Finding Out How He Feels About You

The amount of energy women expend on trying to figure out how a guy feels could probably power an entire country...for a lifetime!

Women will dig deep into their memories, take every interaction and put it under a microscope in order to find hidden clues and secret meanings. The hunt to figure it all out isn’t only futile, it’s potentially damaging to your self-esteem. You put yourself at his mercy, he gets to decide if you’re “worthy” or not. All your mental energy goes towards figuring out where he stands and you become a second-class citizen in your own life!

Amidst this quest to figure out how he feels, a lot of women ruin a good relationship before it really has the chance to get off the ground. If you have to know right now if he doesn’t really like you, this is the article for you. When a man is in love with you, it’s usually pretty obvious. The rule of thumb is: if you have to ask, then you already have your answer. However, this isn’t satisfactory for a lot of women. Instead of giving you a checklist to know how a man feels about you, let’s look at what not to do along this quest to figure out where he stands. This will not only preserve your sanity, it may even save your relationship.

Don’t ask him how he feels.

There is a right way to have “the talk” to find out how a man feels about you, but it’s something of an art form and requires a lot of emotional restraint and objectivity. To avoid “the talk”, this quiz from Vixen Daily is a good tool to figure out whether he really likes you or not.

Asking a guy outright how he feels, or if he’s serious about you, rarely leads to clarity and a deepening of your connection. Instead, he feels a sudden burst of pressure and expectation and it can cause him to withdraw and shut down emotionally. Men don’t respond well when they feel pressure to be a certain way, or do certain things. This gets mistaken for being a fear of commitment but that’s not really what’s at play. Men aren’t anti-commitment, they are anti being backed into a corner. A man will happily commit to the right woman when it’s his choice.

The sexiest woman to any man is a woman who is thoroughly happy being with him. Instead of asking him if he likes you, your best bet is to assume he does. You really have nothing to lose by assuming reality is as you want it to be.

It doesn't matter how many talks you have about the relationship, or where things are going. What matters is the way he feels when he's with you, and how he shows you that he cares.

The more you force him to talk about his feelings; he has less space to actually feel them.

Don't obsess over it.

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Stop plotting and strategizing ways to control something that will never, be in your control. No matter how hard you try, you can never, ever, control how someone feels. What you can control is whether or not you accept the way they feel. And unfortunately, a big area where so many of us go wrong is not accepting reality as it is, but rather, clinging onto the hope of how we want things to be.

One of the most common relationship mistakes women make is looking at a guy’s behavior in a specific instance and freaking out if something looks like a bad sign. This bad vibe spreads to him and then everything feels off.

Obsessing over his behavior will not get you any closer to having the relationship you want. Instead, it will succeed in driving you crazy, activating your fears and insecurities, and pushing your guy away... which is exactly what you don’t want!

A question to ask yourself when you’re having the negative thoughts is: What is the lack or loss I'm afraid of happening here? And if another fear of losing comes up from there, ask the same question to that.

Stop wasting energy feeding into the worry. If you’re going to spend energy on anything, spend it on studying the pattern of your worrying itself. Try journaling about what leads you to this pattern of worrying and landing in disappointment. Trace the thoughts back to their root‬. ‬ Focus specifically on what thoughts, ideas and perspectives lead you to feeling like you're walking on eggshells or worried about things falling apart or changing. ‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬

Stop caring so much.

In order to get to a place where your relationships work for you (instead of work against you), you need to arrive at a point where you stop caring, or rather, stop stressing. Relationships are supposed to add to your life in a positive way, not bring you down and fill your life with chaos and uncertainty.

Men typically feel more comfortable and at ease with a woman who doesn’t care because he doesn’t have to take full responsibility for her happiness and emotional well-being. Men know that women typically get attached faster and they resist going all in unless they’re sure they will commit to her. They don’t want to come off as the bad guy and do feel guilty about hurting you.

If you maintain this casual, not caring attitude, he doesn’t feel that pressure to move things ahead and can enjoy the relationship much more. The pressure is what often trips guys up and causes them to back away.

A lot of women mistakenly think that figuring out a man’s exact intentions will give them a sense of stability. It won’t.

Don’t force things.

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One of the most important truths about relationships is that good relationships are effortless.

You don’t feel like you’re walking on eggshells, worrying that you might screw something up. You don’t feel like you have to make it work. You don’t feel like you’re suffocating, wishing and hoping to finally get some sweet relief and so you can breathe.

Relationships are about discovering the how compatible you are with another person. That's all.

That "compatibility" is already set before you and he meet. It's predetermined. A relationship is simply the unfolding of events that occur naturally, like two chemicals combining and producing a reaction. It just happens naturally and you watch, observe, and enjoy. You don't attach to it. You don't force it. You don't fight with it. You just enjoy watching the process naturally unfold as it's going to.

When you're happy, enjoying the moment, and feeling at ease, you are allowing the process to just flow naturally. When you start thinking in a way that feels negative, you destroy your vibe and you block the process from unfolding.

Don’t take it so personal.

How a man feels about you is not a measure of your worth as a person. This is a mistake a lot of women make, one that can have devastating consequences because if a guy doesn’t reciprocate certain feelings, she takes it to mean that she is unworthy or unlovable. Not everyone is a match, if it were that easy then it wouldn’t be so rewarding when you find that right person. You also would miss out on all the lessons learned from, dating the wrong people.

If a guy doesn’t reciprocate your feelings, or if he won’t give you the commitment you want, it doesn’t mean you’re unworthy or unlovable or flawed. It just means he isn’t the right guy for you and that isn’t a big deal.

When you base your sense of worth on how he feels you give him all the power, and the message you send to yourself is that you aren’t enough. This will not only kill your relationship, it will kill your self-esteem.

When you place your worth in his hands, then you automatically send out a desperate vibe, a vibe that says “I don’t think I’m good enough for you so I’ll just bend over backward trying to win you over and show you how amazing I am and then hopefully you won’t notice.” Men can always sense when a woman needs them for feel good about herself, and no guy wants to serve this role. Men are attracted to confidence, and they are repelled by emotional voids that they need to fill.