6 Ways to Heal After a Broken Relationship

There are few things in life worse than a difficult breakup. Whether you’re the one breaking it off, or on the receiving end of a split, there’s a special pain and wounding that comes along with the deferred hope, sense of failure and straight up heart ache associated with a painful split. The unavoidably bad news is you might have spent time, money, energy and sometimes years of loving someone you might now never know again. The incredibly good news is God absolutely knows and has a plan for your heart, and will guide you towards the loving mate you deserve, if you let him. The key is learning to see yourself through God’s eyes, understanding he wants the best for you, including a partner who loves your whole heart, and considers themselves blessed to have you. Breakups unavoidably suck, and we’ll hurt for a while, but here are some truths that help ease the pain, and speed the healing.

God has Someone Better

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At the outset this seems statement seems cold and self-deserving. But the truth is whatever the reason for the split, it simply means the person wasn’t the right one, and God has someone more perfectly suited to you. We’re all God’s precious children, but we’re also all a bunch of flawed weirdos, at times, and it might take one or two bike rides around the block to find God’s best match for us. The world’s view of someone “better” might mean finding a partner with better looks, financial means, social status, etc. But someone better for us in God’s terms simply means finding the person who understands, loves, protects and appreciates your heart. Simple as that. If that wasn’t happening in your former relationship, and you decided to split, than God has someone better. If someone left you, it means that person didn’t completely love and appreciate every ounce of who you are. It’s a painfully brutal truth, but would we really want to be with someone who isn’t 100 percent devoted? Unfortunately many people either marry, or stay in relationships for the wrong reasons, resulting in unhappiness and even bitter discontentment. Being alone has its challenges, but if have faith, and believe God works everything for the good of those who love him, your singleness is only be temporary.

Focus on Your Worth

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There are millions of potential partners out there. Do we really want to settle for a less than amazing relationship for convenience, fear, loneliness or the dozens of other reasons people remain in mediocre relationships? Nope. God says he sees each one of us as valuable, precious children. And he desires abundant life, full of joy and goodness. I normally shy away from the narcissistic trend of loving yourself senseless, but when you’re going through heart ache, it really helps to focus on how God sees us and feels about us. He doesn’t care about our bank accounts, dress sizes, number of Insta –followers or the dynamicity of our personalities. You are just as he created to you be, and there’s nothing more beautiful than finding another believer that sees you in this light. I believe that’s Gods heart too. I almost picture him whispering “see, isn’t he amazing?!” when we fall in love with that right person. I bet it gives him a lot of joy watching us not settle, and patiently wait for the one who makes are heart sing. We all have faults, weaknesses and character flaws, and we’re all a work in progress. But everyone deserves a mate who considers it a blessing to have found us. I believe anything less than mean settling for less than God’s best for us.

Analyze What Went Wrong

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This doesn’t mean replaying every fight and bad decision we experienced in the relationship, making ourselves feel guilty and regretful. But I’ve found it helpful to re-group a bit, analyzing what might have gone wrong-did you overlook certain red flags or tolerate behaviors that hurt you, because you were too hopeful to acknowledge reality? Promise yourself you’re not going to continue that pattern next time. Do you find yourself making compromises or acting out of character to avoid appearing less than perfect in a relationship? Do you tend to date people with less strong faith convictions, or none at all? That might be the bigger problem. Pray God changes your desires in the future, and resist falling into familiar, wrong patterns of thinking. God is a God of second chances, and it’s never, ever too late to patterns and habits in your dating life. I used to be a sucker for tribal tattoos. ‘Nuff said.

Picture the Person You Want

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I realize this sounds like the highlight at an eighth grade sleepover, but seriously, make a list. In the wake of a breakup it really helps to identify the qualities that really mean the most to you. Try to leave physical traits out of it. As much as you’d like a Hugh Jackman doppelganger with a knack for home repair, try and meditate on the characteristics and traits your heart really needs to be content. For me humble and kind are numbers one and two on the list. After years of dating guys with “big personalities” who appeared intriguing at first but had the compassion of a shark, I slowly realized what I really wanted: someone with a pure and genuine heart for others. When you know what you’re really looking for, it’ll help you avoid another lacking relationship or even getting to know the wrong person in the future.

Focus on What You Love

When you’re suffering day by day through the post-breakup blues, the best advice is to keep busy. What hobby/activity do you love, that maybe took a backseat to your relationship due to lack of time? Consider getting involved in a ministry, or volunteering with a friend for a charity like Big Brothers/Sisters, or joining the prayer team at church. Join the gym. Go out with the girls. Even treat yourself a little during those first difficult months. Surrounding yourself with similarly minded people, and doing things you’re passionate about are huge keys to break up recovery, and greatly reduces the chance you’ll spend two weeks re-watching Pride and Prejudice while denting your Pinot stash and crying so loud you scare your cat.

Don't Rush Into Dating

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As tempting as it might be to ease your pain by signing up for ChristianMingle.com within 12 hours post breakup, don’t it. I repeat, when that last season on Netflix ends unexpectedly and those midnight hours haunt you with every second you aren’t receiving a goodnight text/kissy face emoji, do not upload a profile, Facebook message your college ex, or make any other digital decisions resulting in you dating again ‘til you’re ready. Really ready. I’ve survived such poor decision making, and it’s never pretty. As tempting as it is to mask the hurt of a failed relationship by running our invisible pain into the arms of another, this isn’t fair to ourselves, or the new person we’re hoping will tell us we’re beautiful and the end of dating madness has come. It just doesn’t work. Until we heal, and deal with the hurt and emotions associated with the breakup, we’re just asking for drama and trouble. This is a time God wants us to run to him, not the next guy thumb- upping your profile. He wants us to trust…really trust, that He has a greater plan for us, and will absolutely answer our prayers for a good relationship.