5 Steps to Reconnect With a Distant Spouse

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It’s almost inevitable. Life gets crazy, work becomes stressful, kids get involved in activities, and/or a family member receives a medical diagnosis and suddenly, you’re running on empty, life is chaotic, and you realize you haven’t connected with your spouse in a while. It happens! There are so many things in our lives today that require our time and attention, sometimes we fail to take care of ourselves, let alone our relationships. One of the reasons marriages may suffer is because the partners become so busy, they can’t even see the rift starting to form, becoming larger and larger over time. They may feel that it’s just a part of life, so it continues to happen, creating even more space between one another. The good news in all of this? You realize the disconnect is happening. You acknowledge that your spouse hasn’t been a top priority, and you want to do something about it. If you’re reading this article, you’re looking for strategies to make things better, and that’s the first step. There are many ways to close the gap that has formed in your relationship, so don’t worry! Read on for tips on finding ways to re-connect with your spouse.

Discuss the Distance Between You

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Between juggling all of life’s activities, it’s easy to forget to find time to talk to one another about anything other than logistics. Tell your spouse that you realize life has taken over, but you’re committed to re-connecting. It’s quite possible that the reason you’re feeling distant is simply because you haven’t had the time to talk to each other much lately. Ask your partner if they feel similarly to you, or is it one-sided? Chances are that he/she will be feeling the same way, and just admitting that you mutually feel the same way and want to improve the distance between you can make a huge difference moving forward. Talk about why the disconnect may be happening. Can you pinpoint one specific thing, or is it multiple things that have added up over time? Is there anything that you can start doing to cut out or scale back or even shift around to make each other more of a priority?

Develop Solid Communication Strategies

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Find ways to increase your communication. You can look at your day and find ways to incorporate more times to touch base, whether it’s in the morning, during a break at the office, or in the evenings after the kids have gone to sleep. What communication styles are working for you now, and which ones aren’t? Which ones work best for your spouse? Is calling the best way to feel connected, or frequent text messages? Little notes of gratitude and a simple “Hi” or “I love you” can go a long way. Send your spouse a nice message for no reason at all, order flowers, or leave a note or poem on their car. If you’ve taken the Love Languages quiz, try to think of a unique way to do something that ties in with the way your spouse likes to receive love, whether it’s buying a gift, spending more quality time together, or simply giving a hug or kiss. Recognizing the best communication strategies will help lay a solid foundation to a closer, more intimate relationship in the future.

Do Something Together That You Both Enjoy

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It’s easy to forget about date night when you’re pulled in too many directions. However, spending time alone with each other away from the house and every day distractions is often a great way to reconnect. If you’ve realized that you haven’t had time together in a while, hire a babysitter or trusted family member to watch the kids for an evening and do something fun that you both enjoy. Enjoy a nice meal over candlelight, watch a movie together in the theatre, attend a musical, or just do something lighthearted and fun like mini-golf, bowling, a comedy show, or local amusement park. Buy all the cotton candy you want, play skee-ball at the arcade, or head to the park and watch the sunset. Whatever it is that allows you to feel close, find the time occasionally to make each other a priority. Before the end of the night, make sure you’ve both written down when the next date night will be, so you can schedule other activities around your time together.

Refill Your Tank

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You can get lost in constantly offering your time and energy to others and sometimes that can lead to feeling like you’re always giving and never receiving. What makes you, you? Do you enjoy reading, painting, playing a sport, or just an evening out with friends? The old saying is true that you can’t keep pouring from an empty well, especially when you’re so depleted that there isn’t anything left to give. Surprisingly, refilling your tank may even mean spending time away from your partner, which may seem counterintuitive. Yet, it may be just what you need. If you or your spouse are feeling overwhelmed or limited in free time, perhaps taking a weekend and spending time apart will allow you to refill your tank and each do something that you love. This time apart may also help you realize that you miss each other, and it helps you to appreciate one another more when you’re away.

Pray For God to Bring You Closer Together

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When you feel distant, you can turn to God and pray for his guidance and grace. Ask for Him to bless your marriage and strengthen your bond. Turn your concerns, fears and questions over to God through prayer. There are a variety of Bible verses that address communication, relationships and love. Spend time with your spouse locating these verses and talking about them. How do they relate to your marriage today? Are there words of wisdom that you can begin to apply to your lives to improve your connection? God is a merciful, loving God, and we must also be the same for our spouses. There are times in every marriage that are difficult, and it is during those times we must pray for an open heart, a forgiving spirit, and a deeper, more meaningful connection to our spouses and to God. He is there for us in these times, for it is during our darkest, most trying days that he is closer than ever. It is ok to acknowledge and recognize that things might not be the same as they once were. But it is through prayer that you may both reconnect with the Father and one another.