Marriages can grow apart for a myriad of reasons. It is good to be aware of these reasons to prevent any troubles in the relationship.
Think about the most common troubles in your marriage. Now, think about the most common problems in your parents' marriage. Chances are, you both have similar struggles. All marriages face challenging times, as both spouses are fallen sinners (Romans 3:23). However, by becoming aware of common marriage mistakes and taking the proper steps, you can ensure your marriage stays strong.
1. Spending Too Much Time Apart
“Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control” (1 Corinthians 7:5).
If a husband and a wife spends too much time apart, it will show up in various negative consequences. One of these consequences will be both partners growing apart from one another. It is important for husbands and wives to spend quality time with one another. How much time are you and your spouse currently spending together? Do you feel connected to them?
Start making time in your schedule to spend with your spouse. Do everyday tasks together, such as yard work, getting chores done, or running errands. Go on dates with one another, like you did when you first got to know each other. Pour life into your marriage and strive to spend more time with one another each day. It will help you cultivate a deeper connection to your spouse and grow closer to them.
2. Having a “Work Wife” or “Work Husband”
Recent trends report 7 in 10 individuals have a “work wife” or a “work husband.” A “work wife” or “work husband” is someone who becomes your “spouse” at work. Although you are not technically married to them, you are spending a great amount of time with them, you are cheering them on, and you are building a connection with them. If this is something that you have noticed in your life or in your spouse’s life, it is time to open a conversation and get to the root of the issue.
Having a “work wife” or “work husband” can lead to adultery. Rather than continuing on a road such as this, repent and turn back to the Lord. The Bible tells us, “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness” (1 John 1:9). Seek out the Lord, study His Word, and start rebuilding your marriage together.
3. Holding Bitterness Towards One Another
Another common mistake causing couples to grow apart is when one or both partners are holding bitterness towards one another. Bitterness will only consume you from the inside out. Your spouse has probably made many mistakes, but try to remember, you have too. Everyone makes mistakes, but what is important is what we do to correct our mistakes.
The Apostle Paul tells us, “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you” (Ephesians 4:32). Forgive your spouse and release all bitterness from your heart. If this is a struggle, ask the Lord to help you. Maybe your spouse was unfaithful to you in the past or they said something to hurt your feelings.
Talk with the Lord about all these things and allow Him to soften your heart. Breathe in and breathe out. With each breath, give yourself the opportunity to let go of every ounce of unforgiveness and bitterness that is in your soul. God is faithful, and He will restore your marriage.
4. Neither Spouse is Open About Their Feelings
Men are known for not sharing their feelings. Although this is common, it does not make it right. Husbands, you must be open with your feelings. Refrain from allowing all your emotions to bubble over into anger. If something hurts your feelings, speak up, talk about it, and let your spouse know. There is nothing “weak” about sharing your feelings. In fact, it is quite brave and strong.
Wives, it is also important for you to be open about your feelings. Maybe you have been shut down in the past when you tried to share your feelings. This could have been from your parents or other loved ones. Choose to make a change today, and start talking with your spouse openly. Abstain from keeping your emotions all bottled up.
5. Forcing Smiles
Many spouses feel as though they have to fake smiles when they are actually feeling awful about their marriage. Forcing smiles will only result in your marriage growing apart. Piggybacking on the former point, it is important to refrain from hiding your real emotions. You don't have to pretend to be someone you are not. In other words, you don't have to be “tough” all the time. Husbands and wives are given the freedom to simply be themselves.
If you don't feel like smiling, then you don't have to. Be real and honest with your emotions. This will help your marriage grow closer. You will feel more connected with your spouse, and they will feel more connected with you.
6. Taking Anger Out on One Another
Couples who yell at each other are not happy. If anger, fights, and quarrels are constantly resounding in your marriage, it is not a good sign. The good news is that there are steps you can do to bring your marriage back together again. Rather than yelling at one another, choose to love your spouse as God directs.
The Apostle Paul tells us, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her” (Ephesians 5:25). Paul also says, “However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband” (Ephesians 5:33). Following these instructions will prove to be helpful in keeping a heart of peace, love, and contentment in your marriage.
Marriages can be drawn apart for many reasons, but they can also be brought back to completeness. A few common marriage mistakes couples make is spending too much time apart, having a “work wife” or a “work husband,” holding bitterness towards one another, neither partner being open with their feelings, forcing smiles, and taking anger out on another.
