7 Ways Couples Harm Their Marriage Without Knowing It

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Every marriage experiences problems, no matter how long you’ve been together. Marital problems can be extremely intense and painful, and those hurts can cut deeply and last a long time. Of course you want the happiest marriage possible, but the little things you do – some of which you don’t notice – may be damaging your relationship. In fact, you may intentionally opt for some of these actions because you believe they’re helpful, even though the opposite is true. There are so many things that can harm your marriage and you need to be aware of them. Even though every marriage has its ups and downs, successful couples learn how to manage the bumps and keep their love life going. Knowing the things that could be harming your marriage will allow you to better your marriage. Here are seven ways couples harm their marriage without knowing it.

Having Unrealistic Expectations

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Having unrealistic expectations in your marriage is a relationship killer. Expecting your partner to instinctively know how you’re feeling, think like you do or dramatically change after you walk down the aisle is not only unrealistic, but also unfair. Seeking fulfillment from one person and projecting your happiness onto them when they don’t measure up will quickly destroy your marriage. You can’t hold your partner responsible for your emotional well-being. If you feel unhappy, it’s time to examine reality. You will be happier if you shape your expectations to fit the reality of your situation. Rather than look to one person to fulfill your every need, try expanding your circle of influence to include a variety of people who fill your life with different blessings. Next, look inward. Find ways to feel complete and happy with who you are as a person.

Critical Statements, Gestures and Facial Expressions

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This is a quick and easy way to show your significant other that you don’t respect them or their opinions. When you use sarcasm, or make critical statements, gestures and facial expressions towards your partner, they will shut down and withdraw. Eventually, they may seek kindness and approval somewhere else. Think of how disrespected you felt the first time someone rolled their eyes or made a sarcastic facial expression at you. Remember, how frustrated you were when they made those gestures? Now, think about your significant other feeling that same frustration towards you. There is no need to be rude, even if you’re really upset or think they deserve to feel how ticked off you are in the moment. It is more important to give your partner your attention by listening to them than it is to roll your eyes and shake your head in irritation. You are trying to build a bond in your marriage, not destroy the person you love.

Harmful Friends

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When two people decide to get married, a change occurs in their lives, hopefully for the better. But if two people are not willing to place their partner/family above others, it can lead to devastating consequences, regardless of how wonderful the union began. Friends will always remain a vital part of your life; however, friends are the people who have the greatest capability of destroying a marriage. Because friends have such a close bond, it can be hard for them to let married friends spend most of their time with their spouses. The challenge comes when friendship interferes with the marriage. Instead of encouraging your marriage, these friends will discourage it. In these situations, a choice must be made.

Technology

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Are you married to your cell phone? Even with the most devoted couples, it seems that once-common conversations in bed have been replaced with endless scrolling through social media apps and sites. Smartphones can be the culprit of communication breakdown among couples. Intimacy is hard to achieve or maintain when your phone keeps being with alerts, notifications and email reminders. A constant, merciless distraction, technology has come to replace deep-felt, long conversations. In fact, some couples talk more about their relationships on Facebook than they do face-to-face with the person they’re actually married to. When you’re with your spouse, do your best to cut down on the distractions.

Flirting

A little flirting never hurt anybody, right? Wrong. Flirting is fine when you’re single, but it’s not ok when you’re married. Flirting is breaking a boundary within a committed relationship. In a marriage, we agree to give certain parts of ourselves to our partner. When we’re flirting, we’re giving attention and sexual interest that only our partner should get – we’re giving it to somebody else. Flirting with someone when you’re in a marriage is unloving and disrespectful to your partner. And if you think what they don’t know won’t hurt them, you’re headed for a world of trouble. You’re only creating a web of lies and deceit that will eventually come to the surface and harm your marriage in the long run.

Excessively Saying "You Always" or "You Never"

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No one always or never does anything. These phrases will make your partner defensive and closed off from your message, which is a really bad thing because you are likely using one of these phrases when you have something important to say. Your significant other doesn’t see themselves as one-dimensional, so you shouldn’t attempt to define them that way. Instead, simply point out what the other person did that’s a problem for you. Stick to the facts. If the issue is showing up a lot, you can always say, “It seems like you do this often,” or “You do this often enough for me to notice.” Don’t start a conversation off by accusing your partner. Give them the opportunity to speak on the issue.