6 Things to Remember When You’re Struggling to Forgive

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Forgiveness is difficult, especially when we’ve been hurt deeply by someone. We all struggle with forgiveness at some point in our lives, but handing on to anger, resentment and thoughts of revenge only cause self-imposed suffering. When we do this, we become both the prisoner and the jailer. The truth is forgiveness is for our own growth and happiness. Holding on to our pain harms us far more than it harms the offender. Forgiveness allows us to move on without anger or contempt or seeking revenge. There are times when we don’t feel like forgiving right after being hurt, but how can we move forward in our own lives, particularly as Christians, if we are unwilling to forgive. Especially when call on God to forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us. Are they just empty words? If you harbor anger and choose not to forgive, you will be holding onto bitterness, thinking badly of others, sinning and opening a door to the enemy to get into your life and cause havoc. Here are six things to remember when you’re struggling to forgive.

Forgiveness Frees Us

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Forgiveness doesn’t justify harmful behavior, and it doesn’t mean we’ll continue relating to those who hurt us in the same way, but it does set us free of a huge burden that only God can make right. Learning to forgive and not just on the surface, but from the heart, is a transformation that takes place on a soul level. It is a selfless act in line with God’s Will. Even Jesus – as He was being crucified – prayed for God to forgive. While soldiers mocked Him and gambled for His clothes by throwing dice, He prayed, ‘Father, forgive them, for they don’t know what they are doing.” (Luke 23:34). Forgiveness opens our hearts. It frees us from the pain we could otherwise carry for years and years.

Forgiveness Helps Us Grow

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If we do not forgive those who wronged us, who offended us, hurt us or made us suffer some way or another, then as any connection to those persons or to the incident arises, it will keep on feeling like a knife stabbing us in the heart. Forgiveness has to take place in our hearts first and then it will show in our behavior towards that person. Just as we recognize if there is bitterness in a person’s heart towards someone, by the way they treat that person, others can recognize it in our behavior too. Once you have forgiven anyone in your life you feel has harmed you, you suddenly find you have more time for thinking good, productive and useful thoughts instead of complaining which tears us down and pulls us further way from God’s desire for us.

Forgiveness is a Free Gift

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Motivated by love, God provided a way for our sins to be forgiven: He sent Jesus to be our Savior. When we trust in the Lord’s substitutionary sacrifice on our behalf, we receive the gift of forgiveness. God’s will is that we, as forgiveness people, show mercy to those who wrong us – to the same degree that He forgave us in Christ. Forgiveness is a free gift. We are free to give it and also free to receive it. The Bible tells us, “Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, ‘Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times? Jesus answered, ‘I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.’” (Matthew 18:21-22).

Forgiveness is Empowering

Forgiving is empowering. Forgiving those who have done you wrong gives you the power back. It unbinds you from the effects of that transgression and opens the door to the Lord to deal with the situation. 2 Corinthians 2:7 says, “Now instead, you ought to forgive and comfort him, so that he will not be overwhelmed by excessive sorrow.” also leads to healing. Holding onto resentment and not forgiving is sinful and stands in the way of physical wellness. Forgiveness isn’t about letting injustice reign. It’s about creating your own justice and your own destiny. It doesn’t mean that you are giving up all your power. Forgiveness means you’re finally ready to take it back.

Jesus Tells Us To

The human tendency is to attach conditions when extending forgiveness and mercy. We think I will forgive you only if you apologize or you must fix the problem, and then I’ll stop being angry. That’s not what our Savior did. Romans 5:8 expresses in this way: ‘But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.” Remember that forgiveness isn’t just something Jesus desires for us. He actually commands it. It something He tells us to do. He suffered, died and was resurrected so that we could have forgiveness. Mark 11:25 says, “And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive them, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.”