Show You Care Through These 6 Acts l Making a Marriage Work

In 1982 a woman in California penned the words "practice random acts of kindness and senseless acts of beauty" on a paper napkin. Years later the slogan caught on after a college educator assigned his class to do a special project on performing random acts of kindness in their communities. It soon became a movement that spread throughout the U.S. and is celebrated annually and sometimes monthly to help random people. We wonder if she intended this for spouses as well. We tend to forget someone at home no matter what day it is. It happens to be our spouses, the one that we've lived with for years, and who is often taken for granted. People said that marriage is hard work. No, kidding, now we know. We actually became dismissive at the advice as things didn't seem tough in the beginning of a marriage and we thought love would carry us through. But this is a falsehood. You need so much more than love. You need to actually show that you care by being polite, responsive and taking the time to invest in the relationship daily. Show your spouse how much you care through these simple 6 acts of kindness.

Being Nice

Shutterstock.com

Being nice sounds like it should be done consistently every day, but we rarely think about being nice to our family, since they should know, right? How often do we acknowledge them when they come home after work and interact with them because we're running around the house chasing a toddler down with a dirty nappy. Psychologist John Gottman said it doesn't have to be dramatic all you need is “A smile, a head nod, even just grunting to show you're listening to your partner—those are all positive.” This can be easily done today. If you catch yourself in a bad mood, don't take it out on your spouse. Smile, use a soft voice tone and ask them how their day was. Let them see how nice you can be. All it takes is a little discipline and you can do it.

Appreciation

Pixabay.com

By showing appreciation you are making your marriage stronger. Researchers believe that showing gratitude is key in having a happier marriage. A study published in the Journal Personal Relationships found that appreciation and believing that your spouse values you will determine how you feel about your marriage. "We found that when couples are engaging in a negative conflict pattern like demand/withdrawal, expressions of gratitude and appreciation can counteract or buffer the negative effects of this type of interaction on marital stability," Study co-author Ted Futris said. They also found that the most significant element in making a marriage work was bestowing gratitude. When a couple is experiencing problems, gratitude in the relationship can help the union to become more durable and more joyful.

Compromising

Shutterstock.com

Thinking about your mate's needs during an argument is not easy, but it may help calm you down. If the fight is about moving into another neighborhood, compromise on finding a place where you both can be happy. Finding balance and having peace in the relationship is more important because strife is not going to implement a solution. Do not assume they know what you are feeling or thinking. The longer you wait to share your feelings in a mature way, the more difficult it will become. Make a list of all the pros and cons and discuss them in detail and then make a determination, but only when you're both at a place of peace. Resolve to show empathy and display appreciation if they agree with your stance or not.

Showing More Affection

Shutterstock.com

Get more affectionate by hugging and kissing your spouse. Massage their shoulders or back. Did you know that these acts of physical affection can act as a tranquilizer? The act of touching increases oxytocin levels. It also releases your happy hormones (endorphins). "If we happen to be connecting with someone we care about, it produces a sense of well-being and a kind of full-bodied pleasure," Joy Davidson, Ph.D., shared with WebMD. It can reduce blood pressure, can help reduce headaches and overall pain. Kissing emphasizes the experience of living in the moment and a making out session could help you to become a calmer person. Affection is great all-around for sure. Think about becoming more physical and yes, do this daily for the relationship and for your health.

Be More Affirming

Shutterstock.com

We always offer compliments to other people, but not to our loved ones who need it the most since they live with us. Tell them that you are proud of them for rising above a poor work environment, for their accomplishments on being a good provider and being a rock star parent. Our spouses are more responsive when they receive genuine compliments and it will help with your overall interaction with each other. People who focus on the negative miss out on all the good things that their partner does, so complementing them doesn't seem logical. If the spark has left the relationship, a compliment could be helpful as everyone wants to feel wanted. When this happens, you will have a happier spouse a better sex life.

Start Paying Attention

Shutterstock.com

Paying attention is not a cherished theme, as most of the time, people have their heads bowed either texting, playing games or just looking information up on their phones. This is super annoying and rude when a person is venting about a rough day and you don't make any eye contact or you go right back to the phone after a pause. "If we consistently turn away, then over time the foundation of the marriage can slowly erode, even in the absence of overt conflict," said Harry Reis, a professor of psychology at the University of Rochester. Why allow something as minor as not listening hurt your marriage? Stop what you're doing and start paying attention to your partner rather than looking at your phone or the television. It takes practice, but like with any new healthy habit that is being developed, it's worth it.