Every marriage is different. As such, how partners show up for each other can look different from couple to couple. Part of these differences comes down to their love language.

There are 5 unique types of love languages: Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Receiving Gifts, Quality Time, and Physical Touch.

Knowing and understanding one's own love language, as well as that of a spouse, is a useful tool for expressing and receiving love in a marriage. This article examines how these languages work in real life and how they may apply to Christian couples.

Words of Affirmation

For a Words of Affirmation partner, a "thank you" or an "I appreciate you" isn't a nicety—it's lifeblood. This language of love not only needs to hear validation, but it also needs to be specific and sincere.

For example, consider a homemaker and mother of two whose love language falls in this category. She puts forth an exhausting level of energy on daily tasks. How does she need her spouse to show love and appreciation?

Instead of offering a generic compliment, she needs her partner to pause and validate something specific, for instance, "The way you handled our kid's tantrum today was incredible. You're so patient, and I truly do admire you."

Chances are, she has thought about that tantrum since leaving Aisle 14 at Walmart and wondered if their child will somehow need therapy because she stood her ground and didn't buy the toy, candy, or whatever was requested. Speaking from personal experience, she may have felt all the eyes in the store staring and judging her as a mom at that moment.

This love language is an intentional practice of looking at the good and saying it out loud. For Christian couples, it also supports their shared faith.

Acts of Service

In a Christian marriage, Acts of Service aren't about getting points; they're about seeing that someone needs something and responding with love.

Consider this example: After coming back home from a long, exhausting day at work, one spouse finds the other already in the kitchen preparing dinner, and not only that, but also having started a load of laundry. This is a physical expression of love.

It says, "I see you're exhausted, and I'd like to take care of you."

This is an action-oriented love language based on a genuine desire to work for the other person. These acts work toward the goal of building a relationship in which both partners are committed to making each other's lives easier.

Gift Giving

Don't mix this up with materialism. A gift is not necessarily something bought. This one can be complicated. It's not necessarily a big purchase or even a practical one.

We've all seen sitcoms that explore this. A well-meaning husband probably bought a refrigerator, a blender, or a vacuum. That's a big hit-or-miss situation.

But why? Well, the fridge or vacuum, while practical, isn't particularly thoughtful.

Gifts don't have to be elaborate; they can be as simple as picking a wildflower or a book written by a favorite author.

This love language is an act of intentionality that says, "You're important to me, and I want you to be aware of it in something tangible that symbolizes my love."

Quality Time

With calendars packed more now than ever, it's a luxury to have uninterrupted time together. But to a partner for whom quality time is the foremost love language, it's not an option—it's an invaluable component to the relationship. It's about being present, not absent.

This one is important to consider after having kids. It's easy to get lost in the day-to-day chores and work. When the kids are in school, there's homework, sports, extracurriculars, bathtime, and bedtime to consider.

For couples who practice this love language, scheduling time without TV, phones, and other distractions is key. Let this be a time for conversation. Talk about the day or steal quiet moments together and hold hands.

Notably, this isn't date night. It's time to reconnect. It's an act of emotional integrity that holds space to listen to each other and be together.

Physical Touch

Physical Touch is a language that shows love through comfort, security, and bonding. This comes with physical touch. It's not necessarily sex. Often, it's something as ordinary as a hand on the small of the back, a hug, or taking a walk while holding hands. Maybe it's cuddling on the couch.

Consider an example: A husband had a terrible day at work. Maybe there was a meeting that could have been an email, and he didn't accomplish his to-do list. Perhaps his boss is breathing down his neck while deadlines loom over his head.

His love language is physical touch, and he comes home feeling beaten. For this situation, cuddling on the couch is what he needs.

Hugs, kisses, holding hands, and back rubs, for instance, send the message, "I am here for you."

Long-Term Benefits

Learning the 5 love languages, identifying one's own and one's spouse's, and practicing using them in a Christian marriage offers the opportunity to love and support a partner in the way they need while also allowing both individuals to grow as people and in their faith.

Not only that, but couples get to practice offering and accepting grace and emotional honesty with their favorite person on the planet.

Over time, they reap the benefits of what they've sewn by enriching their marriage and their faith.