The 4 Types of Rejection You Can Feel From Your Spouse

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No marriage is going to be rainbows and butterflies 100 percent of the time. Relationships are messy and sometimes communication breaks down. You aren’t always going to be on the same page as your significant other. At some point, you have likely experienced some form of rejection in your marriage. There are a lot of different ways you can feel rejected, including both physically and emotionally.

Rejection is a part of life, but how your spouse chooses to reject you can say a lot about your marriage. Does your spouse ignore you completely, or offer compromises? How they say “no”, and how you choose to respond to it, can determine if the relationship is healthy or falling off the rocks.

Exactly how are you supposed to handle it when you are rejected by the one you love? Here are some of the most common types of rejection along with some advice on how to cope with the feeling of being passed over.

Unspoken Rejection

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When you pour your heart and soul into your marriage, it can be completely heartbreaking when your spouse rejects you through ignoring you. Being ignored can hurt just as much as an outright “no” because it makes you feel so bad about yourself. It makes you feel like your spouse doesn’t want to be around you, which can make you angry and upset. For those with low self-esteem, the rejection can set you back even further and be incredibly hard to overcome. This type of rejection is never acceptable in a marriage and you and your spouse should have some serious conversations if this is a regular occurrence. It will breakdown your marriage if it’s not properly addressed.

Uncaring Rejection

This type of rejecting is the hardest – it’s when your spouse flat-out tells you "no". This can come off as incredibly rude and uncaring, which is the opposite of how you want to make your spouse feel. While it’s better than being completely ignored because you do get a response, that doesn’t mean it doesn’t sting. The best way to come back from a flat-out rejection is to take a step back from your emotions and logically assess the situation. Why do you think your spouse is acting so angry? Is something else going on in the relationship you both need to discuss? It’s important to try and not create a screaming match immediately after this cold rejection. Instead, gather your composure before you try and discuss why this hurt you.

Compromising Rejection

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Sometimes when your spouse rejects you, they offer up a compromise in hopes of softening the blow. This type of rejection is the easiest to handle, because it gives you an opportunity to try again in the future. It reminds you that your spouse isn’t doing so without care of love, but instead has a specific reason as to why they are saying no (that most likely has nothing to do with you). How you choose to react to this type of rejection will determine how things progress. If you choose to still get angry, it might leave your spouse feeling that you aren’t respecting their feelings or are listening to why they are rejecting you. If you choose to accept the proposed comprise and discuss it civilly, you and your spouse will have room for growth.

Polite Rejection

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Even when a rejection is worded in a nice way, it can really throw you off your game. Being denied, no matter how kind your spouse was about it, still makes you take a step back and think. It hurts! This goes beyond rejection from your spouse as well. A study done by the University of Michigan Medical School proved that the brain tries to comfort social rejection in the same way it deals with physical injury. However, one thing they noted is that the more you learn to get kindly worded rejection, the easier it becomes to handle the pain of it. Eventually, the more you put yourself out there with your spouse the more comfortable you will get with rejection, until it doesn’t affect you as negatively. Of course, this is only if your spouse does so in a gentle, loving manner.