All relationships have problems. Communication problems, money problems, or just the average disagreement can make life stink in a marriage. A major problem for many is anger. Dealing with an angry husband can be akin to navigating a field mine. You try to watch where you step without triggering anger and then there is an explosion. Sometimes the smallest outburst can trigger a blow up. But be honest with yourself. Is the anger directed at you, or towards something else like work or taxes? If you are the target and they never want to bury the hatchet, what could be driving them is a desire to control everything. Their anger may only be acting as a shield when they feel threatened and it is triggering a unresolved issue in their lives. This could stem from abandonment issues or a fear of rejection. Sometimes the angry person is looking for a fight and wants to play the victim. No matter what the reasons are, anger can be devastating. It causes division in business and can divide a nation! This might not be that serious right now, but allowing anger in a home to continue is detrimental. No matter where you are in the relationship, here are suggestions to help deal with an angry husband.
Don’t be afraid.
They may be in denial, but do not be afraid of the weapon of anger. We have to change our mentality and to not allow the fear of angry control the situation. Once you change the way you think of anger, it can be dismantled. You need to fight the fear of being afraid to deal with your husband and his explosive temper. This not only will hold them as prisoner, but will keep you from facing the problem.
Share with them that anger causes discord and breeds havoc in a relationship. Admit that you are not perfect and apologize if you caused any of the anger they are feeling. Being honest with yourself and with your husband will help them from being on guard. Just say you had a role in it. Take ownership of your involvement and show humility for making a mistake. Paired Life noted that “if you didn't contribute to his anger, then your priority shifts to showing him where he misunderstood you, but not now.” We never want to admit we did wrong, but it is not worth the uneasiness or the health of the marriage.
Explain your position calmly.
Nobody wants a hothead controlling the nuke button for any country; this is the reason many military leaders are vetted to see if they can handle pressure with calmness. The same holds true in relationships. The best ways of dealing with someone who is angry is to not react in anger. De-escalate the situation and the person by not contributing to the drama. “You win by disengaging. You become untouchable and gain control by increasing emotional and physical space,” Psych Central shared. When you feel that the situation is getting violent and out of control leave.
Define your boundaries. If name-calling is problem for you, warn them to stop and that it will not be tolerated. Setting boundaries will tell your hubby to back off. Dr. Henry Cloud is a relationship expert. He explained that we should not treat boundaries callously. “To have good boundaries is to be separate enough from the other person that you can allow [him or her] to have their own experience without reacting with your own. Such a clear stance of separateness allows you not to react, but to care and empathize.” He needs to know what you will not tolerate. Think of it this way. When you buy a home you need to know the boundaries of the property so you can determine what happens on your lot of land. The same is true in our relationships and how you allow someone to treat and speak to you.
Don’t try to control the anger.
You can’t try to control anyone’s anger and can’t change people, unless they want to change. You can control the way you react to them. Anger triggers a response in the body that prepares the body for survival. With this, you can’t reason with a person when they are in this mode. To make it worse, this fight or flight response when it hits 100 percent will last 20 minutes before the "cortex sends a signal to your limbic system to dampen the fight and flight response allowing you to develop well throughout survival strategies," Psychology Today reported. When you look at it this way, you will not dare to dance with anger, and can walk away. By then your spouse should be more rational.
Change the subject and laugh.
Your hubby is probably stressed. Try to change the subject and turn the conversation into a laugh. You might share something that happened that was funny or tell a joke. Maybe you can bring a memory up that can make you both smile. Inviting more humor into the relationship can calm all parties and laughter is the best medicine to ease tensions.
It is hard to be loving when someone is full of anger. However, we are all fallible. Show compassion towards him and he might return the same to you. Love and forgiveness can heal wounds and it makes for a better marriage. If you focus on this and not the anger all the time, you might see more sustainability.
Any kind of discourse makes us feel upset. Anger is just one of those emotions that can be tricky to navigate. If we are honest, set boundaries and communicate better we usually can get to the root of the problem. If you can’t solve the problem, seek advice from a trained therapist to help you deal with anger in the relationship and from your husband. Another thing is to not give up. It takes time and a lot of work for a marriage to flourish.