When your self-esteem is in the trash it will follow you through life unwavering no matter where you land. If we continue to pull from an empty power supply--the reserves will become empty. No matter who you are, keeping up with your personal goals, your lifestyle and your obligations will wear you down. This is why many people who follow self-help programs and books fail. The same holds true with our relationships. If your self-worth is in the toilet, your relationship will go down the drain with it. Whatever baggage you have now will follow you into your marriage. The Journal of Personality and Social Psychology found that people who had a low self-esteem became obsessed with their partner's rents imperfections. "If my views of you are changing very quickly, thinking very positively about you one minute and negatively the next, that could make the other person feel insecure,” explained Steven Graham, Ph.D., the lead author of the study told Everyday Health. Here is how low self-esteem can further damage your relationships.
You have trouble communicating.We all need healthy communication to keep our relationships running. If you feel so crappy about yourself, you will allow yourself to become walked on or even abused. Being able to verbalize your feelings are all necessary for a constructive and growing relationship. A person who can't communicate might start resenting the other person because they assume that they can read their minds. If you’re not comfortable in communicating your concerns--you need to tell your partner this is a struggle for you and go from there. A relationship can't persevere without communication.
You become toxic.If you are showing signs like belittling someone on a constant basis, you have a problem. You need to find out why you are behaving this way and sabotaging your relationship. You may fear their rejection or abandonment. There may be thoughts of "How can he love me?" or "When is he going to leave?" These insecurities are driving your actions, Psychology Today shared. "You can’t believe you could be truly loved and so you test your partner every chance you get so that he can demonstrate his value which you don’t believe or trust anyway." Ask yourself if you are the one that is toxic and be honest about it.
You become overbearing.You know those friends who are too clingy? Ask yourself is this you? If you’re dependent on your partner for a constant emotional fix and constant attention, it could be taking a toll on the relationship. These expectations are not fair and they are not realistic as your mate is not your source of happiness. What happens is that you will start suffocating the relationship if your happiness is dependent on a person. Never expect your partner to fulfill all your social needs and share every emotion with you as it is not healthy.
You run from confrontation.When your self-esteem is not high enough, you will not confront or take on any stressful issues. We know that relationships all have them! "Without self-esteem, you will lack the belief that you deserve to be treated with kindness and respect. You will tolerate hurtful behavior from others too often and for too long," Your Tango offered. With this, your mate could get away with things that they should not and vice versa. No one likes to deal with conflict and sometimes running away from a fight is good. Yet, you know in your heart that exposure to a confrontation makes you cringe, you need to rebuild your self-esteem. When problems happen, we need to take care of them, not run away from them.
You feel attacked by the person all the time.When we feel insecure and have a low self-worth, we will always feel that the other person is attacking us. There’s a difference between constructive criticism and being bashed by harmful words. Even if what they're saying is not be true, people who are sure of themselves won't let this interfere with their confidence. However, if you are dealing with issues with self-esteem, it's harder to sort through as you are defensive all the time. Over time your mate might just stop talking to you since they don't know how you are going to react. "Although happiness generally declines slightly over time, this isn’t true for people who enter a relationship with higher levels of self-esteem," Licensed marriage and family therapist Darlene Lancer explained on Psychcentral.com.
You are possessive.When someone feels that they have little value of their own opinions and self--it becomes increasingly more difficult for them to maintain relationships. So when they find someone, they latch on for good out of fear. Spending time with someone is important, but when you start to trying to control them and isolate them from people, there is a problem that will only become worse. Wounded people tend to attract wounded people. If you are insecure, your partner might be insecure and then it just becomes mayhem. It’s important that people in a relationship have their own space to breathe. If they don't, they will become resentful and could start pulling away from the relationship. If you feel that you need your mate for complete fulfillment, it leads to co-dependency. This in itself, could lead you to a marriage counselor. But this might be something that you should consider anyway.
A healthy relationship has purpose, values, morals, trust and a sense of unity. When we are suffering from a power shortage in our self-esteem, we can't be whole on your own or with someone else. Self-esteem can become a positive force in a union or can break it. Get to the root of what is causing your angst and find freedom as a person and as a spouse.