Someone warned me that I would be content with only kissing, but a boy would always be thinking ahead to the next step.

Someone taught me that if I went too far with a boy he wouldn't respect me anymore.

They taught me that if I didn't go far enough, I wasn't really being fair.

They taught me that boys love virgins...

That boys hate virgins.

That boys can't be expected to help themselves.

That my sexuality was a rose, and that every time I had sex, a petal of my rose would fall off. Did I want to give my husband a wilted stem?

Are they telling you these things, too?

Let me teach you something. Those who tell you that sex is intimate and sacred . . . they're right. But please also know that you are God's child, not an item to be assigned a value. Your sexuality can never make you worthless.

Those who tell you boys have a powerful sex drive are also right, but please know that you do, too. You're supposed to. God designed you so that you could one day enjoy sex. The only reason anyone tells you different is because history was written by the boys, and to them, your sexuality is a mystery. But it's real.

Those who tell you you have to choose between being an angel or a temptress . . . they're so wrong. You are a complicated human being. It is not your responsibility to epitomize purity or wickedness. It is only your responsibility to place yourself in your Creator's hands and live a life worthy of His daughter.

It is your responsibility to relate to your body through your own perspective, not the perspective of the guys you like, don't like, or may one day like. It is your responsibility to respect and love the part of yourself that creates pleasure and life. It is your responsibility to get to know yourself well enough to decide what's right for your body.

It is your responsibility to honor your boom-shaka, va-va-va-voom, and chicka-chicka-wow-wow, because this world is jam-packed with people who will try to tell you what those things are for. And if you lose your own voice amid the warnings, whining, and admonishments, you'll lose the most important matter at hand:

That your Creator gave you sexuality because He loves you. It's a blessing. And it only belongs to you.

Owning It

Every curve and corner,
every breath and impulse,
it's all mine.
And with the courage you've instilled in me,
I finally hold it in my hands,
I stand firm and own it.

Please help me keep this grasp.
Keep me wise and reverent,
And keep me mindful that this set of precocious hips
is no less than a gift of Yours,
a gift to be honored,
a gift to be adored,
a gift belonging only
to the woman you gave it to.

-Abi Wurdeman


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