8 Things Couples Fight About That Destroy a Good Marriage

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Whether you’ve been married for a few months or you’ve been together for a few years, there will likely come a point when you argue more and you start questioning your relationship with your significant other. Questioning your love for the person you’re with is one of the first signs that you are considering ending the relationship. If you and your partner are at a point where you’re feeling like the relationship is too hard and it’s constantly draining you, this is an indicator that there are problems to come in your marriage. In a healthy marriage, both parties take responsibility for their actions and any issues surfacing, not coming up with constant reasons to throw in the towel. If there’s a problem, there should be a desire on both ends to do what’s necessary to make things better. If there is little to no concern, your marriage could be headed towards divorce. We’ve all been impacted by divorce – whether it’s personal, or impacting the relationships of close friends and family. The more couples argue and don’t confront the underlying causing of the issues, the more the problems will destroy the marriage. It’s important that these things are confronted before they become catastrophic to your marriage. Here are eight things couples fight about that destroy a good marriage.

Quality Time

Even though you’re with your partner because you like spending time with them, that time can end up being one of the biggest sources of conflict. Typically, in a relationship, one person wants to spend more time together than the other. You might argue if you feel like your partner is prioritizing alone time over spending time with you. Or you might get upset if your partner spends more time with their friends or in their work than with you. Sometimes the ways you spend your time together can cause fights too; one person may want to watch the football game while the other person wants to get outside and go walking. Or you might get upset that your partner is on their phone the entire time the two of you are hanging out together.

Concerns

This may seem like an easy question to answer, but it’s not always as simple as it seems. It’s best to ask yourself this question once the “honeymoon phase” is over. Love can be blind, but when it comes down to it, you need to be able to answer this question honestly. It may sound painfully obvious, but your tendency to quiet those relationship doubts may end up being a huge regret later on. So many times we look back on a bad relationship and only in hindsight can we really see the signs for what they really were. But if you really think about it, you knew the answer the whole time, you just wanted to ignore it for whatever reason. Instead, be more proactive about your marriage concerns and address them with your partner – or move on before you get hurt.

The Future

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If the thoughts about your relationship future begin to wane, this is a major sign your relationship has reached its expiration date. When you’re happy with the person you’re with, all you can do is imagine building with them. When you’re not happy with the person you’re with, all you think about is if the grass is greener on the other side. It can be intimidating to think about the future, but usually if you’re with the right person, it’s a topic you’re both eager to discuss. Healthy relationships involve people that are able to grow together. They support one another and encourage each other to enjoy themselves, knowing that at the end of the day their love is strong enough to last through it all. You shouldn’t feel like your partner is holding you back in any way.

Personal Needs

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We all have certain desires and expectations for how we expect to be treated by the people we care about and some of those desires and expectations are actual needs. In other words we can’t survive and thrive as individuals if those needs aren’t met. So if one or both of you is failing to have your most basic emotional needs addressed by the connection you share, then that’s a definite sign that your relationship may be in jeopardy. People with a strong emotional desire for connection in a relationship like to do many things with their partner, big and small. They prefer to share tasks and make decisions together. Someone with a greater need for autonomy may prefer to just get a simple task don alone, and together for more playful purposes If you find that you have opposing needs, you need to work on win-win solutions that allow both of you to get what you need. If you don’t deal with this, it can lead to resentment and/or passive aggressive compliance that later turns into secretive behaviors.

Romance

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Many couples fall into a routine the longer they’ve been together and romance once shared between partners’ wanes. If being with someone feels more like a comforting habit than being in love, your marriage is in trouble. More importantly, if the only reason you’re still with someone is because the act of breaking up with them is too daunting, then you’re dealing with an even bigger issue. It’s not fair to yourself, or your partner to not address these concerns. When romance begins to fade in the relationship, arguments will soon ensue . It can be difficult to reflect on the current state of your relationship, especially after years of being with someone, but it’s how you know you’re truly where you want to be.

Emotional Infidelity

Are you having an emotional affair? While this question may seem like it comes with a simple “yes” or “no” answer, for the millions of people out there who are involved in emotional affairs, the answer may not come as easy. When people hear the term “affair”, they often think “cheating, with sex” and forget about emotional affairs, one of the biggest threats to today’s marriages. Often times, people are in denial about having an emotional affair because those relationships start off as innocent friendships and involve no sex and because of that, they don’t consider it cheating at all. But they’re wrong. Once the other partner becomes aware of it, the emotional affair will cause constant arguments and begin to eat away at a marriage. These emotional relationships can be just as intense or more than sexual relationships, and the more you continue the affair, the deeper you go down the rabbit hole.

Respect

One of the most important aspects of a marriage is respect. Being with someone you respect and admire is key to being in a healthy relationship. You should be proud of the person you’re with and the way you two interact. If you’re making excuses for who they are or hiding parts of your relationship from friends, that’s not ok. You deserve to be respected and you deserve to be with someone who you can respect too. Knowing your self-worth is one of the greatest ways to ensure you’re being treated properly. If you have low expectations for yourself and don’t treat yourself with respect, chances are you won’t recognize when your partner is wrong and fights will begin to become commonplace. Be confident in what you desire, love who you are, and set an example of how you should be treated by treating yourself the same way.

Personal Happiness

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Your happiness is important in marriage, but when problem’s show up in the relationship, too often people will blame their partner as opposed to looking inward. Personal hang-ups and insecurities will show up in the forms of arguments and begin to tear your marriage apart. Ask yourself how your world will change when you split? Will you be happier with or without them? Before you break up with your partner, prepare for what’s next. Things will change. Your housing situation may get complicated. Your social life will change significantly, both in how you spend your time and who you spend your time with. Your daily routine will no longer be routine. While the fear of the change or the unknown shouldn’t stop you from leaving an unhealthy relationship, ending things before you’ve considered the first few steps pre-breakup can make a sad situation even more stressful and overwhelming. As you’re considering these consequences, ask yourself if ending the marriage is something you will ultimately regret? Too often, the answer is yes.