So, you’ve broken up. The relationship is over and done. You’re trying to move on and in fact, you’re doing a pretty good job at it considering how difficult it is to heal broken hearts and how long the memory of your ex can remain in the mind. You’re confident and proud of your progress. Then it hits you like a ton of bricks. You hear that your ex has a new love interest. Just when you thought you’d moved on, you feel like you’re going through the breakup all over again. If this is what you’re currently going through, don’t fear. While healing is a process, you have the power to move on even when your ex already has. Remember and do these six things to begin your healing process:
They Didn’t “Win”
It’s easy to enter competition mode when you see your ex has found someone new. If your ex moved on before you did, dealing with this can be especially difficult. You might be thinking that this new person won or wonder why you didn’t find someone else first. You may even wonder what your ex sees in that person that they don’t see in you. The truth is, how quickly you get into a relationship isn’t a measure of how desirable you are. The most attractive or likeable people aren’t necessarily the first people in relationships. Sometimes, it takes longer to find that extra special someone and that’s ok. Your ex just happened to stumble upon someone else before you did. That doesn’t make them a “winner” or reflect poorly on you.
This Doesn’t Erase What You Two Had
Your ex’s new boo isn’t your replacement. The relationship you two shared was special and unique and nobody can take away from that. If you’re constantly comparing yourself to your ex’s next or you’re simply feeling low remember this: your ex will never experience with this new person exactly what they did with you. You get to be the one who made special Red Velvet cake or introduced them to Game of Thrones or whatever made your relationship special. Even if they do some of the same things with their current love interest, they will never recreate your entire relationship. You will always be a special part of their lives and helped shape them into the person they are today. The memories you share are yours and yours alone.
They Still Care About You
Despite the words that were exchanged or the note your relationship ended on, your ex still cares about you. Getting into relationships won’t change the way you care about an ex. For some, the success of a relationship isn’t based on how long it lasted, but rather how deeply you loved when you were in it, and how much love and growth you experienced after it. Often times, we confuse love with life compatibility, intimacy and relationship status. They are not mutually exclusive. Just because a relationship dynamic has shifted doesn’t mean that the love is gone. If it does, it wasn’t love.
Take Good Care of Your Body and Heart
When you find out your ex is dating someone new, you probably won’t feel like you’re at your highest – you may feel unworthy, unattractive or even unlovable. You loved your ex so much, you can’t stop thinking about them or the fact that they’re loving someone else. While it hurts, it’s important that you grieve the pain so you can accept the reality and move on.
One of the best ways to cope when your ex has a new love interest is to take care of yourself. Be gentle, loving, kind and compassionate to yourself. Don’t take your pain out on yourself by doing harm to yourself by overeating, drinking, drugs, sleeping around or using other unhealthy coping mechanisms. Crying is just as good as getting adequate rest and eating healthy foods. Be good to your body, your mind and your spirit. This way, you’ll be in your best place when Mrs. or Mrs. Right comes your way.
Don’t Let This New Relationship Change Your Self-Image
Just because your ex is in a new relationship or went on a few dates with someone you believe has more going on for themselves, doesn’t change who you are. You are the same person your ex fell in love with. You have characteristics that their new love doesn’t have. You’re ex’s choice to start a new relationship is not a reflection of who you are.
It’s also important that you don’t take your ex’s new relationship personally. Your ex is making their choices for their own reasons. These may have nothing to do with you or they may have everything to do with you. You may never know what your ex is thinking or feeling so don’t take this new relationship personally.
This is a Sign the Relationship Wasn’t Meant to Be
If your ex has quickly moved on from the relationship then they’re not the person for you. The reason they were able to move on so quickly is either because their eyes and heart were wandering before you got out of the relationship or they quickly fall in and out of love at the drop of a hat. You don’t want to be in a committed relationship with a person like that.
If you’re ready to heal after a breakup, accept that this story is part of your past. Don’t deny it. That story defines you. But be empowered to write a brave new ending. You can write that it was horrible and you were in lots of pain, and then you can end the story writing that you got help and were able to move on with your head held high and more to offer the person you choose to spend your life with. You can write a better ending.