When you first get married, you see visions of fairytales. You wholeheartedly believe that your spouse is the person you were meant to be with, and the two of you will leave happily ever after. Some people may even hear echoes of Mark 10:9 in their heads. This verse says, “Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.” Sadly, as time goes by, you may start to realize that your spouse isn’t the person you that they were. You begin to question your decision and ask yourself if you married the wrong person.
This isn’t a rallying cry for you to immediately get divorced, but you may have to consider the option. Before you speak to a divorce attorney, seek God’s counsel to determine whether you’re experiencing the complex reality of married life or the consequences of lousy decision-making skills. Beyond daily prayer and study of the Word, professional counsel should be considered whenever a question concerning the strength of marriage develops. Here are some signs you may have married the wrong person.
They cheat on you.
God doesn’t bless a relationship that starts with infidelity. An unfaithful spouse doesn’t mean that the marriage can’t last, but it sure makes it more complicated than God intended it to be. Hebrews 13:4 says, “Give honor to marriage and remain faithful to one another in marriage. God will surely judge people who are immoral and those who commit adultery.”
Even a marriage that goes the way God intended is hard. Beginning a relationship with adultery is a sure sign you married the wrong person. Luckily, our God is one of restoration and healing, even when we don’t deserve it. Knowing this, you and your spouse may be able to work through the infidelity.
You feel they only married you for sex.
Something is stolen from marriage when sex comes first. Unfortunately, it’s widely accepted in our society. Giving in to someone that can’t wait is a definite sign that we couldn’t wait for what we deserved. It’s hard to believe that God has someone set aside for us, especially when you’ve been waiting for what feels like decades. When we settle for “right now,” we overlook the best scenario.
1 Corinthians 6:18-20 cautions, “Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body. Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.”
Many of us don’t understand how precious we are to God. We may not know, but everyone who has chosen to marry based upon the decision to have sex first was most likely selected out of the wrong motivations.
They are financially dependent.
Deciding to marry someone based on their income isn’t wise. No payment is guaranteed to last forever, and money won’t make or keep you happy. 1 Timothy 6:10 tells us, “Lust for money brings trouble and nothing but trouble. Going down that path, some lose their footing in the faith completely and live to regret it bitterly ever after.”
Being spoiled with gifts and taken on impulsive vacations is romantic and fun. If we are blessed with people who care about us in that way, it’s not a bad thing. John 10:10 assures us that Jesus died so that we may live life to the fullest; however, that’s not accomplished through financial gain and shouldn’t be a requirement for who we are going to marry.
There are unresolved conflicts.
Saying yes to marriage because we can’t say no isn’t a good excuse to walk down the aisle. If there is conflict in a relationship before marriage, it won’t magically go away during your honeymoon. Counting on marriage to heal all wounds will only make them worse.
Proverbs 10:12 says, “Hatred stirs up conflict, but love covers over all wrongs.” This verse can be misinterpreted to presume that human love embodied by a wedding ring and vows can defeat any hatred, but God’s love has the power to overcome all hate. When two people are seeking God first, it’s His love that unites them together. Instead of working on our hearts with God, we’ve made the wrong choice if we’ve taken God’s Word out of context to fit our wants and desires.
They abuse you.
God would never want us to be abused by our spouse. Sadly, many men and women are caught in this cycle before the wedding day and afterward. You picked wrong if you thought that was the person God had intended for you, but the beauty of our Savior is that anyone can be restored. Ephesians 4:32 reminds us to “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” If you find yourself in an abusive situation, find the professional help needed and leave an unsafe environment.
They’re a workaholic.
Sadly, our have-to-have-it-all society breeds workaholics. Marriage and family take time to nourish, and we wrongly assume that a person who puts their career first will appropriate their time to raise one. Psalm 127:2 reminds us that God provides for His children, saying, “God provides for His own. It is pointless to get up early, work hard, and go to bed late anxiously laboring for food to eat; for God provides for those He loves, even while they are sleeping.” God’s provision shouldn’t be mistaken for laziness. Living out God’s purpose for our lives is hard work. Marriages are a part of that plan and will require a work ethic unique to that relationship.
Marriage is never a walk in the park and shouldn’t be entered into lightly. Before starting divorce proceedings, it would be best to discuss your issues with your spouse or consider marital counseling. If they love you like they say they do, they’ll stop at nothing to make the relationship work.