Some of the worst days you will go through in life are immediately following a big breakup. You can feel that your world is imploding and God abandoned you. You built a life together with another person only to have it all fall apart. Being back to square one on your quest to find your soul mate can be lonely and depressing.
No one jumps into the dating pool hoping that it will one day end in a breakup. We hope that God guides us to date someone that we will fall in love with, marry and have kids with some day. God even wants us to be together with our soul mate for life (Genesis 2:18, Proverbs 18:22, 1 Corinthians 7:2, 9). So why then, does God let Christian relationships fail? Why must we go through heartbreak?
Here are some reasons why God lets Christian relationships fail, and how they are all a part of His grander plan for you.
The person you were dating wasn't as great as you thought they were.
You may not even realize how damaging the relationship is, because you are being blinded by love. When you are head over heels for someone, you ignore the red flags that pop up. The relationship could be ruining your mental and physical wellbeing without you even noticing. God may be pulling you away from the relationship for your own sanity and survival. With time, you usually lose the tunnel vision you had on the relationship and are able to reflect back on it with an objective lens. Then you will see the little things that proved the relationship was not meant for you in the long term.
It wasn't really love.
Do you know the different between lust, infatuation and true everlasting love? According to the Bible in 1 Corinthians 13, love is patient, kind, full of trust and humble. Infatuation, on the other hand, is a moment of intense emotional high. We don't think rationally or logically and are often unable to notice any red flags. The feelings of infatuation are not suitable and are doomed to die down. In comparison, a true lasting love is a commitment to someone that understands there are life's ups and downs. Even when the honeymoon phase dies down and the flaws of our partner emerge, a true love remains strong.
God desires a stronger relationship with you.
Again, being head over heels in love can blind you from reality. Many of us get excited about our relationships to a point where it becomes an idol. Idolatry is a sin we are repeatedly warned about in the Bible, and is anything you desire more than God. It can be anything from money to success, but for many younger Christians it can be an obsession to get married. If you look back at your relationship, do you notice a pattern where you made them the highest priority in your life? You gave it all your time, focus and resources? If so, this might be why God called you away from it. He wants you to be focused on Him and strenghtening your relationship with each other, over one with another early human.
In addition, losing someone you love will help you find Jesus, if you choose to seek Him out. When you feel that you are most alone in life, you can find comfort in knowing that Jesus is there for you. Jesus had it hard during His life too, so He understands what it means to feel alone and in pain. He also knows the joy you ultimately will get through painful processes, so He can help guide you. Take a moment to pray and share your feelings with Jesus and you will be surprised at how much anxiety can be immediately lifted.
There is a purpose for your pain.
There is no circumstance you will face in life where there isn't a purpose for the pain you go through. God is using the pain you feel in ways you would never imagine. You don't need to feel that you wasted our time, because each moment that you spent in your last relationship was an important learning lesson from God. He will be able to reveal that purpose to you in time. Only God can reveal to you the reasons the relationship did not work out, and His ultimate purpose behind the breakup. Therefore don't be afraid to reach out to Him and ask Him what the bigger plan is. You might not get an answer right away, but with time you will see the doors He opens for you.
Furthermore, you can then take these lessons with you into future relationships. Through failed love, you see all the ways you don’t want to be treated by someone and start to value the relationships that lift you up that much more. If you’re able to convey why a past relationship didn’t work out, it helps potential partners understand how you desire to be treated in a relationship. Through the pain you can identify how Jesus loved others and how you also deserve that type of love from someone else.
God is making you into a better person.
After a breakup, you can feel like damaged goods. You don't want to talk about it because there is a sense of shame that surrounds a failed union. However even a broken, sad, and hurt you is one that God finds beautiful. God takes that heartache, failure, regret and pain and uses it to help make you an even stronger, better version of yourself. God is always doing good for us, even when we are at our lowest.
Though you might have thought you found the one you were going to marry, that doesn’t mean all hope is lost forever. God has something amazing in the works for you that is worth waiting for. One day, all the pain you felt from past relationships will not matter because you will be with someone that exceeds all your expectations.