5 Ways You Are Sabotaging Your Relationship With Your Husband l Fighting With Your Husband l Conflicts In Relationships

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We’re no longer entranced and lately, feelings are growing cold. Marriage isn’t always about feeling good and it takes a ton of practice to get things right. Even then, there is no guarantee. God wants to use this relationship to allow both of you to grow. Proverbs 27:17 explained it "As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another." If you are not sharpening each other, you are limiting each other by your actions, decisions and likely by your words. Are you worsening the relationship with your own emotional gear and hangups? If so, you could be chiseling away at the foundation of your marriage. It may seem daunting at first. But changing yourself and not the other person can improve your course and bring healing. People create more of a jumble when they work to change another person rather than focusing on themselves. Ladies, this is not about making you feel condemned as we all can flunk at marriage and there is no such thing as perfection. This is about making consorted efforts to own our faults and to be honest. Consider these 5 ways that you are sabotaging your relationship with your husband.

Your Words

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Maybe communication is not the problem, it is how you communicate. We can be cunning with our words and sometimes the damage is done no matter how much you retract. Venting in a relationship is normal. What is not normal is getting a tongue lashing and being berated. This can be making fun of your husband for shortcomings, criticizing him or telling him that he'll never accomplish much. You can have a disagreement, but don't make them personal out of your anger. Once you attain the discipline to walk away and to not verbally abuse them--it's a great indicator that you're growing. Once you expose how you're communicating in the relationship, you can do a better job at correcting it.

Selfishness

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Most people are self-centered and when it's in a marriage, it could be deadly. Selfishness could entail hanging out with friends, choosing hobbies or choosing work above your spouse. The Bible cautioned about being parsimonious in Philippians 2:3-4: "Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others." Be honest if you are the selfish one in the relationship. Maybe you both deal with selfishness and if you can get real and talk about your faults, you can start to rectify them. It can be as simple as catching yourself from always thinking about your needs or wants first. However, you can't solve a problem unless you are willing to acknowledge it in the first place.

Little Self-Sacrifice

We all want to be happy and there is nothing wrong with this. Yet, when we believe that our own satisfaction is more important than your spouse’s feelings or thoughts, it can become problematic. In addition to the selfishness that we discussed, a lack of sacrifice is another killer. Jesus taught us that being first is being last. Instead of wanting to be served, we must serve. This does not mean just at church or in a ministry. This concept that Jesus taught is for every area in your life and it is vital for your marriage. When was the last time that you offered praise or showed gratitude towards your husband? We often don't believe that this is a part of self-sacrifice, but it undoubtedly is.

Having an Emotional Affair

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No matter what form it comes in, cheating is cheating. "If you think about it, it's the breach of trust, more than the sex, that's the most painful aspect of an affair and, I can tell you from my work as a psychiatrist, the most difficult to recover from," psychiatrist Gail Salt wrote. Emotional relationships can become just as fierce in splitting up a marriage because you already mentally and emotionally checked out. The more the other person fills the holes up in your life, the more you will crave it. Emotions are a powerful force and becoming entangled in an emotional affair will paralyze your marriage because you're on a path of having a physical affair.

You Don't Forgive

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Do you ever apologize? Well, forgiveness is more than a word, it unlocks a power that can melt icy relations. There will times when you feel that you are not wrong, but this is where you need to be mature and forgiving. When you don't, you carry a piece of resentment with you each time and this gets cumbersome. After some time, you start to have outbursts of anger because you simply didn't forgive and didn't let it go. Forgiveness doesn't mean that you deny the other person's liability, you excuse the act. Then, you are able to move away from being a victim where you start removing emotional barriers. If you can learn to forgive your spouse, it will help the marriage to become stronger.