6 Things Couples Must Do When Marriages Go Wrong

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Is your marriage in a state of constant turmoil and you don't know where things are headed? It’s never easy to admit when your relationship is in trouble. There are some proven things you can do to make a good relationship great, but what if you suspect your relationship might need some help? You think you can work it out, but time after time, nothing has changed and the same issues remain between you and your significant other. Often, when your relationship needs the most work, you find yourself lonelier in the relationship. Perhaps you lead increasingly separate lives and you don’t make time for each other – and when you do spend time together, you don’t feel like your partner listens or pays attention to you. Does this sound familiar? Ignoring the signs that your marriage needs work won’t change things either. It’s important that you’re aware of what isn’t working so you can make the necessary changes to transform your marriage. Here are six things couples must do when marriages go wrong.

Stop Making Excuses

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When a marriage is in trouble and individuals make a ton of excuses for those issues not only to others but themselves, they're only rationalizing why things are wrong, instead of making a real change to make the marriage better. The more excuses you make, the closer you're headed for disaster. For couples who are married, when communication isn’t at its best, it can be hard for the couple. Many times, people make excuses as to why they can’t connect with a person throughout their day, whether it’s via text message or on the telephone. Those are simply excuses, no matter how busy someone is. When someone wants to talk to you or connect with you, they do. No one is too busy to make a two minute phone call to say hello, check in or to simply say that they hope you’re having a great day.

Minimize Arguments

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Arguing all the time doesn’t necessarily mean your marriage has hit its dead end. It really depends on what you’re arguing about and the nature of the fights. Constant petty bickering tends to be a habit couples fall into to avoid larger, more painful issues. Constant arguing breaks down communication, a key element to any healthy relationship. Many arguments come up again and again for couples because the underlying issues are left unresolved. The more arguing that takes place, the less attractive both parties become, opening the door for other issues to enter into the relationship. Angry and abusive fights show that consideration and thoughtfulness have disappeared from your relationship. Instead of automatically taking your relationship issues down the dark path of arguing, take a deep breath and try to talk things over with your partner in a cool, respectful way.

Acknowledge Issues That Bother You

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Dropping hints and other passive-aggression are huge problems for many couples. Instead of stating a desire or thought overtly, you or your partner tries to nudge you in the right direction of figuring it out yourself. Instead of saying what’s actually upsetting you, you find small and petty ways to agitate your partner so you’ll then feel justified in complaining to them. This is problematic because it shows that you two are not comfortable communicating openly and clearly with one another. A person has no reason to be passive-aggressive if they feel safe expressing any anger or insecurity within the marriage. If an issue or habit is bothering you, it’s important that you address it, no matter how you think it will translate to the person you’re with. Something that may have started small will eventually grow into a real problem.

Make Fidelity a Top Priority

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Constant cheating, whether physical or emotional is a major sign that your marriage needs work. It may also be a sign that your relationship is headed for the end. Too often, when there are major insecurities in a relationship, people will turn to another person to satisfy those needs they feel aren’t being met by their partner. In turn, they pull themselves even further away from their partner. If you or the person you're with is constantly cheating, it's time to walk away. While some couples can work through issues of infidelity and come to a point of forgiveness (most of the time one time occurrences), many can’t. When you think there are no underlying issues and that the problem will just work itself out or go away, you're only hiding from the truth.

Make Respect a Top Priority

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When two people in a marriage lack respect for each other, it opens the door for a ton of trouble –mental, physical and emotional abuse, constant arguments and name calling among a few. When there's zero respect in a relationship, it tears both parties down so much, it's almost impossible to communicate. In a relationship, both parties should always be treated with respect. Under no circumstances should arguments escalate to a point where you’re attacking and bringing the other person down. These acts of disrespect can easily turn into emotional and physical abuse. No matter where an argument takes you, you should practice self-control and openly communicate what’s bothering you. You should be giving your partner the same respect you'd want in the relationship. If you’re doing anything that compromises that, there’s a problem.

Eliminate Communication With Harmful People

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Many people still communicate with their exes for a number of reasons. Often, it’s because they want to keep the person around in hopes of getting back together. If you or the person you’re with is still talking to the ex, or exes and you’re not on the same page about it, it can and will ruin the marriage. If you or the person you’re with always talking about an ex, whether actively mentioning getting back with them or everything you hated about them, this is a clear sign that you haven’t quite moved on from them and it’s not healthy for your marriage. No matter how much effort you put in, if your head or heart is somewhere else, you’re only headed for trouble. Also, you should distance yourself from those who speak poorly or bring harm to your relationship with malicious intent. While there are people who are ok to listen to – they see bad things happening in your marriage, care about your safety and advise you accordingly – harmful people who you should distance yourself from aren’t looking out for your best interest. They are trying to sabotage the growth and happiness of your marriage because of their own bitterness and unhappiness.