Why Do Good Marriages Go Bad?

Our Priorities Get Out of Whack

Most of us can manage to make our partner our primary focus when the relationship is still young or before major distractions from career, children, and others gradually divert our time and energy from our spouse. Many of us make parenting the number one object of our attention once kids enter the picture. While this may seem like what is in the best interest of the children, you may eventually find that your marriage needs to maintain top billing, even after kids. Some of us have a hard time believing or accepting this, but the fact is that children benefit from the strength of a loving, solid relationship.

Additionally, parents are able to continue to perform their best as a mom and dad when they are able to first nurture the marital bond. Do not deny the importance of continuing to date your spouse long after marriage! It is essential to make quality time for one another and to continue to feel connected in the middle of everything else life throws our way.

We Grow Apart Instead of Together

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Every relationship has its ups and downs, and it can be especially trying to stay on the same page and interested in the same things after many years pass. All of us develop new interests over a lifetime, and while it’s important to still have individual interests and time to ourselves to retain our personal identities, it is critical to the survival of a marriage for a couple to enjoy shared activities and one another’s company.

Maybe, as a couple, you and your spouse enjoyed more athletic or vigorous activities when you were younger or first got together, but now are no longer interested in those things. Instead of just giving up on the things you used to do and falling into a rut, it’s important to keep developing new things to do together. Similarly, as we mature, our views and preferences about everything can evolve. A happy couple doesn’t have to share all of the same beliefs or interests as long as they can happily coexist and maintain a strong sense of compatibility.

We Lose Our Respect for the Marriage and Each Other

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When the glimmer of first love begins to wear off, we may begin to take our partner for granted and not do the things we should such as continuing to show appreciation, apologizing when we’re wrong, or showing our spouse the same courtesies we might show a stranger.

How many times have you found yourself giving a short or rude reply to your spouse, made unfair demands, lied, been stingy with attention or affection, and so on just because he or she is “yours” or because you felt you could get away with it?

Understand that every time we don’t hold our loved ones in the esteem they deserve, show them disrespect, or fail to make them feel loved and wanted, it chips away at the marriage. Discontent is a breeding ground for infidelity, conflict, resentment, and so many other relationship killers. Instead, the marriage needs to be protected and coddled like a precious and fragile treasure and not allowed to become commonplace or routine.

We Let Life Events Take Their Toll

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Many years bring many opportunities for disappointments, failures, illness, financial problems, and more. We can either be beaten down by life and allow it to color our perspective on each other, or we can grab our partner by the hand and face these trials together! A sense of humor and optimism go a long way, and a battle is much easier to fight with someone by our side. We will all make mistakes, so when these occur, we have to be willing to forgive our partner and ourselves.

Hanging onto accumulated blame, frustration, and keeping score contributes to bitterness and can put a serious damper on the relationship. Be prepared for the fact that your marriage will be tested and each of you will be pulled at by a million daily challenges. Take advantage of the fact that you are part of a partnership and lean on each other for strength.

We Give Away Pieces of Ourselves

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As already discussed, marriage requires us to make it a top priority and continue to respect one another. When those factors are already out-of-place, we fall easy prey to giving away precious pieces of ourselves to others and any number of distractions instead of the one we took in marriage. Does a co-worker, friend, or someone else we see in our daily routines get the best we have to offer instead of your spouse?

If someone else is the recipient of your best efforts of patience, time, attention, laughter at their jokes, attempts to look our best, and so on, then we shortchange our relationship. Maybe the vice is TV, texting, social media, a hobby, an addiction, or another person? Be a willing recipient of the best your partner has to offer so that they don’t look for other outlets, and save the best of yourself for them in return.