7 Ways to Support Your Spouse During Difficult Times

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We all experience moments when we throw our hands up in the air and mutter, “Why me!” or “Why do good things happen to good people!!!” Sometimes those moments evolve into weeks, maybe even months. Perhaps you are unemployed, battling an illness or caring for an ill relative. Whatever the reason, tough times are an intricate part of the for better or worse in our marriage vows. Everyone, yes everyone goes through tough times. When tough times come knocking on our door we want to feel loved, we want to feel safe and we want our feelings validated. But, most of all we do not want to be kicked when we are down. Tough times are when you show your overwhelmed partner that love is the greatest gift of all, and love is what will guide them through this rocky road.

Here are seven ways to offer your spouse love and support without appearing patronizing.

Be a source of strength.

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Your better half just had a rough day at the office. Maybe he or she was passed up for that big promotion after months of late nights and hard work. Do not say, “I know how you feel” because let’s face it you don’t. Do not say, “I feel so sorry for you and then start comparing your partner with the person who just got the promotion. Try smiling, hugging your better half and saying you love him, you have faith in him and you know he can get through this tough time. Saying sorry and comparing your partner to others might make him feel more upset and second guess himself. None of us want to be viewed as weak, especially by the person we love. Show your love and support to your better half and let him or her deal with their grief on their own terms.

Listen with an open heart, and do not criticize.

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Always strive to be a good listener and never pass judgment. There is a tremendous difference in someone who listens and someone who dominates the conversation with advice that comes off as highly critical. Be sure to ask open ended questions in a kind, loving, non judgmental way. When your better half is going through a tough time try to remember that he needs your encourage and support much more than your advice. If your significant other feels as if he or she is letting you down in any way, it will be difficult for him to remain open and be honest when communicating. Sometimes it is tough to deal with a loved one in pain; many of us get scared and start to criticize. Sometimes we tend to clam up acting distant and removed towards our partner because we are afraid of saying the wrong thing. These tough times are the times when our partners need us the most. Listen with an open mind and heart. Communicating with your significant other in difficult times is the lifeline keeping you connected as a team. When you stop communicating, you will drift apart rather than face challenges together. Always discuss everything, regardless of how uncomfortable it may be.

Don’t worry. Be happy.

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You are your significant other’s biggest cheerleader. When someone truly loves you they challenge you and stand beside you when you need them. They smile from ear to ear at the mention of your name and beam with pride while screaming your name from the rooftop, mountain tops and sidelines.

Always try to keep your sense of humor. Even on the hard days, find reasons to laugh together. If you can, try to cheer up your spouse. This can mean a multitude of things for different people. For some it’s as simple as a funny joke, remembering the good times, watching a funny movie or time with good friends. Happiness is a gift that can never be stolen by illness, work problems or any other struggle life throws into your path. Laughing will not cure the problem, but it sure will make your spouse feel better even if it’s only a moment.

Find a source of inspiration.

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Tough times make tough people, and tough people find their strength in God. Every religious person, regardless of their faith is will say that “faith” is what got them through difficult times. Faith is the beacon of light calling them to shore during the darkest moments. Remind your spouse that you love him, and you will be there for him even during the tough times. Surround yourself and your marriage with the right people. You need supportive friends who love you, love your spouse, respect and believe in marriage. Your support system is your lifeline during tough times. Hardships give you an opportunity as a couple to grow and learn. They deepen our understanding of ourselves, our spouse and our marriage. Always have faith. Remember that God is always with you and He is bigger than any issues you may face.

Do not make this about yourself.

Do not complain about how your better half’s tough time makes you feel. Do not complain how your significant other is in a rut. A marriage is a sacred covenant; try not to air your dirty laundry. Be respectful and mindful if you find yourself venting. Because this is your significant other you will be affected as well, but try to remember they are closer to the problem and you are not the person who should be venting or blowing off steam. Making the problem about yourself and complaining will only push your significant other way during this difficult time. Instead, offer them support. Love them. Be kind to them. Raise them up. If you are becoming overwhelmed let someone else support you but it is vital to respect your significant other’s privacy and your marriage.

Don’t make them ask for help.

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Does your better half need your help, unconditional love and support? They absolutely do! Do they want to ask? No way, absolutely not. Most people would rather tough it out and wait than beg for help. For many of us, there is nothing more humbling than having to admit that you do not have everything under control and you do in fact need help or advice. Rather than get to that point, offer your help and continue offering your help. Cook dinner, take out the garbage, bring home flowers or just leave a post it on the mirror in the bathroom that says, “I love you” or “I believe in you.” It’s the little things that sometimes mean a lot. Bring everything you do back to love. Love is an extremely powerful thing when you are going through a tough time. When someone is dealing with a difficult time, love is the greatest gift of all.

Don’t rush them through their pain.

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Saying things like, “I know how you feel” or comparing someone’s tough time to your friend’s aunt’s boyfriend’s struggle and how he made it through is not helpful, it’s frustrating and downright annoying. No one likes a know it all, especially when you are navigating tough waters. Sure, you have good intentions but this tends to minimize their issues and will eventually have your better half stifling his pain and closing you out.

Let your better half know that the pain he is feeling is real and he can move through it with you by his side. Tough times can sometimes get messy, but if you try to push someone through it they might not heal the correct way. Sit with them, listen to them, and be honest when times get tough. Let your significant other be angry, sad and cry when needed. Let your significant other be whatever he needs to be, and resist the urge to fix or heal him. Just be with your significant other.

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Dealing with stressful and difficult times are never easy, but it’s a tremendous part of life. Even if your better half is the rock in your relationship there will be moments when he needs you, and you become the one who must give alittle more love and support. The power of your actions and words cannot be underestimated. Letting your significant other know that you are there for them, and you will listen to their feelings, dry their tears, and travel to the moon and back will show them that your love is worth more than it’s weight in gold. Being a non judgmental, caring presence in your significant other’s life can significantly impact on how they feel and cope.

The bottom line? Love your significant other selflessly and support them unconditionally. Life can be messy, but with unconditional love we can help our partner survive even the darkest times.