7 Terrible Reasons to Get Married

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The day you get married should be one of the happiest days of your life. It should involve friends who wish you and your spouse well. Both you and your spouses’ families should be there, crying with happiness that the two of you found one another and decided to make your love eternal. Most people imagine the bride in a white dress with a sheer veil and a bouquet of flowers in her hand. The groom is normally pictured as standing tall and proud in a tuxedo beside the alter. The ceremony and reception are something out of a fairy tale that ends with the words “happily ever after.” The honeymoon is the perfect mix of relaxing, sexy and exotic.

Despite the hopes and expectations that people pin on a wedding, the wedding itself is not what makes a happy marriage. The wedding is only the beginning of a lifetime of work, patience and compromise. It is worth it if you love your spouse and married for the right reasons, but what if you did not? Not everyone marries for the right reasons, and some motivations are worse than others. Here are seven terrible reasons to get married that all but guarantee an unhappy marriage.

Mental Deadline

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Everyone knows someone who feels like they have to be married by a certain age. For many people, they are determined that they must be married either by the time they are 30 or a year or two before that so that they can have their children before they turn 30. This sets up a mental deadline that you are terrified of missing. As the magic cutoff approaches, you start to change the way you think. If you are in a relationship, you lock yourself into it regardless of whether or not you are certain you want to spend the rest of your life with that person. You are nearing your deadline, so you do not have time to find someone new. You settle for who you already are dating. In the event that you are not in a relationship as that cutoff approaches, you start frantically looking for someone, anyone with the slightest potential to be a spouse. In short, you settle due to a frantic race against an arbitrary, self-imposed deadline. Many people who marry for this reason find that the person they attached themselves to is not really a great fit for a life partner, something a little more time or honesty would have shown.

Ease

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Diving back into the numbers and waiting game that is dating is awful after having been in a committed relationship. Where before you had a person who cared about you that you could rely on, you are now faced with a steady stream of people who simply do not click with you. Rather than being able to call up someone you care for to discuss your latest success or tragedy, you have to endure awkward silences and one sided conversations as you try and find common ground with your date.

Dating can be a pain, and plenty of people wish there was a way to find love without it. Unfortunately, some people decide that rather than deal with the dating game again, they will simply marry whoever they happen to be in a relationship with at the time. Marrying their significant other is simply easier than dealing with the drama of a break up or finding someone new.

This is a disaster waiting to happen. Eventually, you will either find someone that you would be willing to put in the work to be with and have an affair, or you will come to resent your spouse for not being good enough for you.

Fear of Loneliness

Everyone has had a moment, at least once, where they picture themselves as an old man or woman who is all alone, no spouse, no children, no family. Some take it even farther and imagine they have no friends. That picture is terrifying. Humans are social creatures. Without connections, they suffer from a variety of disorders including depression. Thankfully, for most people, those terrible visions of living and dying alone are only temporary. They spend a moment or two shivering and then remind themselves that there are millions of fish in the sea. They will find the person that is right for them eventually.

Sadly, some people struggle to internalize the knowledge that there are other people out there who might be right for them. So, they marry whoever they are with when that fear strikes. Most often, this affects people at a transition point in their life. They marry their high school sweetheart, the person they are dating at the end of college or someone from their hometown right before they change states to start their career. In such cases, you are not emotionally ready for a marriage because you are reacting in fear. Your spouse deserves better than to be chosen simply because they were there when you panicked.

Spare Them Pain

Breaking up with someone is awful. It means crying, regret, broken hearts, tarnished memories and months of second guessing yourself. Refusing a proposal has the potential to cause just as much drama with an extra-large heaping of capital-A Awkward slathered on top. As such, some people simply accept the proposal. Saying “yes” is certainly easier than dealing with a loved one’s hurt eyes and trying to explain to your significant other why you are neither not ready to nor interested in marrying them.

Accepting a proposal out of convenience or to avoid hurting your significant other’s feelings is not a good idea. Your marriage essentially begins with a lie. It may be a lie of omission, but if you say “yes” when you are not actually interested, your marriage is based on a falsehood. This is a disaster waiting to happen, not the least because the truth will eventually come out. Such a marriage also sets the stage for you to become dismissive or contemptuous toward the partner to whom you begin to feel shackled due to a moment of cowardice.

Practicality

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Beyond the emotional advantages of declaring your love for each other in a permanent, legally binding fashion, marriage has a number of practical benefits. Spouses share bank accounts, living spaces and more. This can make marriage seem like a perfectly reasonable option to take when two people are used to being in a relationship. When you both have decided you want to spend the rest of your lives together, it makes sense to decide how to handle the practical and logistical matters. Practicality, however, should not be the driving force behind a marriage. A relationship built purely on pragmatism is going to be loveless and prone to the sort of emotional distance and apathy that leads straight to divorces or affairs.

Marrying for money or benefits is another form of marrying for practical reasons. Beyond the questionable ethics involved, marrying to achieve some form of financial stability is going to end in disaster. You may think that marriage is a great idea when you are struggling on your own, but what about when things settle down and you realize you have bound yourself to this person? Those wads of green are unlikely to make up for it.

Familial Pressure

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Families want the best for each other. Sometimes, however, what one person thinks is the best for their daughter, brother or cousin is wrong. This can certainly be the case when it comes to relationships and marriages. Plenty of people have stayed in relationships that they would have been better off leaving due to familial pressure. You may be ready to say farewell to the person, but your family always gushes about how perfect your significant other is for you. It can make it hard to walk away from a relationship where there may not be anything overtly wrong, but you do not see yourself spending the rest of your life with the other person.

Families can put pressure on you to not only get married but, more often, to also have children. Parents are especially infamous for pushing their children to settle down and start making grandbabies. Remember that this is your life. A marriage that you and your spouse were pressured into is a breeding ground for resentment. Remind your family that it is your life, and you will marry if and when you are ready, not because they think you should.

Wanting the Wedding

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Weddings are wonderful. The bride and groom’s closest friends and family are there. Everyone is socially obligated to be in a good mood and lavish attention on the newlyweds. The venue is beautiful, the dress is extraordinary, the food is good and the party can go all night. A fabulous vacation usually follows, and you get to be the talk of your social circle for months leading up to the actual ceremony. You and your fiancé both get to have multiple parties and receive all sorts of gifts. What is not to love about a wedding?

Unfortunately, some people confuse their desire to have a wedding with the desire to get married. Lots of people would love to have an expensive party that is all about them. That does not mean that you are by any stretch of the imagination ready to get married or spend the rest of your life with your current beau.