5 Things Singles Should Remember about Marriage by Shellie R. Warren l Relationship Tips l Getting Married l Singles

There are lots of published reports which indicate that marriage (especially in the United States) is on the decline. However, it doesn’t change the fact that there are also studies which indicate that marriage is good for your health, is the most ideal environment in which to raise children and it’s still considered to be a truly beautiful and sacred bond between two people by many. That’s not to say that it’s some type of magical solution to life’s problems or that it somehow automatically adds more value to your life, though. Marriage is a very special, blessed and unique institution, but make no mistake about it: It also requires a lot of work. If you’re a single person who really wants to get married, before going on that next date and more importantly, before saying “I do”, here are five things to think about beforehand:

Marriage is Not a Cure for Loneliness

Marriage is not a cure for loneliness or low self-esteem. There’s a quote that goes like this: “Marriage is being able to have a sleepover with your best friend for the rest of your life.” That’s awesome. There’s also a quote that goes like this: “The loneliest night in your bed as a single person beats being in a bad marriage.” Yep. There are a lot of husbands and wives who will tell you that just because you share a home with someone, that doesn’t necessarily mean that you’re being intimate with one another or that you’re truly sharing a life with them. When two people are not paying attention to each other’s needs, when they are harboring bitterness and unforgivingness or when they resent each other, it can cause them to feel extremely lonely---even when they’re married. It can also do a real number on their self-esteem. The point is this: If you want to get married to fill a void, you’d be much better off working on that as a single person. Marriage is healthier when two whole people come together rather than when two people look for the other to complete them.

Marriage is Something that Has to be Worked On

Marriage is something that has to be worked on---constantly. Although things like poor communication, a lack of intimacy and financial problems can play a role in the demise of a marriage, there’s a bigger---and oftentimes undetected---problem. Laziness. There are a lot of divorced couples who will admit that if they look back on their relationship, they tended to be more reactive (trying to “put out fires”) than proactive (trying to prevent the fires from happening in the first place). When two people stand before one another on their wedding day and declare that they are going to “love, honor and cherish” one another, those are not passive words. They are active ones. Each day, both individuals have to make the choice to act like they love each other. Great marriages don’t “just happen”. They require real effort. Daily.

Marriage is Not Meant to be Treated as Temporary

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Marriage is not meant to be treated as temporary. If you’re a Bible-follower, here’s something to keep in mind about being married. Aside from the fact that Malachi 2:16 says that “God hates divorce” and Matthew 19:1-12 talks about divorce being permitted by Moses due to hard-heartedness (and Proverbs 28:14 says that a hard heart causes calamity), Ecclesiastes 5:1-7 is pretty clear about how important it is to keep one’s vows. When you’re single and dating, although breaking up with someone may be painful, it’s not nearly as big of a deal as when you’re thinking of ending your marriage. A divorce can wreak havoc on your emotions, your kids, your finances and so many other things. Folks who’ve been married for 30 or more years will oftentimes say that one of the main keys to their success is that divorce is not an option. If you’re planning on getting married with an “exit strategy” in tow, for so many reasons (and sometimes unpredictable outcomes), it’s better to stay single.

Being Married is Not Better than Being Single

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Being married is not better than being single. Just different. Biblically, marriage is something that dates back to the Garden of Eden when God said in Genesis 2:18 that “It is not good for man to be alone.” At the same time, some of the most profound figures in biblical history, Christ and Paul, were single. The point is this: Some people put pressure on themselves and others to get married because they feel that it is better to have a spouse than to be single. It’s not, though. It’s just different. Married people have a bond that is both very sweet and very powerful. However, it was the Apostle Paul who once said that it’s single individuals who can devote more time to serving the Lord (I Corinthians 7:32-35). Bottom line: Being married to the right one makes for a great marriage. Until then, embracing your singleness---and all of the benefits that it has to offer---is not a concession prize. It’s a bona fide blessing.