Is He Really Marriage Worthy?

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You think you’ve finally met “the one.” He has all the exterior criteria you’ve deemed necessary for compatibility. There’s an intellectual connection and mutual shared interests that keeps the relationship interesting and exciting and best of all you think, a spiritual oneness. The challenge for many single women looking to meet and marry a true Christian man is not to get too blinded by the 1) relief that you’ve finally met someone who says he’s a Christian; 2) the emotional highs and lows of the infatuation stage of dating and 3) tendency to get ahead of the dating process because you are more excited about being an official couple than using sound discernment to see if this person is worthy of your love. While it is wise to know what qualities and character traits are important to you in that right man before you start dating, the most vital area of exploration should be the seriousness of his devotion to developing his walk with the Lord. Many people can call themselves Christian and can quote particular verses from the Bible, dropping tidbits throughout conversations, which gives the appearance of genuine faith. Because dating can be challenging, it is easy to choose to see a person's good character qualities and ignore the foundation which a long term relationship should be established. Shared faith allows a couple to solidify their connection with one another and builds a unity that cannot be achieved otherwise. The personal standard you should use in dating is the one given in scripture for a godly man, which is not an unrealistic expectation.

Here are seven signs that should be apparent in the man you believe is marriage worth.

His Christianity is not superficial.

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Shared faith is the most important foundation of your relationship and should be prioritized, especially during the dating stage. You can eliminate much heartbreak by discussing this crucial topic upfront instead of waiting until you are deeply emotionally involved with and have invested a significant amount of time with someone who believes something completely different. Recent research concludes that interfaith marriage rate is 42 percent in the U.S. The findings also reveal the growing number of interfaith couples are unaware of what they will face with polar spiritual views. They marry without thinking through the practical implications of their religious differences. With the diversity of what is being taught as Christianity, it is truly a vital topic to clarify in the beginning stages of dating before you give your heart to someone who is not spiritually compatible long term. If you make assumptions, believing the topic is too deep or that it may scare him away at this early stage, you will tend to make rationalizations based on his behavior. Charitable acts or assumptions that he is a good person because the first few dates have gone well is not evidence of a deep, sanctifying and meaningful relationship with the Lord. Because our culture dictates tolerance at all costs, many believe differences are to be embraced and truth is what it means to each individual. However, you will find in marriage what you believe and practice does matter because it is your identity as a Christian and real compatibility and long term satisfaction is based on likemindedness spiritually.

He has spiritual mentors.

A sincere walk of faith is strengthened from instruction from those who are more mature in their belief. If he is the right one, he has the humility to admit he needs that godly guidance and wisdom from more mature believers. He is hungry for Scripture and desires to learn discernment so he can practice what he has been taught. He understands that the biblical example of how to treat you in the manner that is worthy of a Christian woman is found in Scripture, not by society’s standards. He welcomes the model and value a godly married man can provide for his future marriage and family. When the man you date has a spiritual mentor, it is more likely that he will not be intimidated by someone holding him accountable for his actions. In a long term relationship or marriage, it is important that your significant other has integrity and is a man of his word and having a mentor refines that process of growth spiritually and emotionally.

He studies the Bible on a daily basis.

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The only way to develop faith is to study scripture on a consistent and daily basis, learning what the scripture means contextually. Disengaging the mind and emotionalizing faith is not true theological Christianity. Ideally this type of study will be a habit he has already prioritized and made a daily habit. One of the beautiful aspects of being married to a person who is equally yoked is the sharing of scripture together and the moments of prayer as a couple. Placing God as the head of the relationship creates an intimacy and closeness that is unmatched with anything else you can think of materially or experientially to share as a couple. If he prioritizes his study of the scripture, the goals of your relationship will be God-centered instead of worldly minded. The richness of this pursuit individually and as a couple will create a bond within the marriage that can withstand challenges and trials that eventually come in life. If he is not a student of the Word, the foundation of your life together will be unsteady and more easily shaken at the core when those difficulties arise.

He has a sacrificial view toward relationships.

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The scriptural example for godly husbands requires treating their wives with tenderness and care, assuming responsibility to protect and provide for them. When this godly application is made in a marriage, both feel the sense of fulfillment that only comes through the obedience to the Word. One primary complaint women have in relationships is the feeling they are not a top priority and taken for granted. It is through the dating stage that the pattern is set for how you will relate to one another and the way you communicate information. It is vital to take note of how he treats you during this stage without making excuses for poor behavior, blaming it on stress at work or other external possibilities. To combat this unhealthy pattern in relationships and eventually marriage, the Bible outlines the pattern of a husband's love for his wife. During this initial stage of getting to know one another, there should be glimpses of how you will be treated in a committed relationship.

He sacrifices for you.

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The scripture pictures a godly husband as one who treats his wife with tenderness and care, readily providing for and protecting her. He accepts this responsibility gladly as one of his primary roles in the marriage. The husband who loves his wife as Christ loves His church will give up everything he has for his wife. The greater struggle is the daily sacrifices a husband should make to his wife. When husbands forsake their own likes, desires, opinions, preferences, and welfare to please their wives and meet her needs, then there is a real and true dying to self to live for her. In dating, you should see evidence that he is not self-centered and selfish in love. There are many people who have very charismatic personalities and are smooth talkers in the initial stages of dating to generate an emotional connection with you. It is important to use your discernment and allow the getting-to-know-you stage work methodically so you do not invest your time and love into a man who turns out to be narcissistic.

He shields you.

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As parents have a protective instinct to shield their children from corruption, evil and harm, so should the love of a husband for his wife be equally motivated toward the protection of his wife from being misled into a destructive path. The love of a godly man will be committed to maintaining her holiness, virtue, and purity. In dating, you should feel as if you are placed on a pedestal, not in an idolizing manner, but as a precious and valued part of his life. This is not an insinuation that you are in need of a man to come to your rescue and making all your life decisions for you. God has created us to work together in this life through marriage in a harmonious balance of strengths that each individual possess, making the whole complete. You may be very capable of taking care of yourself, managing your finances, providing a nice life materially and successful at your chosen profession. However, that proficiency does not bring the fulfillment that comes from a shared life with a godly man. In the dating stage, you should see evidence that he is a responsible and mature man, reliable and trustworthy. You feel valued.

He is completely committed.

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In Scripture, the marriage union is permanent, becoming one with each other. That assurance gives a sense of security and becomes part of the foundation to grow, mature and strengthen emotionally and spiritually individually and as a couple. A godly husband verbalizes his commitment, which is one of the foundational elements that allows mutual trust to grow in a lasting relationship. There is not the fear of saying the wrong thing to one another that will lead to the end of the relationship. It is that sense of belonging to one another, endurance during trials and shared joy of the blessings from the Lord that creates the tangible security of the bond of marriage. In the dating stage, his goal is to meet a woman he can commit his life to and not date around. He is not hypersensitive and moody; he is consistent and mature in his emotions and is not ruled by them.

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The key to knowing if the man you are dating is marriage worthy is mindfulness and discernment during the dating stage. While that does not negate the lightheartedness and fun that comes from getting to know one another, its purposefulness does make you aware of the valuable gift you have in the love you will share with the right man. In our society, love is easily and freely given away regretfully. It is a wise woman who will know her worth and value and the qualities and strengths she brings to a committed relationship. If you vow to give your heart and your love to a godly minded man who will treat you with the respect and love you deserve, you will find the fulfillment and true satisfaction you are looking for in a long term relationship. The greatest blessing is to find yourself married to a man who is committed to the Lord and godly minded with the assurance that you have found the right one.