Your spouse needs affection from you, even on the days when you don’t particularly feel like giving it. Marriage is built on love, commitment, and small daily choices that show your partner they matter. While emotions can fluctuate due to stress, exhaustion, or conflict, affection should not disappear entirely. Sometimes the most meaningful acts of love are the simplest ones. Here are six simple ways you can show your spouse affection, even on the days when it feels difficult.
1. Give Your Spouse a Hug
When you don't feel like extending affection to your spouse, it can be challenging to love them. Think about why you are struggling to feel affectionate towards your spouse. Perhaps you are struggling with depression or your marriage is undergoing a rough patch right now. Try to avoid allowing this tough time to derail your marriage. God brought you and your spouse together, and He wants you to love one another (Genesis 2:24; Ephesians 5:25-33).
How will you love one another if you never extend affection? Even if you don't feel like being affectionate towards your spouse, give them a quick hug before they go to work or once they get home. This can help them feel loved and valued. With time, the quick hug should turn into a longer hug. Perhaps by then you will feel more affectionate towards your spouse and work through any struggles.
2. Going For a Walk and Talk
There is a lot that can be said on a 20 minute walk. Ask your spouse to go on a walk with you and talk about any concerns you both have. It could be that your spouse is struggling to be affectionate towards you as well. Try to work through the problem rather than escalating it. Give your spouse time to talk and truly take in what they are saying.
It could be that your spouse is feeling poorly about themselves due to the lack of affection. Working through these problems will help strengthen your marriage. Try to take time each week to go for a walk and talk with your spouse. This can help build your connection with one another and ensure you emerge victorious on the other side of this trying time.
3. Genuinely Listening to Them
Far too many spouses neglect listening to one another. Make sure you never allow this to be true in your own marriage. Genuinely listen to your spouse; don't overlook their concerns or problems. Talking through these issues will help resolve any issues within your marriage. It can be challenging to feel affectionate towards your spouse when you don't feel like it, but by working through problems and genuinely listening to them, your marriage will grow.
Don't see this present problem as something that will destroy your marriage. Instead, see it as an opportunity for positive change in your marriage. Pray over the matter, ask the Lord to help you listen more attentively to your spouse, and ensure you are being patient with them. These subtle acts will help your spouse feel loved.
4. Help Them With a Chore
Perhaps you don't feel like hugging or kissing your spouse today, but you do want to help them feel loved. You can do this by helping them with a chore. Rather than waiting for them to take out the trash, get up early and get a few chores done around the house before they even get up. Maybe your spouse has been stressed over cleaning the house for an upcoming event; you can extend affection to them by getting a head start at the cleaning.
These simple acts go a long way and help your spouse feel better about themselves. Although you don't feel like being affectionate, it still helps them feel cared for. It can also take a huge weight and stress off their back. After all, this is what marriage is all about: sacrificial love.
5. Complement Them
Your spouse enjoys it when you compliment them — even if you have been together for over 50 years! Try to go out of your way to compliment them today. You could compliment them on their outfit, the dinner they made, or a recent promotion at work. Make sure your compliment is personalized to them; avoid making generalized statements. Your spouse wants to know you love them and are attracted to them. It can really hurt their feelings when you choose to not extend affection to them.
6. Take Them Out For a Date Night
This might be challenging, but it can do wonders for your marriage. Although you don't feel like being affectionate towards your spouse, you can still be a good spouse to them. Similar to any task, you might not feel like completing it right now, but once you start the task, the motivation will come. Pray ahead of time and ask the Lord for guidance if you are immensely struggling with extending affection to your spouse.
Once you have taken these steps, you can offer to take your spouse out for a date night. What does your spouse like to do? Perhaps they really love bowling. If this is true, take your spouse out for pizza and bowling. Or maybe your spouse really likes ballet. Take them out for a fancy dinner and then a night at the ballet. These subtle acts can go a long way and help your spouse know that you love them.
Struggling to extend affection to your spouse is something that needs to be talked about and worked through. However, for the time being, you can give your spouse a hug, go for a walk and talk, genuinely listen to them, help them with a chore, compliment them, and take them out for a date night.
