You’ve been in a relationship for a while, and you’re starting to wonder, “Are we ready to get married?” Some people think they’ll be ready when they’re at a specific life stage or age. Others feel that you “know when you know.” However, when determining if you’re ready to get married or not, think about the “Three C’s” to take your relationship through, which can help you answer this question while keeping the focus on Christ.
Chemistry is vital in a relationship, but it might not be what you think it is. For example, some people believe chemistry refers to physical attraction, which is part of it, but it’s a small part. The world glorifies physical attraction above anything else, with most movies showing people falling in love because they’re physically attracted to each other. However, the problem with building a relationship on physical chemistry is the relationship falters when the physical attraction changes and you fall out of love.
The truth is that marriage will bring times when you’re over the moon attracted to your spouse, but there will be times when you feel detached and annoyed. You’ll wake up one day and recognize that they’re human with numerous faults. If you’re only with them because of their looks, your relationship will deteriorate when physical attraction leaves.
As a response, many churches overreact and discard the value of attraction altogether. However, you should feel attracted to someone, even in marriage, but that shouldn’t be the only thing that brings you together. You should ask if you have chemistry with them as a person, not just their physical looks. The only way you’ll know if you have chemistry with them as a person is to ask yourself do you like being with them? Do you laugh and have fun together? Are you attracted to their personality? All of these questions fall under the category of chemistry.
You’ll notice that the more you understand someone’s personality, the more attractive or unattractive they become to you. In marriage, chemistry is more impactful than immediate physical attraction. The goal is to marry your best friend, someone you can be yourself around. It would also be helpful to date someone in different seasons of their life. That way, you’ll see who they are at their core. If you still have chemistry after the physical attraction has died, you may be ready to marry this person.
A mature person understands that physical attraction may come and go, but the key is to refuel the flame by connecting again. If you’ve been through seasons together and fought for your chemistry, that’s a good sign that you’ll still do things together to refuel the love flame in the future.
Another essential question to ask before marrying someone is if the two of you have compatible callings in life. For example, do you feel called to be a parent, but your partner doesn’t want children? Is God calling you to serve in the military, but your partner doesn’t want you away for months at a time? These big questions are crucial to know about someone before marrying them.
If you’re unsure if your callings are compatible, bring your community into the conversation and ask them if they see compatible callings. Ask your mentors, pastors, and friends if they could see you marrying this person or if they feel your callings line up. It’s a difficult question to ask, but it’s better to find out if your circle thinks this marriage will work before you start.
Perhaps the biggest question of calling is their faith in Christ. If you’re a Christian and they aren’t and aren’t willing to become one, it may not be a good idea to move forward with the marriage. In 2 Corinthians 6:14, while discussing marriage, the apostle Paul said the believers shouldn’t be equally yoked with unbelievers.
In marriage, you become one with your spouse, so ensure they follow Christ. He can’t be something about you that you’re willing to negotiate, but He should be the foundation of your relationship. If you have compatible or similar callings in life and can support each other’s calling, that’s a sign that you can move forward in marriage.
The last “C” of the “Three C’s” is character. Does your potential spouse have character? Do they have the behavior of someone you want to have children with? You can’t date or marry someone for who you’ll think they’ll be one day, but you should marry them for the character they’re presently showing. If your potential spouse never changes, would you still marry them? This question is challenging but necessary.
Character is someone’s attributes that make them up, not only personality-wise or physically, but also morally and ethically. This idea is why dating someone for a few seasons before getting married is essential. Anyone can act a certain way for some time, but true colors come out eventually. What is the character of the person you hope to marry? Do they have reliability with their finances? Can you trust them? Are they responsible and faithful by themselves or only when you’re around? Can they keep a job?
Can they display discipline in life? Do they have visions, dreams, and goals for life? Do they have a reputation of being a person of character? Once again, asking your community what they think about this person’s character may be best. Honesty with God’s community in your life is essential to a healthy marriage.
If you’ve found someone you have chemistry with, their calling works with yours, they love God more than they love you, and they’re a person of character and faith, this person is suitable for marriage. However, it would be best if you dated them for a season so their true colors can come out. Also, it would help to stay accountable to your God-given community to get their opinions. Still, if all of these items line up and you feel God telling you to marry this person, follow the Lord and your heart.