- I clean house every other day.... Today is the other day!

- If you write in the dust, please don't date it!

- I would cook dinner but I can't find the can opener!

- My house was clean last week, too bad you missed it!

- A clean kitchen is the sign of a wasted life.

- COOK CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!

- I came, I saw, I decided to order take out.

- If you don't like my standards of cooking...lower your standards.

- You may touch the dust in this house...but please don't write in it!

- Apology...Although you'll find our house a mess, come in, sit down, converse. It doesn't always look like this: Some days it's even worse.

- A messy kitchen is a happy kitchen, and this kitchen is delirious.

- If we are what we eat, then I'm easy, fast, and cheap.

- A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.

- Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.

- Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to be amused.

- A clean house is a sign of a misspent life.

- Help keep the kitchen clean - eat out.

- Countless number of people have eaten in this kitchen and gone on to lead normal lives.

- My next house will have no kitchen --- just vending machines.