Funniest Bible Jokes

Parrot & the Bible

Four brothers left home for college, and they became successful doctors and lawyers and prospered. Some years later, they chatted after having dinner together. They discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly mother who lived far away in another city.

The 1st said, "I had a big house built for Mama."

The 2nd said, "I had a $100,000 theatre built in the house."

The 3rd said, "I had my Mercedes dealer deliver an SL600 to her."

The 4th said, "You know how Mamma loved reading the Bible and you know she can't read anymore, because she can't see very well. I met this preacher who told me about a parrot that can recite the entire bible. It took 20 preachers 12 years to teach him. I had to pledge to contribute $100,000 a year for 20 years to the church, but it was worth it. Mama just has to name the chapter and verse and the parrot will recite it."

The other brothers were impressed. After the holidays Mama sent out her Thank You notes. She wrote:

Milton, the house you built is so huge I live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house. Thanks anyway.

Marvin, I am too old to travel. I stay home, I have my groceries delivered, so I never use the Mercedes. The thought was good. Thanks.

Michael, you gave me an expensive theater with Dolby sound. It could hold 50 people, but all of my friends are dead, I've lost my hearing and I'm nearly blind. I'll never use it. Thank you for the gesture; just the same.

Dearest Melvin, you were the only son to have the good sense to give a little thought to your gift. The chicken was delicious. Thank you.

Luv Ya, Mama

Bickering & the Bible

After creating heaven and earth, God created Adam and Eve.
And the first thing he said was, "Don't".
"Don't what?" Adam replied.
"Don't eat the forbidden fruit." God said.
"Forbidden fruit? We have forbidden fruit? Hey, Eve...we have forbidden fruit!"

"No way!" says Eve
"Yes way!" says Adam
"Do NOT eat the fruit!" said God.
"Why?" Adam and Eve both ask.
"Because I am your father and I said so!" God replied, (wondering why he hadn't stopped creation after making the elephants).

A few minutes later, God saw his children having an apple break and He was ticked!
"Didn't I tell you not to eat the fruit?" God, as our first parent, asked.
"Uh huh," Adam replied.
"Then why did you?" said the Father.
"I don't know," said Eve.
"She started it!" Adam said.
"Did not!" said Eve.
"Did too!"
"DID NOT!"

Having had it with the two of them, God's punishment was that Adam and Eve should have children of their own.

Thus, the pattern was set and it has never changed!