10 Simple Ways to Love Your Wife Well

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The first time you saw her, you froze. You could probably throw out a dozen clichés about what drew her to you—that she was the most beautiful, the funniest, the smartest person you’d ever met. But none of those are quite the real reason you noticed her. No—she had something ephemeral, something you can’t explain, some combination of word and face and thought and loveliness that absolutely captured you. You just knew. And so did she.

And so you married her.

Now, she’s the most important person in your life. The challenge, then, is to make sure she knows it. Not just every now and then. Not just on holidays and anniversaries. Love her in the way she deserves—every single day.

Many men find their well of romantic ideas running dry not long into their marriage. Perhaps you’ve settled into a comfortable routine, or perhaps your time has been consumed by children or work or social obligations.

Whatever the case, it is vital to continue showing your wife just how much you love her, and to do it just as intensely as that first day you met. To do so will result in two happy people, and in the most wonderful sort of marriage you can imagine.

To help you do this, let’s look at a few ways you can better love your wife well.

Get to Know Her

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Everything hinges on this—every one of your subsequent efforts to effectively show love and affection to your wife will be predicated on how well you know her.

This is scary for a lot of guys. Men don’t tend to have the same social depth that women often form within their much more closely-knit friendships. As a result, men are sometimes just not equipped with the right psychological tools to get to know someone deeply.

But everyone is equally capable of learning.

One of the best ways to begin is by simply asking questions. What makes her happy? What kind of romance does she love best? What made her fall in love with you? What are her passions?

Questions like this last can open up the opportunity to join your wife in the things she loves. Does she enjoy gardening? Then start a little tomato plant next to her radishes. Does she bike? Break out the Schwinn.

Don’t be afraid of allowing her to know you, as well. Open up and be willing to answer tough questions. But no matter how uncomfortable the questions, let your wife see the real you.

Enter into open and honest communication about who the both of you truly are, and you’ll set the stage for limitless other ways of loving her.

Touch Her

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Hold hands in public and in private. Kiss her awake. Kiss her goodnight. Touch her arm while you speak to her. Touch her hair as you walk by.

Touch connects us. It is our primary language of compassion and attraction. It makes us feel loved and encourages a sense of belonging.

Physical touch is highly associated with relationship satisfaction, and is one of the easiest ways to love your wife. It can combine with the inherent warmth of a spoken “I love you,” and catapult it into deep intimacy. It releases endorphins that make us feel happy and content. It can let your wife know that you care, and that she is special.

So what are some great ways to encourage touch?

Go dancing. Dance classes can put you in close contact with your wife, as well as give the two of you a hobby to enjoy together.

For a little more intimacy, give your wife a massage, particularly of the hands, feet, and shoulders, which create emotional release when touched.

Finally, do what you know—kissing, hugging, back rubs, and other familiar love touches. But here’s the thing—do them in abundance. Don’t let a day go by where you haven’t done one of these things.

There’s nothing easier.

Take Care of Her When She's Sick

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Who doesn’t love being rolled up in a blanket burrito and catered to while they’re sick? Your wife certainly will!

Taking care of your wife, especially when you don’t necessarily have to, can make her feel loved and important. It can also take some much-needed worry off her mind if you’re able to take care of things while she’s down.

So be attentive. Make her tea and go pick up her medicine from the pharmacy. Pile on those blankets if she’s cold and fan her if she’s too warm.

But the thing to remember the most when you do this? Don’t wait to be asked!

If you immediately come to your wife’s rescue without being asked, your sincerely felt love will come across as just that—sincere and willing.

So don’t hesitate the next time your wife is sick. Take a day off, care for her, and make her feel like a queen.

Write to Her

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Write your wife a letter. Yes—a letter. It will likely do more good than you can imagine.

The written word is archaic. It’s a breeze out of time, lightly scented with romance touched with hints of wistfulness. And a handwritten letter is a perfect, small way to make your wife feel loved.

Write about the first time you met her, about how you felt, and how your world was changed afterward. Write about simple things, like the bird you saw that morning, or how you just felt happy today for no reason. Anything sweet and positive will do, really.

In addition to being very personal in nature, handwritten letters are also tactile—they can be touched and kept. This is important—an email is ephemeral. It comes and goes like a vapor, unable to be touched or smelled. It’s just pixels on a screen.

But a letter is an object. It’s a gift, covered in handwriting that is uniquely yours, conveying your love and thoughts to the wife you hold so dear.

Listen to Her

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Active listening is a forgotten art. Too often, we’re frantically formulating our next words, our minds racing even as our partner is talking, and when they finally finish, we have no idea what was actually said.

A great way to make your wife feel loved is to simply be a great listener. Remember—your attention is one of the most precious things you have to give. Fortunately, listening is a skill that can be learned!

To listen effectively, you must , above all, stop talking. Allow your wife to speak. Be patient, and don’t try to jump in during a pause for breath. Let her relax in her communication with you.

Participate in the conversation—nod at appropriate times, and keep your body language open and relaxed. Make sure you look as involved as you feel. Also, watch for her body language—more than half of communication is conveyed nonverbally, and if you don’t pay attention, you can miss it.

Just becoming a good listener is a wonderfully simple way to love your wife well. Don’t pass it up!

Take Care of Yourself

Believe it or not, how well you take care of yourself says a lot about how much you care for your wife.

Whether you’ve been married for one year or fifty, pay attention to the way you dress, how your teeth look, the grooming of your hair and beard, the way you smell—especially if you know that she loves these things.

This is about more than simply staying attractive. It’s about more than being vain. This is about sending your wife a message of love, one that says “I still care”.

So if she loves the bomber jacket and beard look you used to rock a few years ago, but now you just live in shorts and a t-shirt, you’re doing her a disservice. Why not take advantage of this simple way to love her and make her feel as important as she is?

So break out the razor and re-take your aesthetic self.

Help Her Unwind

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Your wife probably works hard at her job—just as hard as you, in fact, and she comes home with the same desire to unwind. A wonderful way to love on her is to help her do this!

Since you know her better than anyone, you know her routine, what relaxes her and makes her happy. Do these things!

If rubbing her back helps her relax after work, do that for her every now and again. A surprise massage, or even something as simple as setting up her laptop in her favorite place and brewing a cup of tea for her to sip as he peruses the internet can utterly change her day.

You don’t have to do this every day—in fact, it’s probably better to keep the element of surprise. But don’t forget about the multitude of ways you can help your beloved wife wind down after a days’s work—whether that work is at the office, or at home with the kids.

She deserves it.

Keep the Dates Coming

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This is the piece of advice that you’ll hear from everyone. Don’t stop dating after you’re married, they say. Keep the romance alive, they exclaim.

But how do you do this? Especially in the face of children, increasing job responsibilities, and age?

Romance doesn’t necessarily lie in the grand gestures of life, those big events that only occur a few times a year. No—romance lives in the smallest of moments. Focus on this. Focus on the simple things, and your wife will feel the fullness of your love.

This can look like many things. Go on a date walk through your neighborhood. Make tea or coffee for the two of you, light some candles, and read to her. Order a pizza and watch a movie that you both love.

The point, here, is to make these moments feel intentional. Let them be expressions of your love, of the fact that you want to spend these moments only with your wife. Have fun with her, and keep things spontaneous.

She’ll know you love her.

Speak Well of Her

Word travels. There’s no getting around that. And if you spread good words about your wife, they’ll inevitably travel back to her.

Speak well of your wife in every situation—in front of your family, your children, your friends, and strangers. Speak glowingly of her, in fact—convey all the love you feel for her.

Your praise will make its way back to her, and she’ll feel incredibly loved by it. After all, if you speak well of her when she’s not there, those words of praise will feel all the more sincere.

And more than this, it lifts her up in the eyes of others, painting a bright picture of her that will help others see all the good that is within her. Your praise might become infectious!

Always represent your wife well. This is an easy way to love her, and one that you can implement even when she’s not around.

Don’t be afraid to gush over the one you love.

Support Her Weaknesses

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Is your wife slowly working her way through a graduate degree? Is she handling the kids all day? Is she dealing with unruly relatives?

Well, then—find ways to support her!

This can be a surprisingly simple way of showing love, but, like many other tips on this list, it requires you to know her intimately—particularly her weaknesses, in this case.

If she doesn’t have the strongest study habits, and you do, help her study for that graduate degree. If she’s easily frustrated by kids, step in and help. If she’s easily frightened by a menacing relative, defend her.

A part of being married is being willing to cover for the weaknesses of your partner—that goes for both sexes. Do this for your wife. If you know exactly when to step in and offer a kind hand, she’ll appreciate both the fact that you know her, and that you’re willing to use that knowledge to her advantage.

So stand beside your wife in all she does, and she’ll know, without a doubt, that you love her.