Social media impacts our relationships. Social media networks have made it so that our relationships not only have to be kept up in real time, but online as well. Many spouses do follow each other. For some, it’s a non-factor in a relationship, but for others it’s a major source of contention. Some marriages have ended due to inappropriate social media behaviors. We’ve all heard stories of spouses who chose to seek attention from others on numerous sites and apps. The truth is, it’s not that social media is the cause of these indiscretions, but it is most certainly a tool that has made it easier for those who choose to step out.
While connecting on social media may seem like an easy way to get an endless supply of information, too much information can be detrimental your relationship. While you probably read the title and think it’s absurd not to be friends with your significant other on facebook, there may be more to this notion than you think. Before you rush to check your partner’s facebook news feed or dismiss the thought all together, there are reasons not to be facebook friends with your significant other. In fact, not being friends with them could strengthen your relationship.
Couples who delete each other on Facebook are more likely to stay together according to relationship expert Ian Kerner. The New York-based therapist claims that unfriending your significant other on social media can put the spark back into a relationship. He also recommends that people delete their facebook accounts entirely to free up more time to spend with their partners. In an interview with PRI, Kerner cited technology and compatibility as the main subjects that keep cropping up in couple’s therapy. He says the use of mobile phones means couples are spending less time talking to each other face-to-face. This causes a lot of arguments and a lot of miscommunication.
There are challenges that will arise in your relationship because of facebook and other social media accounts. When you’re on facebook, you are fed a lot of information. Sometimes, you don’t want all of that extra information. What happened to mystery and unpredictability? Even when you’re married, a little mystery can be a good thing. This isn’t the kind of mystery that prompts partners to cheat, but the kind of mystery that prompts you to learn more about the person you’re with, even after 10 plus years of marriage. Having a digital detox, even if it’s for a short period of time – can benefit all couples. Doing this can add mystery back into a relationship and also give couples a chance to sit down and talk face-to-face, instead of trying to discover their partner through an online profile.
A lot of times, the issue is less about technology and more about healthy communication and boundaries in the relationship. While some couples are fine sharing a lot on social media; some aren’t. In most cases, there may be a mismatch. If you’re going to be friends on facebook with your significant other, imitate the happy couples. Say what you feel, keeping the comments gentle and directed towards what you need in the present moment; avoid expressing how the other person has failed you or let you down.
One big reason that some couples choose not to be friends with their significant others on facebook isn’t because they’re in a miserable or secretive marriage where they have a lot to hide. The real reason is simple – they don’t friend each other because they have nothing to prove. This isn’t calling out couples who share funny and cute links on each other’s page’s from time to time. This is about couples who oversaturate social media with their love, from daily PDA pictures to constant commenting on each other’s statuses. We all know these people. Anytime you see this type of dynamic playing out on social media, don’t you get suspicious? You wonder, how happy is a person if it’s necessary for them to have their happiness constantly reaffirmed in a public space?
If we have the ability to communicate privately in so many different ways with our partners, why do we feel we need to go the most public route when talking about our feelings and concerns in our relationships? We shouldn’t be saving the most intimate words like “I love you” and “I’m so happy to be with you” for facebook. More often than not, couples who do this aren’t as committed or ecstatic as they appear to be. These posts scream “insecure relationship.” What oversharing translates to is the notion that showing off your relationship more than you love the person you’re with. While a relationship touted around on social media may appear committed on the surface, it often rings hollow and desperate for approval.
How do you use social media with your partner? Do you have strict rules or do you just let it flow? Determining you and your partner’s social media rules is, of course, all subjective to your relationship. It is each individual’s choice to either use social media with good or bad intentions. No matter what, for a relationship. It is each individual’s choice to either use social media with good or bad intentions. No matter what, for a relationship to be successful in spite of social media, there must be a strong level of respect. Without respect in a relationship, nothing works.
