Dating & Marriage Jokes

Deals

During the wedding rehearsal, the groom approached the minister with an unusual offer. "Look, I'll give you $100 if you'll change the wedding vows. When you get to me and the part where I'm to promise to 'love, honor and obey' and 'forsaking all others,' I'd appreciate it if you'd just leave that part out."

He passed the minister the cash and walked away satisfied.

The wedding day arrives, and the bride and groom have moved to that part of the ceremony where the vows are exchanged. When it comes time for the groom's vows, the minister looks the young man in the eye and says,

"Will you promise to bow yourself before her, obey her every command and wish, serve her breakfast in bed every morning of your life and swear eternally before God and your lovely wife that you will not ever even look at another woman, as long as you both shall live?"

The groom gulped and looked around, and said in a tiny voice,

"Yes."

The groom leaned toward the minister and hissed,

"I thought we had a deal."

The minister put the $100 into his hand and whispered back,

"She made me a much better offer."

Providing

After Leslie brought home her fiance to meet her parents, her father invited the young man into his study to find out more about him.

"What are your plans?" he asked Joseph. "I'm a scholar of the Bible," Joseph replied. "Well, that's admirable," Leslie's father replied.

"But what will you do to provide a nice house for my daughter?" "I will study, and God will surely provide for us," Joseph explained.

"And how will you buy her a nice engagement ring?" "I will study hard, and God will provide for us."

"And children?" asked the father. "How will you support children?" "Don't worry, sir, God will provide," replied the fiancé.

The conversation continued in much the same fashion. After Joseph and Leslie had left, her mother asked her father what he found out. The father answered, "Well, he has no job and no plans, but the good news is that he thinks I'm God."