations, about their life story. Learning about a person helps you see the world through their eyes, and generates empathy—something the world desperately needs more of.

They have something to teach you.

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Finally, remember that every hardship results in learning. Recovering addicts, especially, tend to learn the hard lesson that hiding from life’s problems is not an effective way to deal with them, and that not all coping mechanisms are good ones. They learn that all people can take a wrong path in life, but that this doesn’t make them bad people. Even better, they learn that people can always change, no matter how deeply engrained their bad habits may be.

Many recovered addicts have gone on to become wildly successful motivational speakers. Why? Because they’re able to help others learn from a traumatic experience without ever having to have that experience themselves—an extraordinarily valuable thing.

Perhaps the greatest thing recovering addicts find that they’ve learned from their experience is a greater sense of compassion and empathy. Their eyes have been opened to the reality of how easy it is to become lost, to make bad choices in the face of unbearable pain.

It is all this and much more that they have to teach us. Listen to them.