8 Ways Husbands Accidentally Hurt Their Wives' Feelings

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For all the husbands out there, your wife is the most important person in your life. Despite this, you may be hurting her feelings a lot more than you think.

As individual human beings, we can never communicate perfectly. We misunderstand one another, fail to listen, and are insensitive to clues that we have hurt one another.

Worst of all is when these communication failures translate into hurt feelings and begin to build up within the otherwise loving confines of a marital relationship—the most sacred of human bonds. Feelings get hurt, tensions flare, and after a few years of this, relationships can crumble.

Fortunately for us, communication and tact are skills that can be learned—something that will most certainly improve your relationships in every area of life.

Husbands, keep your most important relationship—your marriages—going strong by learning how to spot these 8 behaviors that are causing you to accidentally hurt your wife’s feelings.

Micromanaging

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Do you go behind your wife when she changes the oil, checking and re-checking her work? When she folds the clothes, do you unfold and re-fold them because you didn’t feel they were properly handled? Do you find yourself undermining her efforts, re-doing what she’s already done, and simply not trusting her to properly complete everyday tasks?

You’re hurting her feelings.

A lot of husbands simply think that they’re helping—they feel know how to do something better, and so they re-do it. But what they don’t realize is that this speaks of distrust, and what’s more, these behaviors tell wives, “You’re not smart enough, not capable or strong or able enough.”

That hurts. So, rather than going behind your wife and fixing things, trust her to get the job done. If there’s a real safety issue, address it, but otherwise, kindly talk things out if something your wife does bothers you. She loves you—she will care about your feelings.

Show your wife you trust her, and you’ll eliminate this potentially hurtful behavior.

Tactless Jokes

Jokes are meant to make us laugh. But sometimes, they hurt us, too.

Tact, defined, is simply sensitivity in dealing with others concerning difficult issues. And it is essential to the health of any relationship, especially to the one that is supposed to be safest of all—your marriage.

Safe is the key word here. One of the biggest ways men tend to accidentally hurt their wives’ feelings is through casual joking that preys on the wife’s weaknesses—men, particularly, can be prone to tactless joking. This creates a hostile atmosphere that can feel emotionally unsafe.

If your wife is, say, sensitive about her height or weight, don’t joke about those attributes at her expense. Rather, build her up, and reassure her of how beautiful you find her. If she’s emotionally volatile or unexpressive, don’t make these things the butt of your jokes. It’s not worth the self-esteem damage you’ll inflict on your beloved spouse.

Keep jokes out of the arena of personal attributes, and you’ll have a happier, healthier relationship with your wife.

Laziness

The opposite of micromanaging, laziness can be just as damaging and hurtful to your wife. You may not consider your post-work dive into the couch to be harmful to anyone outside of sock-smell range, but if you forego helping your wife with daily activities, her feelings are bound to be hurt.

Many men are brought up to believe that men go to work and women do the household chores, but this model no longer functions in a society where women often work as many hours as men. In this kind of marriage, household chores need to be divided.

Failing to fairly divide up chores can make your wife feel taken advantage of, or, even worse, like a servant. Don’t let the love of your life feel like your maid!

Engage your wife in conversation about what needs to be done around the house and in the yard. Fairly divide up responsibilities. Not only will this help you fairly divide the workload, but your wife will feel included when you take the time to speak with her about this.

So be sure to pick up a mop before you hit the couch. Your wife will feel so much more loved and valued for it.

Not Sharing Feelings

She wants to talk. You want to watch TV. She wants to share about her day. You want to delve into your hobby. She’s worried about something. You’re blissfully detached, and want to stay that way.

Sound familiar?

It shouldn’t. Because it’s hurting your wife’s feelings.

Men, be prepared to learn how to share your feelings. You don’t have to clam up just because you’re male—you’ll be far happier, in fact, if you do open up. Your wife wants to know you, to truly see you for who you are, to share in your dreams, hopes, and worries. She wants to be the person you can come to for anything.

This is what marriage is for! You can open up with your wife in ways that you cannot with anyone else—this is a gift that many men fail to take advantage of. Talk to your wife about what’s going on in your life. Find the freedom to share what’s within you.

Your wife will be so much happier.

Leaving Her Alone

You put in a long day at work, not getting off until after the sun goes down. Tired and stressed, you spend the next few hours with the guys, downing a few drinks and making small-talk. Finally, you get home around bedtime and crash in bed next to your wife, who is already asleep.

What you didn’t see that day was your wife arriving home from work, only to eat dinner alone. She engages in her favorite hobby for a while, again, alone. Finally, she gets in bed, thinking about you, missing you, and falls asleep by herself.

Does that tug at your heart strings? It should. It’s the reality for many women today.

Men, don’t accidentally hurt your wives’ feelings through neglect. You may think it’s harmless to “do your own thing,” but remember—you married one another for a reason. You love one another’s company. You cherish each other’s time. She loves you.

You don’t have to spend every waking moment together, but be aware how often your wife might be alone. Don’t wait. Give her the gift of you.

Trying to Change Her

Is your wife of the wrong political party? The wrong religion? Is she too talkative, too passionate, or too into her looks? Are you doing something about that?

If you are, you’re probably hurting her feelings.

There are issues that should be talked about within a marriage—spoken of in kindness and love, with the desire to improve the marriage being the driving force behind the conversation.

And then there are simple attempt to fundamentally change a spouse. Don’t do that. It hurts.

This is tantamount to saying, “You’re not good enough the way you are.” Many people do this without thought, so examine the way you treat your wife, the way you speak about her personality and hobbies and passions. Are you critical of things which are inherently “Her”?

If so, try to let these things go and accept your wife for exactly who she is in all her glory. This is who you chose to marry.

Love her for who she is.

Taking the Intimacy Out of Sex

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Sex can be a contentious topic. Within marriage, it seems, on the surface, that men desire it much more frequently than women. This imbalance is a source of endless frustration for many couples.

But if we look deeper, we find that the problem lies entirely elsewhere.

Many women don’t want mere sex from their husbands. They want intimacy. And that is something that many men could stand a lesson in, because the lack of it is a major source of hurt feelings.

Sexuality within marriage means more than just jumping in the sheets and concentrating on your own pleasures. Love your wife. Actually look at her. Tell her she’s beautiful. Cuddle with her. Make her feel like the only person in your world.

And that’s just the beginning. Ask your wife what she truly wants in regard to intimacy—everyone is different. And open up to your own desires—you’re not barred from wanting the same things just because you’re a man.

Put the intimacy back into sex, and your wife will feel like she’s there for more than just bringing you pleasure. She’ll feel like your wife, and the one you love.

Forgetting Special Days

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Another major way men can often unwittingly hurt their wives’ feelings is through forgetting the moments their wives hold dear. Nothing says “You’re not important” like missing a birthday or anniversary.

Men, take note of days like this. Even remembering small things like the day of your first day, or the day you first took your wife to a theme park or a favorite movie—these things can mean the world, and remembering them will make your wife feel special.

There’s no need to spend money on lavish gifts—a simple gesture, something like a handwritten card or even a verbal acknowledgement can suffice.

It’s incredibly important to let your wife know how special she is to you, and this is a great way to do it. On the other hand, this is also a source of hurt feelings and frustration when even big anniversaries are forgotten, or worse, simply not cared about at all.

So, for the husbands out there—remember the special days. It’s worth it for both of you, but by simply being aware of the milestones of your relationship with your wife, you’ll spare her a lot of heartache.