Why are you drawn to people who are bad for you? The answer is quite simple. It’s because we are wounded. This is the side of ourselves we don’t like to confront. This is often the result of childhood trauma. Trauma is anything that overwhelms the body’s ability to cope. As a result of this trauma, we carry insecurities and demons with us. Wounded children become wounded adults. When we don’t address these things early, they carry over into our adult life and the people we seek. The more we try to pretend we’re not wounded, the uglier our relationships can get. We seek the wrong types of people for us and end up dissatisfied. If you find yourself drawn to bad people, there are a few things you can do to stop attracting them.
Confront the trauma.
Trauma disrupts love. This is why it’s important to tackle the wounds you received while growing up. When you come to terms with them, you will get a step closer to healing and can really begin to live a happier life. When this trauma isn’t confronted, it can be hard to give love to another person. It is only when we have love for ourselves that we can truly love someone else. A good way to begin confronting childhood issues and trauma is to seek therapy. Talking to someone who is trained in helping people deal with emotional issues is a step in the right direction of healing. If we don’t deal with these issues, we will search for and attract the wrong people.
Eliminate the negatives from your life.
First, ask yourself, who is in your space? What kind of people are you hanging around and attracting? If you are spending time around negative people, you will begin seeing negativity surfacing in your life. The best way to eliminate negative people in your life is to simply distance yourself from them. If you find yourself attracted to people with negative attitudes and qualities, know that these people will influence your mood and behaviors. These are not the kind of people you want to build with.
Don’t give too much of yourself.
Misery loves company. When things appear to be going well in your life, toxic partners will do everything they can to keep you down and hinder your happiness. One of the big reasons people will do this is because they are intimidated by our happiness or simply unhappy with it themselves. You mustn’t give energy to these types of people. This means not arguing with them and letting them break you down. When you give in to people like this, they will really tear you down. The less you give in to these types of people, the less they have to feed on.
Recognize your toxic behaviors.
If you are regularly attracting the wrong people, you need to be honest with yourself. There may be toxic behaviors on your end that you’re not dealing with that you also need to work on. While some of these behaviors may be clear, and on the surface, others can be incredibly difficult to recognize. When these behaviors aren’t easy to see, you should ask yourself if you’re perpetuating these same behaviors. This may be the reason you’re drawing these types of people in your life. These traits can be harmful and really sabotage your ability to love.
Take a look at your own values.
If you are always attracting the wrong people, it’s important that you look at your own value system. Ask yourself what you want from the people that are in your life. Now, it’s time to start figuring out if the people you are attracting have integrity and self-respect. Are they authentic in their relationships, or does it appear that they have something to hide? When we constantly have the wrong people in our space, they can really compromise our values. This is why we should be clear about what our values are and not waver. If you start compromising one thing, it’s easier to compromise the next. The more you do this, the unhappier you’ll be. If the people you’re dating and attracting aren’t positive, encouraging, and uplifting, it may be time to let them go.
Step out of your comfort zone.
If you are always attracting Mr. or Mrs. Wrong, you may need to start looking in new places. Step out of your comfort zone, and begin meeting people in places you may not have expected. They say that birds of a feather flock together. If you tend to attract a lot of people when you’re out drinking, but the people are all showing negative characteristics, you may want to try opening your mind to dating people in new places. Maybe there is someone you’ve overlooked in a church, volunteer organization, or group. Generally, these places have people that may share your ideals, who also tend to be motivated, positive, and uplifting.
If you’re always attracting the wrong kinds of people, you may be wondering what you’re doing wrong. You may ask yourself if you’re having bad luck or are simply bad at love. None of these are likely the case. Often, we’re just afraid to address our wounds and insecurities, which can leave us struggling with love. If you haven’t addressed issues that keep showing up, again and again, it’s time to fix this. You are fully deserving of partnership and love. Also, don’t be afraid to be vulnerable. You can’t really open yourself up to the right person if you’re not willing to be open yourself. When you meet someone new, be confident, honest, and open-minded. Few people aren’t attracted to realness, and this kind of honesty will help you attract the right kind of people in your life. Don’t give up on love.