Without a doubt, most couples will feel lonely within their marriage at some point along the years. Maybe you have found yourself in this position today. If you have, know that it is nothing to be ashamed of. Even the closest of couples can have their struggles and their times of feeling distant from one another. If you and your spouse are both feeling lonely in your marriage, then you will both be able to take the proper steps to get your marriage on the right road again.
If you are unsure if you and your spouse are both lonely in your marriage, take a look at the signs below. The great news is that just because you and your spouse might have all of these signs of both being lonely within your marriage doesn't mean your marriage has to end. In truth, you can fix it with the help of the Lord. Look over the signs below and see how you can fix this struggle within your marriage.
1. You Are Both Spending Time Apart
If you are both spending time apart from each other and you are barely around each other anymore, this is a clear sign that you are both lonely. You are both spending time apart because you don't feel like your spouse cares about you. Even if this may not be true, it is the message that is being sent. Think about how you feel when your spouse doesn't spend time with you. Try to remember this feeling when your spouse says they feel lonely in your marriage as it could be because you are not spending time together as much as you should.
Sadly, with the stressors of work and home life, it can be common for you to stop spending as much time with your spouse. Maybe you are spending more time with your friends than you are with your spouse, or maybe your spouse is spending more time with their friends than they are spending with you. In either case, it is hurtful and it is a clear sign you are both lonely.
If you are both spending time apart, it is not a surprise that you are both feeling lonely in your marriage. Rather than continuing down the road of separation, choose to start doing activities together again. Cook dinner together, go on a walk, have a movie night, or go out for a romantic date. Spend time together and watch your loneliness levels decrease.
2. You Don't Smile or Laugh as Much
You and your spouse may have used to be all smiles and laughs at the beginning of your marriage, but after more time has passed, neither of you smile or laugh as much. Everything feels bleak and glum. If this is how both of you are feeling, it is probably because you are both lonely. Think about why you both don't smile or laugh as much. Talk about it with each other and be honest about any feelings, thoughts, or concerns you have been having.
Feeling lonely within your marriage is not something that simply happens overnight. It has been building for a while, which is why you need to address these feelings with your spouse. Get to the root of the matter in order for you both to fix it. Figure out why you are not smiling or laughing as much, and try to seek out ways to restore happiness, joy, and laughter back into your marriage.
Maybe you are not smiling or laughing as much because your spouse was unfaithful to you. Due to their own loneliness, they spent time with someone else and were unfaithful to you. This could be why you are having a hard time smiling or laughing anymore. Get into therapy for this struggle and allow God to help your marriage. God can do amazing things and help you heal through the process.
3. You Both Are Not Feeling Loved By One Another
A clear sign that you are both feeling lonely in your marriage is that you are both not feeling loved by one another. This can be due to a myriad of reasons, such as your spouse not paying attention to you, not showing up to major events in your life, or not checking in with you when you are on a work trip. If you are both not feeling loved in your marriage, then try to take a step back and reassess why you got married in the first place. Recount all of the things you love about your spouse and then tell them these things.
It is also important to talk and be open about how you are feeling. Tell your spouse directly that you are not feeling loved by them. If you are both feeling lonely in your marriage, then they will tell you they are feeling the same way. Although it can sound bad for both of you to be feeling lonely in your marriage, it can actually lead to a positive outcome because you can work on the problem together. Be open with one another, share when you feel lonely, and also don't be afraid to speak up when they say or do something that makes you feel unloved by them.
4. You Both Feel Empty
Feeling empty is a terrible thing. You probably feel this way if you are lonely in your marriage. If you are feeling this way and your spouse has also had signs of feeling empty, such as social withdrawal, not being very present emotionally, or losing an interest in building your relationship, then they are probably feeling empty too. Once again, it is important to talk these matters out with each other and speak up when you see your marriage struggling.
It can be hard to do this, but it will be worth it in the long run. There will be many hard conversations ahead, however, it is better to have these conversations now than it is to have your marriage end in a divorce. Talk it out, listen to each other, and be open to making changes within your relationship to ensure you both feel loved, fulfilled, and not lonely.
5. Both of You Don't Confide in Each Other Anymore
Maybe at the beginning of your marriage, you and your spouse used to confide in each other. However, now it feels as though you never talk about anything deeper than the weather. If this is the new narrative of your life, then it is highly likely because you and your spouse are both feeling lonely in your marriage. Choose to start confiding in your spouse again and tell them about your worries, fears, concerns, hopes, and dreams. Become close again and they will open back up to you too.
6. You Both Lose Your Temper at Each Other More Often
Being lonely in your marriage can also manifest in losing your temper at each other. If you have noticed you have been losing your temper more often and your spouse has as well, it could be that you are both lonely in your marriage. Since you are not connecting as you should, anger and frustration can arise. Work through these problems together and try to improve on communication as well as connectivity.
7. You Both Feel More Fulfilment Being Behind a Screen Than Being Together
You and your spouse also might be lonely in your marriage if you both feel more fulfillment being behind a screen than you do when you spend time together. For example, if you and your spouse are happier watching television or scrolling on social media apart from each other, then you are going to need help in your marriage. Don’t be afraid to reach out to a marriage counselor and get the help that you and your spouse needs. Choose to be proactive and take the steps to ensure your marriage returns to a state of life, equality, and loyalty.
While it is never pleasant to realize that you and your spouse are lonely in your marriage, it can be empowering to work through these issues together. By being aware of the signs, you and your spouse can take the proper steps to ensure your marriage stays healthy and full of love. Pray over the matter, lean on the Lord, and find support in one another.
