The Lies We Believe About Marriage l Misconceptions About Marriage

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Marriage is not all you thought it would be or heard about when you were growing up. We go into marriage thinking we have it all figured out and then you land on your backside! You discovered that you have been grossly deceived by the media, yourself and by those romantic movie comedies. Going into any relationship there are a lot of preconceived ideas. Maybe you are one of the special ones who have figured it all out ahead of time (sense the sarcasm here?). For those who have unearthed the misconceptions in your marriage this one is for you. As much as we don’t want to admit it we believe that being married is a honeymoon every day, you can change the person and sex is irrelevant. Marriage can be very unpredictable and we sometimes need a helmet. However, we need to take ownership of our own behaviors. You can do something about the misconceptions before it becomes a problem. Here are 5 lies we often believe about marriage.

You Believe You Change Them

Many times people believe is that once we snag our spouses that we have all the time in the world to mold them into what we want! Here is a surprise and there are therapists who will tell you to not believe this fib. Therapist Chelli Pumphrey spoke with the Huffington Post on this matter. Basically it is ridiculous to believe this and you will fail. “You can change, [and this] will help you avoid power struggles and blame and progress forward more effectively.” You can only change yourself and your own perceptions. You can’t change your spouse. Many people have created more of a mess trying to do so and it causes resentment for both parties. Do yourself a favor and realize the person you met is the same person you married.

You Believe the Excitement will Last

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When we finally settle into a routine you may find that the excitement is gone. This is fine to a certain extent and totally normal. The whirlwind of the courtship and the wedding finally wind down and then it is back to business. We believe that this intoxicating feeling of bliss will last forever, but as soon as you adjust to living with another person, you may discover they have a flaw or 2! All couples go through this stage of monotony. Once you accept that is not a celebration on a daily basis, you can move on. This does not mean that there is no spark. It means that the responsibilities of a partnership will become more of a priority like paying bills and running a household.

We Believe Our Happiness is More Important

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We are taught that our own happiness is the nucleus of our existence. When we take that into a relationship it causes problems. We are selfish and once we enter a marriage, it becomes a litmus test. When we believe that our own joy is more important than your spouse’s feelings, we hurt ourselves in the end. It is no longer just you in the equation and your happiness needs to take a backseat. This does not mean allowing yourself to be abused, this simply means that you need to compromise and make sacrifices. Our own happiness may have been the focus for years so making the appropriate changes to your marriage will take time.