You would think that there would be a clinical definition of a toxic relationship, but there is none. Yet, we have this term and use it quite often to describe a relationship that has negative patterns that tend to repeat themselves. These patterns can be especially daunting to the person on the receiving end. Relationships are tricky to navigate, but with toxicity in the mix—things become even murkier. There are tell-tale signs of a bad relationship such as verbal, emotional or physical abuse. Then there are the subtle ways that can be damaging like emotional blackmail and manipulation. A healthy relationship contributes to our self-esteem and emotional energy. However, a toxic relationship damages self-esteem and drains energy, Health Scope reported. With the severity of toxic relationships, you would think that there would be a clinical definition! If you are in a toxic relationship, here are 5 ways on how to navigate it.
Be Honest
Be Honest
Good relationships have moments where behaviors are toxic. We are human and will make mistakes. We all are learning on the fly, but this is not what we are talking about. When bad behaviors are on a continuum--be on alert. It may be negative comments or just a relationship that is one-sided. First, you need to certify that the relationship is out-of-balance. Step back and honestly review what is unhealthy about it. Make a mental list or compile a physical list of the pros and cons of the relationship. Understand that we can’t change something if we don’t acknowledge it, so be honest with yourself.
Confront the Person
Confront the Person
Tell the person how you feel in a non-threatening way. Sometimes people are not aware of their actions and the impact they have on others. Bringing this to light could make them realize that they are damaging the relationship. If the exchange becomes heated then you need to get tough and you need to become more assertive. Most people will mull over your comments and do some reflection on their behavior. “People who are not fully aware of the impact of their actions, this can be an effective way to change toxic relationships for the better,” Everyday Health reported. If the person starts to threatens you, please seek help or call the National Domestic Abuse Hotline.
People with Power
People with Power
Toxic relationships can also include people who have power over you like a boss or a landlord. Just because they pull the strings does not mean you can’t have boundaries. If your boss yells at you or is nasty, you need to be clear that it is unacceptable. If your landlord keeps stringing you along about the water heater being fixed, then you need to let them know that their behavior will not work. By placing limits you are setting boundaries and preventing further abuse. Being assertive is not a negative thing. Once you realize this, it can be remarkably liberating.
Cut People Off
Cut People Off
Is the relationship worth hanging onto? It is better to be alone than to be with someone who is constantly dragging and poisoning your mind and spirit. This becomes harder when dealing with a family member like a parent or a sibling. Friends sometimes need to be cut off if they are no good for you as well. You might be thinking that this is harsh—it’s not. People who are usually toxic remain so, but you don’t have to deal with it if they don’t want to change. What are you willing to deal with and to what end? Take out the mental stress and start clipping toxic people out of your life.
Take Responsibility
Take Responsibility
We need to take responsibility for our responses in a toxic relationship. It does take 2 people to keep the embers hot! Any unhealthy dynamic between you and the other person can be resolved if you control your responses or just walk away. Let’s say your guy is demanding that you pick up his clothes from the dry cleaners and threatened that he won’t be home if you don't agree. Well, don’t engage or react. End the conversation by letting him know that the conversation is over. If you agree to this demand you are furthering the toxic dynamic.
Knowing how to handle a toxic relationship is not a simple task. Yet, it is something that needs to be dealt with swiftly. Not all people will react in violence or manipulation. Don’t be afraid to get rid of toxic influences in your life—your well-being might depend on it.
