10 Tips for the Newly Divorcing

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The beginning of divorce brings with it lots of advice. It is often legal and financial and necessary. However, it is even more critical to be centered with an emotional health and wealth plan. A conscious emphasis and intent on more than just merely surviving this agonizing journey, but being prepared for it.

It would be fair to say, that most will admit they were not nearly prepared for the true experience of divorce. It is a painful, confusing, and unwelcome adventure. It is further complicated by the fact that those divorcing are surrounded by those still living the lives they have been forced to leave behind. They are the proverbial fish out of water while the pond still swims around them. It is uncomfortable on the shore with few fish to guide them back to the water.

Here are 10 Tips for The Newly Divorcing Individual. For the dawn of divorce and the beginning of new beginnings.

Self Protect

Divorce is a time to make the world as small as possible. It is a time of grief, emotional isolation, loneliness, confusion and stress. A newly divorcing person should accept that energy is better spent on getting themselves and their family through this painfully, difficult change and transition. It is not a time to feel overly obligated to others or commitments outside of the home. A self-protective cocoon or hibernation which shuts out as much of the outside world as possible can lower stress and anxiety because the world can become too loud and crowded with many opinions and expectations that are not easily met, welcomed or accepted at such a difficult time. Additionally, trying to keep up with past commitments from happier times, such as social calendars, volunteering, etc. can reduce individual energy even more.

Develop Additional Boundaries

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This can be challenging for someone who gets their energy from hashing out their problems with others. However, it applies equally to those who even prior to divorce kept their world small and their problems to themselves. The simple reason is that whether a person’s world is big or small, there will always be those who have more advice to give or more judgments to make than a vulnerable, grieving person can withstand. A comment that might not have seemed harsh pre-divorce, can penetrate like a dagger during divorce. A typically non-defensive, non-sensitive, open personality pre-divorce can be none of those things while divorcing. Divorce is not just a period of grief. It is also a period of self-blame and therefore, listening to others add to that, can deplete desperately needed strength. Do not discuss certain things nor allow certain things to be said.

Stop Caring

Divorce is not a time to care what others think. However, it’s nearly impossible not to care what others think during a period of time that many describe as what feels like failure. It’s easy to not care what others think during happy and successful times. Why? Because confidence and self-respect are in-tact. A newly divorcing person often struggles temporarily with a lack of confidence and self-respect. Add the problems of divorce into that equation and it’s definitely not a period of stellar self-esteem. A divorcing individual needs to stop caring because this is not life defining and life devouring, but rather life directing. It is crucial that a newly divorcing person learn to care about what is most important to themselves and their family and focus on that.

Find a Healthy Physical Outlet

The pain of divorce needs to find a way out. The stress will rob a person of feeling otherwise healthy. This is not optional. As soon as a divorce starts, an individual needs to immediately find a healthy, physical routine and schedule. It could be walking, running, exercising, lifting weights, yoga, horseback riding, etc. Whatever it is, decide to make it a priority on the calendar. It is imperative to know one’s self. If this is not something a person has strength or motivation to do by themselves than find a partner or sign up for something so that it is a mandatory priority. The stress and sleep deprivation of divorce demand this physical release. Furthermore, physical and emotional health are woven together. The more one deteriorates physically by gaining weight, fatigue, etc. the worse one will feel emotionally and the higher the mountain of divorce is to climb.

Find a Healthy Emotional Outlet

This is another example of it meaning little whether an individual is an over sharer/communicator or under sharer/emotion holder. The heartache of divorce is hard to emotionally exercise. It is hurtful and often the person has lived with a spouse who hasn’t respected or listened to them in years. So the emotion and pain of a broken heart is either over-erupting externally or festering internally. Buy a journal and start getting it out on paper. If writing is not appealing, then make lists of the biggest worries and how to attack them. Then make a list of the things that are allowing joy in life and make them a priority. It could be a walk that takes the mind off of things or a bike ride. Make a list of things to do when the divorce is over. Just get the feelings out - uncage them. Pick up a guitar, play the piano, take an improv class. Do something that qualifies as an emotional outlet. Meditation and yoga work for some though in extremely high stress periods it’s hard to shut the mind down for these type of outlets. Find other emotional tools, listen to songs, watch movies, read real, heartfelt, or inspirational stories of divorce so that it doesn’t feel as isolating of an experience.

Find a Healthy Diet

This is the third in the trifecta of keeping mind, body and spirt healthy during a time when the situation demands it. Pick three to five habits a day that seem viable to stick to. It could be leaving a water bottle by the bathroom sink each night so that hydrating in the morning is the first thing one does. It could be buying 5 cold pressed juices per week so that there is an infusion of fruits and vegetables if one is too tired and depressed to eat healthy. It could be making at least 5 smoothies a week instead. It could be tossing out the chips and buying nuts. It could be taking vitamins in addition to the infusion of fruits and vegetables and good proteins for the week. It could be lessening snack foods. Do this from the very beginning. Divorce is a journey that gets worse before it gets better so start the healthy habits at the beginning and make sure to be diligent about the nutritional damage control to counteract stress.